“I didn’t want to be your friend, or anyone’s. I wanted to be left alone, where I thought I was happiest. But that didn’t mean I didn’t stop thinking about you. I never met anyone like you, Artemis. You’re special.”
Her face grows beet red and she looks away. “No, I’m not.”
I take both her hands in mine, not dropping my gaze from hers. “You are. No matter how many times I pushed you away, you kept spending time with me. You didn’t let me be alone. Why was that so important to you?”
She shrugs. “Because you looked lonely and like you needed a friend.”
“You didn’t give up.”
Her smile is small and shy. “So what does all this mean? You…like me?”
I look away. “When I said I wanted to be friends on Saturday, I lied. I want to be more than friends.” I rake my hand through my hair. “But I don’t think I can.”
I feel her eyes boring holes into my skull. “Why not?”
I shake my head, not wanting to get into this right now.
Squeezing my hands, she scoots closer to me. “Want to know a secret? I’ve had a crush on you since I saw you on your first day at River Spring High.”
“Why?” I ask before I can stop myself.
She holds up her hands like she’s not sure. “I guess there was something about you.” Her eyes intensify as they stare into mine. “Something special.”
I tear my gaze away. “There’s nothing special about me.”
Her hands move to the right side of my head, where she brushes some hair out of my eyes. “Of course there is. You’re a good guy, Ryan Rogers. A good grandson. I mean, you went to the Ball with a girl you don’t like, just to help out your grandma. That shows how special you are.”
If she only knew just how much of a jerk I am. First for causing the fire, secondly for not being home to help my parents, and for accepting money to take Artemis to the dance. She didn’t deserve that. No one does.
“Does that mean you’re my boyfriend now?” she asks after a few minutes of silence.
I rub my hand down my face. “I want that, more than anything, but I…can’t.”
“Why?”
I shake my head again, not brave enough to look at her. “Something happened to me a little over a month ago. I don’t want to talk about it, but it messed me up.”
Sympathy washes over her face as she gently rubs the side of my head. “I’m sorry. I wish I could help you.”
I shut my eyes for a second. “I want to be with you, want to be a good boyfriend, but…”
“But you can,” she finishes for me. “I know you can. And we can take things slow. Go at whatever pace you feel comfortable.” She gives me a wide, sweet smile. “We have all the time in the world.”
I hold her gaze. “Are you sure? Because I’m dealing with a lot of crap right now and I—”
She places her finger on my lips. “I don’t care. I want to be there for you and I want you to be there for me. I really, really like you, Ryan. I can’t stop thinking about you, either.”
I lift my finger and stroke her cheek. My eyes dart to her lips, then return to her eyes. Eyes that are so green and so deep that all I want to do is jump in.
But I can’t, not just yet. As much as I want to be happy and completely open with her, something is still holding me back. She’s knocked down a few walls, but many more remain.
Maybe one day I could be the guy she needs me to be, but right now, all that matters is that we’ve confessed our feelings for each other. And like she said, we’ll take things slow.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Artemis
Ryan and I have been up the whole night texting. I don’t even know what we’re talking about. Maybe the movies we’ve watched?
