“I am actually.” I look at her blanket. “Will you share?”
She nods. I pull my chair over, but the blanket isn’t long enough to cover both chairs. She slides to the very edge of her chair. The seat is wide, but still not big enough for two. I can only sit next to her on the chair if we both sit sideways with our butts hanging off the side—not very comfortable. Finally, I pick her up and set her on my lap.I brace for her reaction. She tucks the blanket around both of us. “Better?”
I wrap my arms around her waist. "Much."
She leans back, looking at the mountains again. “It's so peaceful here. I’m glad I came. Things are so crazy with school and work at the hospital. I guess I needed the time off.”
“What are you doing in your nursing courses?” I want to keep her talking—keep her with me as long as possible.
“Different rotations. Right now we’re doing peds—the pediatric wing. I love it. The kids are great. I think that might be what I want to do when I graduate—work in a pediatric hospital.”
“You’d be good at it.”
“Kids are easier than adults sometimes. But also harder. It breaks my heart to see them sick or hurt.”
“Kids are great.” I’m looking for a way to score points on the kid thing. “I've been hanging out with Little Stevie once a week so Jasmine can take a couple of classes."
Jess shakes her head, and her hair brushes against my cheek. “How are Jasmine and Stevie? He’s almost one, right?”
“Ten months, and a terror, like his dad. Jasmine is talking about going to stay with Mom and Steve so she can get back to college full time.”
"It must be nice to have Little Steve around. Like Gage isn't so far away."
“Yeah. Jasmine is part of our family now, too, kind of the sister we never had. They could never take Gage’s place, but it helps fill the hole.” I don’t mention the other gaping hole, the one that Nathan left.
She leans against me and closes her eyes. I’m wondering if she’s fallen asleep when she lifts her head up and looks at the stars. “Do you think that they’re still out there? Matt and Gage, do you think they still exist somewhere?”
I take a second to think. It's a deep question, one I've thought about myself. “I can’t imagine Gage just fading away. There was too much life in him. Matt too.” I think for a minute, trying to choose my words carefully. “I’ve seen some terrible things—people who lost their families, their homes, everything. But in Iraq, more than at any other time in my life, I knew, there has to be something more than this. Look at the mountains, and the snow, and everything around you. That all didn’t just happen. Someone is out there making sure it's all taken care of. I think He’s taking care of our brothers too. I don’t believe they’re gone forever.”
“I used to believe that,” Jess says softly. “Now I’m not sure.”
I pull her against me. “Jess, I…”
She pulls away and stands up. “It’s really late. We should go to bed.” She sets the blanket on my lap and turns to go inside.
I sit for a minute more after I watch her go. I wonder what I said that scared her away this time.
fifty-nine
Breakfast
Iwake up to Tyler shaking my shoulder. “Get up!”
“No way, kid,” I pull the covers around me. I rarely call Tyler ‘kid’ anymore, only when he irritates me.
“Oh c’mon old man,” Tyler is pulling the blankets off. I pull back. When did that kid get so strong?
“Sorry, I’m sleeping in today. I’m going for the half-day only. I was up late last night.”
“Yeah, no kidding, what time did you finally get to bed?
“It was something like two o’clock.”
“What were you and Jess doing so late, anyway?”
How did he know I was with Jess?
Tyler is sitting on the edge of his bed. “Never mind, I don’t want to know. She is my sister.”
