Iz closes his eyes, for only a second, but just long enough to confirm.I’m right. My brows knit together, seeing him wrestle something he’s not telling me.
“I’m trying,” he murmurs. “I’m trying so fucking hard not fall apart on you. I’m trying to keep you safe, healthy, even when I feel like I’m breaking. You and the bab—”
“Do you not want it?” I ask cautiously. When I decided to keep this pregnancy, we talked about it. I considered his thoughts.What if he didn’t want it? What if…. His eyes snap open, horrified. “No, no, Ronnie. That’s not it. I want you. I want us. I’m with you all the way.” He lets out a long breath, “I don’t know how to not want anything else. I’m scared of being unworthy or not being enough, that's all.”
“Not enough?” I snort softly. “You’re more than enough. You’re perfect. Fuck, Iz. I’m here for you. You can fall,” I whisper. “I will catch you. I love you.”
It’s instant, the disapproving head shakes. “I can’t.” His forehead presses against mine. “You’re pregnant. I want you to feel safe, and I’m—fuck. Ronnie, I’m trying so hard.”
My chest rises against his. “Is this why you’re letting yourself get your face beaten in?”
Isaac swallows hard, his jaw flexing and Adam's apple bobbing. “I’ll do better. I’ll stop punishing myself, promise.”
“Why do you feel like you have to?”
He hesitates, and that silence hurts more than any answer could. I hold my breath, waiting for his answer, and when he does, it’s a whisper. “Because some things follow you home, even when the basement is gone.”
My heart clenches in my chest, my body molding into his. Instinctive, and desperate to feel him. His large hand slides to my back, holding me tighter than he ever has. “Don’t let the darkness win. We made it. Stop punishing yourself. I can’t stomach seeing you hurt.”
“I promise to do better.”
“All I want you to promise is that this is not forever? I can’t—I can’t lose you.” My voice cracks at the admission. It’s selfish, I know, to ask him to stop fighting, but I can’t help it. I want him safe. Whole. Boring.
“I promise.”
Something loosens inside me, igniting something wild and untamed. Maybe it’s the claustrophobic feeling or the memories that won’t fade away. All I know is that when he circles his arm around me, I melt into him. We stand there in each other's embrace, breathing the same stale air. It’s just us. Two people trying to build a future on bones that still ache, and neither of us knows how to. Just for a moment, the world stops spinning, even though deep inside me a different kind of unease stirs. As if my body is already ten steps ahead, warning me. I don’t know. It feels like the first warning sign of everything about to break. That somewherewithin us, the cracks are not healing but widening, and maybe tomorrow the world will cave in.
But right now? I breathe, as he holds me through it. Everything fades... the nausea, the fear, the weight of it all. Leaving only remnants of the warning that lingers like smoke in a cramp deep in my core.
Chapter Thirty Seven
Isaac
Three months later…
Sweat drips down my back, making my skin tingle from the moisture. The crowd roars around me, the lights blinding me with their brightness. Jumping lightly on my feet, I try to shake off the anxiety that seems to creep up when I least expect it. My pulse spikes, and my hands go clammy, instantly making my mouth water with theneedto purge. I cast a quick glance over at Sledge. His lips form a tight line as his finger curls around the metal cage. There’s only worry written all over his face. He lifts his chin to look up at me, a silent question in his gaze. ‘You good?’
I nod, even though we both know… I’m full of shit.
There’s nothing okay about me. Or my life…. not right now. My chest tightens, making it impossible for me to breathe. My heart races the way it does before a fight, except this time it’s not my opponent that’s messing with my head. It’s my memories. The hospital. The basement. Theblood. The sound of Veronica’s screams as she cried into my shirt, soaking me with her tears and grief. The way her entire body shook as sobs wracked through her body when the doctors told us the news. So much loss. I didn’t understand.Why? Why us… Why her?
I roll my neck, trying to crack the tension building deep in my muscles. No use, of course, there’s no escaping something that’s engraved deep into yourpsyche. It seems the harder I try to stay here. The memory of that night tries to pull me deeper, dragging me into a hellscape I cannot run from. I drag in a breath through my mouthguard.‘Focus, Isaac,’Imutter to myself.
I need to focus. I need to breathe. Fight…. More importantly, I need to win.For us.For the money. Make the pain worthsomething. My name spills from the speakers as the announcer calls my name and the crowd erupts again—like they’ve been starving for the violence, and I’m the slab of meat they’ve been wanting to watch bleed. The cage door opens, metal shrieking, and I step inside—shaking my arms at my side.
The world shrinks, the sound around me grows muffled until it’s nothing but background noise. My eyes zero in on the man across from me while I bounce on my toes, continuing to roll my shoulders. A smirk curls on my lips as I size him up. He looks big and hungry.Good. It means tonight it will be a good night to let loose. I need something I can hit that won't break in front of me. Something that can handle all this pent- up rage. I promised Ronnie I would stop fighting, but I can't.It’s an addictionI chase to find relief from the pain that swallows me whole. And if I break, who will help her gather her broken pieces? I’ve become a liar. A deceiver. Betraying my love with my silence. All so I can spare her, a keeper of secrets, and somehow, this isn’t the worst of them. The bell hasn’t even rung, and I’m ready to swing. I can feel the fight coming alive inside my ribs, something feral twitching awake. Ever since my captivity, every opponent shares the same face asHarry’s. I don’t picture anyone buthim. Thesourceof my destruction, my violence. From the corner of my eye, I catch Sledge gripping the cage, rattling it to catch my attention.
“Keep your head straight, Iz,” he warns as if already noticing that I’m losing it. “Don’t go dark, you hear me?”
How do I tell him?I’m already there… Never left it, actually. Despite the mask I put on for everyone around me, the truth is… I’m a permanent resident in that place, still chained up in a basement, even if I sell the lie that I’m free. That I’ve moved on. My heart beats too fucking loud, my knuckles itch to connect with something breakable, and my vision tunnels.
Then, the bell rings, and with that, my restraints.
It all happens too quickly. I never even notice him begin to charge towards me, not until his fist connects with my cheek. Sending me back a couple of steps, a throb blooming instantly at the site. I shake it off, keeping myself straight before my fist flies towards his direction. He ducks and lands a hit straight to my ribs, knocking the breath from my already starved lungs. I’m not sure when I decide to give in to the pain, but every punch lands with the weight of everything, before I turn the tide. Within seconds of giving up, I pull back just in time to avoid a direct hit and connect with his face. My vision fades from light to dark as I deliver blow after blow, each landing with every unspoken word I can’t say to her.
I’m scared.Punch.
I love you.Punch.
