I let out a sigh, my eyes tracking her as she walks towards the edge. Her arms wrap around her tightly, trying to fight the chill of the night breeze. I grab the plastic black tube that holds my prerolls from the middle console and follow behind her. “Running from me?”
She shakes her head. “No… just needed air. It’s been a while since I’ve been here.”
“Fair enough,” I respond, lighting the joint and taking a deep drag. The tendrils of smoke mix with the embers of the city lights, creating a surreal scene. The marijuana seeps into my lungs, crashing into my bloodstream with the first hit. My pulse climbs, my body thrums with nervous energy. “I wish I could say it’s been a while for me.” I lean against the hood of the car, running a hand over my curls before passing the joint to her.
She looks with big, wide eyes. “It’s not?”
“I come to this place every time I feel like I need to breathe.” I hand over the joint, watching her shift to her side. “Oh,” is all she says. Our fingers brush against each other when she takes it and places it on her lip. Taking a tentative pull and coughing up a lung like some kind of rookie, the smoke clouded her eyes momentarily.
“Don’t choke,” I tease. “Rookie lungs.”
She gives me a fuck off kind of look, even though she is actively laughing while struggling to breathe as she continues to choke on the smoke. “Fuck, that’s strong.You remember the time we snuck off from that boring-ass party to come here?” she murmurs, her lips curling into a smile as she takes another drag.
“Gotta clarify which one, we snuck off plenty of times?”
“Yeah, you’re right about that.” Ronnie turns to me for a moment, and she remains silent before adding. “The night of the summer block party.”
Her words drag the memory out of the deepest part of my brain. Everyone got together to celebrate our Principal’s retirement. Around this time, we grew pretty distant until that night. She found me sitting on the front steps and asked if I could take her away from the noise. I brought her here. My heart takes off inside my chest, and I try to play cool, trying to shove down the excitement.
“Ah, that night,” I say with a smirk, noticing the small tremble in her hands when she hands me back the joint. She’s so nervous, those beautiful grey eyes soft and thoughtful as she gazes up at me. “Yeah, that was a night to remember.” She whispers, her gaze shifting towards the skyline. “You know I used to think this was the most wonderful view in the world.”
“Still is,” I say, my gaze lingering on her instead. “The most wonderful view in the world.”
Ronnie turns to face me, her features flush, red slowly works its way to her cheeks. A gorgeous peach color highlights her golden skin. Even under the dim lights, it’s hard not to notice. How cute, she’s blushing. Before I can comment on it, she looks away. Bringing the joint to my lips and take a long pull. The smoke fills my lungs with its herby smoke. I play with it around my mouth before exhaling slowly, making small clouds.
“I’ve missed this,” she admits, her words merging with the city’s nocturnal symphony, “The view, the smoke, the…” She trails off, not daring to look at me, even though my attention is solely on her, willing her to turn around at least once. When she doesn’t, I let out a soft sigh, watching as she puts distance between us.
Stepping closer to the edge and further away from me. I can’t help the involuntary pull that wills me to walk over to her, my boots crunching on the gravel. “I’ve missed you,” I mutter softly, stopping right beside her. Feeling the heat thatradiates off her body, closing my eyes for a moment as her perfume dances in the breeze.
“Iz…”
With a swift motion, I take her hand within mine and pull her close to me. The movement startles her a bit, causing her to gasp. The sound makes my skin prickle with heat. I shake off that delicious wave and do what I’ve been meaning to do since that day at her townhouse. My mouth moves before I can process the words spilling from my lips. What can I say, I’m just a love-sick fool ready to grovel for pissing her off the other day.
“I’m sorry about the things I said in your kitchen. I meant them, just didn’t mean to push it on you. I know I’ve said this so many times, but I love you, Veronica, and loving you has made me a fool.Sick. And I’m afraid you’re the only cure.”
“I…” Veronica stammers, her voice barely above a whisper. Finally, she looks up at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.Fuck, I hate seeing her so tortured. So conflicted. For the first time in years, it dawns on me the pain that my love brings her; it’s like the saying goes, if you love someone, set them free. As much as I hate that quote’s meaning, I hate the look of anguish in her stormy eyes even more.
“You don’t have to say anything.” I lean into her, our bodies pressing together under the starlit sky, “…just stay. For tonight. Let me enjoy your company for a bit.”
The joint goes out in my fingers, the smoke no longer curling around us as I hold her in a tight embrace. Instead of the herby scent of marijuana, I inhale the smell of her shampoo—cinnamon and shea butter, a combination uniquely hers.
It’s intoxicating.
“Iz,” she whispers, her small hand moving between us, and I know—my time is up. As much as I didn’t want to, I let her go. Watching as she walks past me and towards the hood of the Camaro. A comfortable silence stretches between us as I light up the discarded joint still in my fingers. We both watch the stars, passing the joint between us until nothing is left.
“You know,” she starts, “Max wants us to get married and move away. He got a job offer in Arizona, and I…”
This time, it’s me who doesn’t look her way when she speaks. I didn’t want her to see the way her words affected me. “What do you want to do?” I hate the vulnerability in my voice when I ask, too shaky for my taste. For a long moment, there’s only silence. Ronnie just stares off at the city beneath us as if looking for her answer there among the flickering lights and distant traffic.
“I… I don’t know,” she admits with a sigh, shifting her gaze to meet mine. The sincerity and fear in her eyes shoot straight through to my core. A small flicker of hope ignites deep in my soul that I quickly extinguish. Not getting ahead of myself, I focus on listening as she continues. “I mean, it’s a great opportunity for him, but do I want to leave everything behind? I’m not sure, but at the same time, we’ve been together for so long, it only makes sense for us to take that step.”
For a moment, neither of us says anything. The silence that falls between us is heavy and loaded. I’m not sure what to say. I carefully mulled over each word as if it were the most important thing I had ever heard. I exhale a shaky breath.
“You don’t have to decide now,” I reassure her, my hand instinctively reaching for hers. The moment we make contact. Our fingers intertwine as naturally as though they’ve been carved from the same piece of flesh. Her hand is cool and soft in mine.
“I can’t help but feel pressured, you know? Everyone has this idea of what my life should be, and I just… I don’t know if that’s what I want.”
“Fuck everyone and do what you truly want.”
