“Maybe I just like keeping it interesting.” My fingers part her wet lips, and there’s a gasp from her, the bottle of beer now forgotten. Her eyes flutter shut; her fingers grip the edge of the marble island tightly. I can’t help but be amused by how easy it is to shift her focus.
“I— well…” she stammers, struggling to form coherent sentences. The last thing I want to do is think or talk about what troubles me. Alexa is my relief, and that’s all. If I couldn’t have a cure, then I’d make do with the next best thing—distraction.
Even though the moment I’m inside her, it’s not her who I picture but Ronnie.
Chapter Eight
Isaac
Iwake up to the sight of Alexa’s perky, pierced tits. “Morning, baby. Nixie called. It’s your turn to drop her off today,” she says as she slips on her blue yoga shorts. I let out a groan, stretching my arms above my head before throwing the blanket off me and rolling out of bed, heading straight to the bathroom to get myself situated.
“Want to grab dinner tonight?” she asks.
A yawn escapes my mouth the moment I open it to answer. “Sibling dinner tonight, can’t.”
My reflection greets me while I brush my teeth with the toothbrush Blondie keeps for me, taking in the blooming bruises. One underneath my eye and another on my jaw. Fuck, I did take a beating, and today I’m definitely feeling it. My body is sore in all the right places to make moving feel like a chore. From somewhere inside the bedroom, my phone rings.
“It’s Nixie again,” Alexa calls out.
That’s enough to kick my body into gear, finishing up with my teeth and washing my face just as Alexa walks into the bathroom. Her arms wrap around me, and her chin rests on my back. My soul till this day recoils at the contact, but it’s the small mercy of intimacy I can spare.
“Are you coming back tonight?” she asks. I shrug, taking the opportunity to move away without making it noticeable.
“Not sure, might go see Sledge. Gotta collect payment for last night,” I answer as I walk away from her grip. My heart tugs when I look back, and I instantly regret it when I see the hurt and disappointment on Alexa’s face.
She deserves better, but I’ve always been clear on what I want, and despite it all, she still thinks she can convince me to choose her, to love her. As if my heart could ever rip out the love for Ronnie to make room for her. If only it were that easy. Grabbing a pair of jeans, I slide them on while the silence grows heavier. The expression isn’t difficult to read; her pain is laid bare for me to see. Even though she will never question me. She was never one for long discussions or emotional confrontations. That’s one of the reasons why we ended up together, I guess.
And in a way, I guess it’s what makes me an asshole and a coward.
Alexa opens her mouth to say something, but closes it when my phone rings once again. Quickly, I press the green button and answer it.
“Nix,” I say cheerfully. My little sister’s voice fills the other end of the line.
“Hey, bro,” she chimes in her chipper voice. “You’re late! You promised!”
“Sorry, Nix,” I apologise as I glance at the clock and curse under my breath. “I’m on my way.” From the corner of my eye, I watch as Alexa leaves the room, not bothering to look at what is behind her. “Can we grab something to eat?” Nix asks, pulling me out of my mind. A small chuckle escapes my lips as I slide into my boots.
“You know I never turn down a chance to eat.” She laughs at that. I race out of the room and head towards the front door.
“Call you later,” I call out to Alexa, who I hear in the kitchen.
The door slams shut behind me, quickly. I rush towards the elevator and then race toward my car. I open the door and slide into the leather seat before revving it back to life and driving off to my folks’ house. “I’m on my way.”
“Okay, see you when you get here,” Nix replies before ending the call, and almost immediately, my phone rings again. My heart thumps frantically the moment Ronnie’s name pops up on the screen. Wasting no time, I press the green button to answer the call. “Talk to me, gorgeous.”
She scoffs. “You’re late to pick up Nix, asshole.”
A playful smirk tugs at my lips, hearing the hint of sarcasm in hers. And, as always, despite our age, I resort to teasing antics.
“Long night and overslept,” I reply teasingly, making sure to emphasise the words ‘long night’ and add, “I’m on my way now.”
Ronnie is silent for a moment, and I can already picture what she’s doing. I bet everything I own that she is twirling her hair, a nervous habit she has when she’s about to say something serious. She’s been doing that ever since we were kids, and it’s a tell I’ve never missed. There’s so much we both want to say, but this wall she has placed between us is impenetrable. Trust me, I’ve tried, and just when my fingertips graze the edge, I go tumbling down. Yet, I can’t help the feelings she still invokes inside me, the way butterflies dance wildly inside my stomach, fluttering deep inside my chest. Even in my balls.
“I miss you,” I say, not being able to resist holding back my need to see her. She lets out a breathy moan, the same one she desperately tries to hide with her words as she replies, “Iz…”, but her voice falters, emotion tightening her words. “I… we can’t.”
I’ve grown to hate those two words, the same ones hacking through the warm bubble of love I had started to enclose around us. A sigh slides past my lips, my grip tightening around the wheel, listening to her shallow breaths. I wish I could say that I expected something different… I didn’t, but a man can dream.
Hope.
