I didn’t bother looking at him. “I’m fine, Westley. Let’s go.”
It was quiet as we walked, nothing but our footsteps filled the space. Nora’s face kept popping into my head from last week at the shelter. She was clearly upset about what happened.
We had seen little of each other. I was out of the house in the morning, and she wasn’t back until late into the night. I didn’t know how we could fix the discomfort.
“Jade, do you feel anything?”
Jade shook her head, standing next to Brandon. She scanned the space, her eyes sharp as she looked around. “No, but I feel a pull that way.” She pointed west.
We continued to walk. I felt uneasy, my mind clearly not in the game. I knew how bad that was. When going out here, you needed to be on your A game, and I wasn’t.
Someone smacked me from behind, and I turned around. Jade stood looking pissed off at me. “What is your problem?”
“What the hell was that for?” I snapped, rubbing at my head.
“Because you’re not fucking paying attention. What the hell is bothering you?”
“That doesn’t mean you hit me.” I looked around, realizing that Westley was nowhere to be seen. My body stiffened. “And where is Westley? He’s my partner.”
She glared at me, crossing her arms. “My exact point. He agreed to switch with me so I could talk with you. Which, if you were paying attention, you would have known that.”
I scowled. “You can’t just switch partners, Jade. We’re out here searching for a hybrid. This isn’t the time for a chat.”
She walked closer to me, shoving her finger at my chest. “And from what I’ve noticed, you haven’t been much help in the searching department, so what the hell is your problem?”
I ran a hand over my face and sighed. “Nothing is wrong. Jesus, can’t a guy have a bad day without everyone questioning him?”
“You have sighed over forty times since we left. And I know this because we were all keeping count. You clearly have something on your mind, and you need to spill it because you aren’t doing your job because of it.”
I swiped her hand away, glaring back at her. Jade stood confident as she waited for me to cave.
“What has Nora told you?”
Jade gave me a smug look now. “She’s my best friend. She tells me everything.”
I doubted she told her that we slept together. That we’ve had several make-out sessions. That I was the first person she’d ever been with. I turned and sat down on a large rock. I rubbed at my face.
“I think Nora likes me. And I know you know it’s fake, so don’t even try acting surprised.”
Jade frowned. “What’s wrong with her liking you? What’s wrong with you liking her? You guys are making this so complicated.”
I laughed. “Look at me, Jade. I’m not cut out to be in a serious relationship.”
She paused, looking at me, confused. “Why would you think that?”
I leaned onto my knees, tilting my head. “You’re telling me you didn’t have reservations about being with Brandon? You didn’t tell him about having a kid for over three years, so obviously, you were scared. You’re telling me dad had nothing to do with that?”
Her face fell, and she swallowed. “This is not the same as that.”
“Right, because being the perfect child isn’t hard,” I snapped. I pulled myself back up, running a hand over my face, knowing that this anger was misdirected. It wasn’t her fault that everything was like this. I had no one to blame but myself.
I sighed. “I spent my entire childhood wanting to be better. All I wanted was to protect you and be better than our father.”
But we were cutting from him. I saw him in both of us. I knew Jade spent her life trying to prove herself worthy, and Ispent mine trying to never be like him. I knew if I never married and never had kids, I couldn’t.
“You’re scared, you’re going to be like him.” She looked at me, surprised. “How have I never seen that?”
“Aren’t you?” I asked. “Every time you look at Ilsa, aren’t you scared you’re going to mold into him? Say something you shouldn’t. Do something that would tear her apart? It starts small and just grows.”
