I stared at her, horrified. She’d never had sex before, never been fingered. Here I was thinking about how I wanted to shove my cock in her when she’s never even done it. No wonder she winced. This was all new to her.
“Fuck,” I said, pressing my head against the booth. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She blushed. “When exactly should I have told you I was a virgin, Kaleb? It’s not exactly something you bring up in conversation.”
The contact all suddenly made sense. It wasn’t because she was being a prude or difficult, but rather because she’d never done it. She’d never been in a real relationship and understood it was normal.
She didn’t deserve her first time being in the back of a fucking bar in the dark. She deserved to be ravished and everything to be taken slowly. Not for hormones and lust to take the reins.
“Say something, Kaleb.” Her eyes softened, seeking me to say something.
I shook my head. “I can’t do this, Nora.”
I watched her face shift into hurt. That same hurt expression she held when I had rejected her. I had her faceburned into my mind like that for weeks, wishing I could forget it.
I then watched her face twist into confusion and despair before falling neutral. I watched a wall go up, and I wondered if I would ever get it to come down.
Chapter 13 - Nora
I could see the shift in his eyes as soon as he realized I was untouched. He pulled his hand back, and I watched the lust just disappear. It was almost worse than someone actually saying they didn’t want to do it with you.
“I see,” I said, sliding myself off his lap. I adjusted my dress and tried to pull myself to my feet. I could feel tears building up as the embarrassment soaked in.
“Nora.” Kaleb frowned, trying to move closer to me. “Please sit. Let me explain.”
“Don’t,” I said softly. I glanced around at everyone in the bar, wondering if anyone had seen what had happened. “You have a hard-up, and you should probably stay seated until it goes down. I’m going to the bathroom.” I bit hard onto my cheek, not wanting to allow the tears that had formed to fall free.
“Nora, please. Sit and talk with me.”
“No.”
I turned and headed down the hallway. I took a right toward the hallway and slipped into the bathroom. I shut the door, locking it, and leaned back. I felt the tears fall free. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could just disappear.
I could still see his face. One moment, he was looking with want and hunger, and the next, he was looking disgusted. He removed his hands so quickly and just stared at me.
I pushed off the door and walked toward the sink. My makeup was smeared, so I quickly tried to wipe it away.
There was a soft knock at the door. “Nora…please open the door. We need to talk.”
I looked around, and my eyes paused on the window. Was I really considering running away from this? By slipping out of the bathroom?
“Nora, please. Let me explain.”
I moved toward the window and tugged. It didn’t budge. I pulled harder, putting my back into it. The window finally gave way, sliding open a little.
“Nora, if you don’t unlock this door, I’ll find a way to open it. You can’t hide away in there. Please, just open the door so we can talk.”
I pulled harder, finally getting it open enough. I leaned out, feeling the cold air. I moved, pulling myself up and resting my hips onto the frame, but I lost my balance and fell out of the window. I hit the ground outside hard, the air getting kicked out of my lungs. I groaned for a moment, staring up at the sky.
“Fuck,” I grumbled, pulling myself up slowly. I stared across the parking lot into the woods. I knew I couldn’t exactly run away from my problems, but I certainly wasn’t going to deal with them tonight. I couldn’t listen to him give me some half-ass apology. I’d heard them all my life.
Tyler, in my chemistry class, had taken me behind the bleachers of a football game. We made out, and I remembered how hard he’d been. He practically pulled my hand down his pants, giving himself a hand job with my hand. A week later, he wouldn’t even look at me.
Quinn, from my after-school job, and I had a thing. We were just getting comfortable enough when another woman swooped in and caught his attention. His excuse was that she would spread her legs for him.
I tried dating a guy after high school, and I was trying to take things slow. But he’d made out with me on our first date. When I didn’t want to have sex, he’d argue I was disgusting anyway.
I couldn’t handle another excuse, another reason why I wasn’t worthy. I crossed the street and walked through the park. I made my way past the yard and into the treeline.
