I let out a sigh, my gaze falling on the children across the street playing in their yard. “Not sure if he does. I just found out and don’t know how I feel. There’s so much that I have to say, and yet, I’m silenced.”
“Oh, I think you should write to her, or visit her. Wait, would you?”
It never occurred to me, not until that moment. I scoff. “Alexa, you just gave me an idea. I won’t let her hide, fuck her.”
“That’s right, fuck her.”
From a distance, I hear the familiar rumble of the Camaro, alerting me that Isaac is close. I listen to Alexa fill me in about her love life with a mysterious stranger. I know it’s Sledge, but I let her have her secret; after all, I know too well about keeping them. “Well, I’m glad you’re happy, really.”
I can hear the smile over the phone when she responds, “You should be, too, both of you.” Just as she says those words, he pulls into the driveway. A smirk tugs on his lips at the sight of me, and I place my finger over my lip, motioning to the phone to alert him I’m on a call, not that we are hiding anything, but old habits die hard. “Lex, I gotta go talk to you tomorrow. Thank you for the idea.”
“Love you, Ronnie.”
“Love you, Lex.”
With that, the call end, and I focus all my attention on Iz, who still looks banged the fuck up as he closes the car door. “How did it go?”
I shrug. “It went well. He wished me happiness.”
He nods in approval. “As he should have.” Isaac grins as he scratches his chin. “Very Max of him.” I can’t help but laugh.
“Even after getting the girl, you tease him. Stop.”
He shrugs. “What can I say, old habits die hard.”
“I guess so.” When he finally closes the distance, he steals a quick peck on the lips before telling me about his day and letting me know he’s going to work with his dad. I hug him, my heart singing from the contact. We sit on the steps, my head resting on his shoulder as we sit in silence watching the sun disappear behind thehorizon like we did so many times when we were kids. I guess old habits do die hard.
Chapter Thirty Nine
Veronica
“Are you sure about this? When I said to reach out, I meant like a letter.” Alexa squeezes my hand while simultaneously casting a concerned look my way. “Not this Ronnie. This seems extreme.” I smile, bringing our joined hands to my lips and placing a soft kiss. A gesture we would do when one of us was struggling. “It’s okay. I need this.”
“Need?” Alexa mutters before letting out a long breath. “Did you tell Iz?”
I shake my head. “There’s no need. He wouldn’t agree.”
She chuckles nervously. “Yeah, no shit.”
I don’t respond, and thankfully, she goes quiet. I know she doesn’t agree with what I’m doing, hell, I’m not even sure if I should be. But this is the part where I begin to put myself together. It’s fucking messy and emotional. It’s my way of healing… and in order to do so, I need to face her… face the woman who haunts me. It’s something people who haven’t experienced this kind of trauma have trouble comprehending. Fuck, I’m still struggling to. All I know is this is something I need to do. And despite her reservations, Alexa holds my hand the entire drive without saying a word or judging. She just holds me. Her touch is firm, unyielding, and grounding as she gives me small squeezes, reminding me to breathe. Or maybe it’s all in my head, and she’s just trying to be there for me while I lose my fucking mind. I think of all the reasons why I shouldn't do this and come up blank. Resting the side of my face on the window, I look at the sky.
It looks sad.
It’s a bruised grey, swollen with rain, and the closer we get to the prison, the heavier the pressure in my ribs grows. This isn’t thehoa, hoa, hoakinda gloom that we see and love in Twilight, but the kind that slams you back into a cage. The only difference is that I’m choosing it.It’s purging.
“I’m proud of you. I might not fully be on board, but fuck, Ronnie, I’m so proud. You tell that bitch that she deserves nothing. You tell her everything that’s locked inside you.”
I look over at my best friend and smile before turning my attention back to the road. Through the clouds, the building rises in the distance, monstrous and sterile. The kind you never want to see. It sends a shiver through me, making me question if I’m truly ready to face her, face the truth that I can’t even bring myself to acknowledge. As if sensing the spiral, Alexa squeezes my hand. “You’re taking your voice back. Remember that.”
That’s right… my voice.
I give her a tight nod, afraid to say anything. Afraid that if I speak, my throat will only close back up. I hope I don’t choke when I see her, that I can face and slay her. But we shall see. Alexa pulls into the parking lot, and that’s when dread consumes me. My knees wobble, and I’m not even out of the car. My heart begins to race, the sound flowing harshly in my ears as my hand grows colder and clammy. “Ronnie, you don—”
“I do.” I cut her off and swing open the door before stepping out of the car. I try not to look back and focus on the task ahead, even as my feet grow heavier. Each footstep feels like I’m walking barefoot through fire. But I need to do this. I can’t back out even if everything in my body demands that I do. Squaring my shoulders, I go through the gates. Holding my head high, feigning a confidence I do not feel as I’m checked in. Everything smells like bleach, metal, and musk. It’s distinctly nothing I’ve ever smelled before, yet I will remember it forever. A guard leads me through a series of buzzing doors, keys jingling with each step, the sound ringing louder than my heartbeat.
My mind continues to drift back toHarry… to her. My hand curls at my stomach, reminding myself of all that I lost because of her… because of him. If I trulysurvivedthem, why does it feel like I’m still dying?
We turn a corner, the hall leading towards the visitation room—a beige room with glass separating us, and on each side, a metal phone. “Prisoner 56532 should be out shortly. Sit.”
