She tucks some loose strands of hair behind her ear, but they pop right back out. I have this weird urge to twirl the strands around my finger, to feel just how soft her hair is. But I ball my hand into a fist.
“Want to dance?” She bites her lip. “Oh, right. You don’t like dancing.” She gazes at the other kids with longing and a bit of jealousy.
I step forward. “Sure, let’s dance.”
She slips her hand into mine as we make our way to the center of the gym. A spark shoots from my hand, zapping each and every part of me. I freeze for a second before shaking that off and leading Artemis to the dance floor.
A fast tempo song is on and the area is packed with kids shaking their bodies to the beat of the music.
Artemis and I face each other. She starts swaying her body around and I find myself slowly copying her. I probably look stupid, but right here and now, I don’t really care.
The next few songs are fast-paced and my partner and I are killing it. Well, at least she is. I still feel as stiff as a board, but I hope she knows I’m having fun with her. As much fun as someone like me can have, anyway. The light she had in her eyes when we first got here disappeared, but it’s back now.
I’m glad I asked her here.
The music changes to a slow song and our bodies are once again practically fused together. She stares into my eyes and I stare into hers. They’re very beautiful. Green, like the color of fresh grass.
It’s not long before she lowers her head on my chest, her hair brushing against my nose. Her chest rises softly as she makes herself comfortable on me.
“This is perfect,” she says, so low I’m not sure she meant for me to hear it.
I shut my eyes as I rest my head on hers. On any other day, I might have let myselfenjoy this. Heck, maybe I’d want to see where things could go between us. But I can’t. Justcan’t.
She lifts her head, her eyes nearly piercing mine. “Ryan? Do you want to go to the festival with me tomorrow and Sunday?”
My arms drop from around her. This is what I was afraid of. Why I kept my distance. We can’t…I can’t…
Her eyes lower to my arms and confusion and a bit of pain fill her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I’m giving her the wrong message here. Slow dancing with her? Making her feel like something is happening between us? I shouldn’t. I can’t let it.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a second before building up the courage to face her. I slowly open them. “I…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
She steps away from me as if I’ve caught a contagious disease. “Oh, okay.” She crosses her arms over her chest like she suddenly got cold. “I get it.” From the look on her face, I know she definitelydoesn’tget it.And I don’t plan on explaining it. It’s just too hard. I don’t want to delve into my feelings, or make sense of them. It’s easier to just close myself off. It won’t hurt so much.
“Sorry,” I say, wishing I could erase that pained looked from her face. But I need to keep my distance. It’ll be better for both of us. “I think I’m going to head home. I’m really sorry, Artemis.”
I can feel her staring after me as I reach the doors and slip out. It’s kind of a long walk home, but I need time to clear my head, to convince myself I’m doing the right thing.
Artemis is a good person and deserves someone who will treat her right. Not a messed up guy like me.
I force my thoughts away from her as I make the journey to Grandma’s house. My thoughts shift to last month and my body fills with the terrible memories.
I drop down on a step of some random house and bury my face in my hands. All I see before me are the giant flames ravaging through our house, my parents yelling for help.
I tear my hands in my hair, holding back from growling as I force myself to rid the memories. Counting to ten seems like the only thing that works before I completely lose it.
When I’ve calmed down a little, I stand and continue the trek home. Grandma’s sittingin the living room, watching one of those game shows. She mutes the TV when I enter and motions for me to sit down beside her. I really want to be left alone, but I already hurt one person today and don’t want to hurt another. Especially because she’s trying so hard to build a relationship with me.
I drop down, staring at the gray carpet. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have agreed to take Artemis to the dance. I never wanted to hurt her.
Grandma gives me an encouraging smile. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes, though. I don’t think either of us are in the mood to really smile. Maybe that would change one day.
“Did you have a good time?” she asks.
I nod, blocking the fun memories from my mind. The more I think about it, the more I’d allow myself to feel things I shouldn’t. Artemis will see I’m not the right guy for her and will move on. And I’ll be alone, where I want to be.
“That’s good,” Grandma says. “You’re probably tired. Maybe you should turn in early.”
