I didn’t know. I hardly had my life pulled together before this, and to think about adding a child to the mix. I leaned against the wall and slid down. I pulled my legs close and sighed. “I don’t know. I just keep thinking about when you were the one on the floor, and I was the one comforting you.”
Jade gave me a hurt smile. “It’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?” I asked, feeling my voice crack. “Your brother has made it very clear that he doesn’t want children. He doesn’t want a wife.”
“My brother is an idiot. He doesn’t mean that.”
I looked away, chewing on my cheek. I looked down at my hands and the test that was tightly wrapped in them. I slowly unfolded my hands and stared at the test. The pink plus line stared back at me.
A few tears built up. “Well, looks like you’re going to be an aunt.”
It took Jade twenty minutes to get me downstairs onto the couch. She offered me a cup of tea and sat across from me. I stared at the test on the table, questioning how I got here to begin with.
“It’s going to be okay.”
“I’m going to be a single mom,” I said softly.
Jade shook her head. “No, Kaleb will be here.”
“We won’t be together, Jade. I’ll be a single mom.”
“You have to tell him,” Jade added.
“You mean like you told Brandon?”
Jade frowned. “I made a mistake not telling Brandon. Do not make the same one. Brandon also left, so I didn’t exactly have a way to tell him.”
I looked at my tea. “I just can’t believe it.”
“I get the feeling.” Jade leaned back. “This is Deja vu.”
I looked at Jade, who smiled at me. “As scared as you are right now, you have to know this is a blessing.”
I thought of the first time I met Ilsa. She was this little bundle of cuteness. Jade looked like a different person afterward. For Ilsa, she would do anything.
“I know, but I’m not you.” I watched Jade become someone new. I watched her work her ass off to do better for Ilsa. I watched her hold her daughter while she cried, holding back her own tears. I watched her scrape and bleed to make ends meet. I watched her fall apart over and over again.
“Jade, you are an amazing mother. Ilsa is a beautiful child. But I don’t want to fall apart and never pull myself back together again.”
Jade changed for Ilsa. But some changes left marks that would never heal. A part of Jade never survived the change.
“You tried so hard to provide for Ilsa. And you gave her an amazing childhood. But I saw the way it destroyed you. I don’t want that.”
Jade looked down at her drink, seeming to understand my point. “I think if you told him, you guys could figure things out.”
I rubbed a hand over my face. “Even if we do, your brother and I aren’t anything real.”
“You slept together, clearly that’s not true.”
I gave a fake laugh as I shook my head. “No, that is true. You throw a baby into the mix, and it’s an even bigger mess.”
Jade reached out, taking my hand. “Everything is going to be okay. Trust me. You just have to talk to him.”
My stomach twisted up knowing she was right. I would need to talk to him, but I had no idea how I would even tell him. How did you tell someone who was adamant they didn’t want children that you were carrying theirs?
A couple of hours later, Kaleb and I headed to the golf course. I kept glancing at him, trying to think of how to form the words. I couldn’t just blurt them out. I needed to somehow tell him calmly.
“We’re here.” Kaleb pulled in, and I swallowed, taking in the mini course. The owner did a nice job keeping it up to date and changing the course every few months, so it was constantly offering different holes.
