“I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but good for you for doing this. I’m proud of you.” Alexa’s voice spills from inside the speakers of my car as I drive down the busy roads. My heart flutters inside my chest, a dance so erratic. So constant. That always leaves me breathless. My grip tightens on the steering wheel as if to anchor myself to it. It’s okay. I got this. I remind myself that I’ve always driven. That this is normal. This is good, despite my body screaming that it is not safe. That I shouldn’t. I force my thoughts away and respond while making a right turn, “I’m just driving, Lex.”
She scoffs. “Yeah, and it's abigdeal.”
I can’t blame her for trying to be enthusiastic and motivating. After all, it’s the first time I've gotten behind the wheel of a car in weeks. Slowly, I’m trying to piece together the small pieces of myself, only to find that they no longer fit. And while I've been busy drowning myself in Isaac, there’s someone who needs closure. Max messaged me about turning in the keys shortly after my miscarriage. The thought makes my mind conjure images of that night, of the look of horror on Isaac’s face. Or the look of pity on my mother's face. To the red that coated my fingers. Alexa clears her throat, pulling me out of the trance. “You sure you're okay to be doing this?”
“Not quite.” I’m not sure how I feel. Max was such an important part of my life. I really tried to love him the way he deserved. I just couldn’t. However, he deserves more than my words at the hospital or the silence I’ve forced onto him.A ray of sun warms my skin, causing me to smile. The day is sunny and cozy, the kind that gives you optimism and hope.
“Are you worried?” she asks, trying to silence Sledge in the background. I pretend that I can’t hear, not being able to help but grin at the fact that they are sneaking around like children. As if anyone would fault either of them for being together, especially when he’s loved her for as long as she’s loved Isaac. In a way, things worked out for everyone, just not me. Not entirely sure how, I guess, after being kidnapped and learning that I was pregnant with Iz's baby, everyone kinda just accepted it. Which helped then, but then my loss happened when I was starting to let the walls come down. Just when a new beginning. It all came to an end. In the blink of an eye, everything came crashing down, and now I’m still gathering the pieces. Unsure where they fall now, but still trying to piece them together.
“Ronnie… you still there?”
“Oh yeah, sorry. No… no, I’m not worried. He said he’s leaving and he just wants to say goodbye.”
She sighs. “I think this will be good for him. Max deserves happiness. You do too, so don’t you dare feel guilty. I know you.”
And boy does she.
The guilt is already lodged in my throat, choking me, making it painful to swallow. I know I ended things back in the hospital, but I never wanted to hurt Max. The way I’m sure I did, and tears sting behind my eyes, blurring the busy streets. My pulse spikes just as I turn onto the street that leads to what I thought would be my forever. Myfuture, all the hopes and dreams I put into him, all because I couldn’t be true to myself, and I broke him. Maybe all of this was my karma for everyone I lied to.Hurt. With my dishonesty. By the time I pull into the driveway, Max’s car is already parked outside. “He’s here.”
“It’s gonna be okay, Ronnie, this is what’s best for both of you. Call me after.” With that, I end the call and take in the sight. The house looks drained in the early daylight, dead plants adorn the porch, and a ‘For Rent’ sign sitson the lawn. Kind of poetic if you ask me. We are just two ghosts returning to a place we used to pretend was the future. A home full of memories that lacked love. What a fucking lie, a devastating one at that. I take in a deep breath, filling my lungs with courage to step out of the car when my phone chimes, the message on the screen fills me with warmth.
Iz:
Remember when one door closes, another is waiting for you to open it. I love you!
My lips stretch into a small smile at his words. I don’t respond to him. This is, after all, something I’m doing for me. I didn’t need his encouragement, even though it does feel good to see. This next step... is all me. I place the phone on the dashboard and open the door, leaving my safety behind and stepping out of the car. The pleasant breeze dances around me as I walk towards the front door that’s wide open. Bracing myself for what I might find, I stop before forcing myself to step inside.
The sight startles me more than I anticipated. Pain invades my heart as I take in the bare walls, the boxes littered across the floor. So many years reduced to nothing. Memories stripped down to the bones. My hand darts out, flattening against the wall. Trying to center myself, and that's when Max clears his throat, making himself known. Slowly, I turn to look where he stands in the living room, folding the last of his shirts into a half-filled suitcase. Guilt riddles me as I take him in. He looks thinner, his blue eyes dull with black circles beneath them.
It guts me… He looks tired, smaller, and like he’s aged years, not months. To see him so utterly broken confirms to me that I deserve all the pain I live with. Fate offered me a second chance at happiness. I got all I ever wanted, but lost myself in the process.What can be worse than that?I’ll tell you what, seeing someone who loved you so unconditionally become collateral damage. Max smiles, soft and sad. “Hey, Ronnie," he whispers, unsure what to do next.
“Hi, you,” I reply, pushing away from the support of the wall before taking careful steps towards him, silence stretching between us. Not awkward, but not comfortable either. I guess it’s what happens when two people become strangers. He studies my face the way he always has, gently trying to read every crack I try to hide.
“You look exhausted,” he mutters before running a hand over his brown strands. All I do is shrug when I reply, “Because I am.”
He nods, like he expected that answer, and doesn’t pry any further. “I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye or making sure you got your things before I returned the keys to the realtor,” he says as he closes the suitcase and zips it up with a sigh that sounds like acceptance.
My throat tightens. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me. Not after everything.”
Max doesn’t hesitate to answer. “I will always want to see you.” He steps closer, making sure not to touch me, but close enough for warmth to exist between us, and I can smell his cologne. “I care about you. I know I have no right to say this, but I still love you. That doesn’t go away just because you love someone else.”
His words slap me with my deception, confirming that he knows. He knows who my heart belonged to. Tears sting behind my eyes because, somehow, I wanted him not to know, but I guess deep down, he always did. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “No, don’t do that. Don’t carry more guilt than you already do.” His voice softens. “You loved me the way you could. And I loved you the way I knew how, it just wasn’t meant to be. It happens to the best of us.”
A shaky breath leaves me. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You didn’t hurt me,” he says. “Life did. The situation did. What you went through… no one walks out of that the same person.”
My chest caves, warm tears slide down my face and between my lips. He’s the only one who says it aloud. That I’mchanged. That I’m broken in ways I don’t even understand yet. Max takes a step closer, and this time, I don’t move away. I allow the proximity to exist. “Veronica… be happy. Whatever that looks like for you,find it. Even if it’s not with me.”
I cover my mouth and swallow the sound that wants to escape as he hands me his spare key and gently kisses the top of my head. I don't flinch, not even when he pulls me into a hug. A tight and cozy embrace that only Max can give. “I’ll be out by tomorrow morning. You can come back anytime before the end of the month to pick up whatever you left.”
Despite myself, I cling to him, as he holds me like someone closing a chapter worth reading. Our story might have come to a heartbreaking end, yet I know it’s one I will revisit. Gently, reverently, and without bitterness, he lets me go. A muffled sound escapes him as he places more distance between us. Leaving me trembling in the weight of it all.
“Goodbye, Ronnie.”
I nod, blinking away tears. “Bye, Max.” He smiles one last time and leaves. That's what breaks me. Not because I regret breaking up with him, but because he’s the last piece of the old me, and without him, I’m not sure who I am now… I sink to my knees and cry until there’s nothing left but the numbness.
