“Are you going home for Christmas?”
“No. My parents are going to Mexico. I'm going to hang out with Becky and Bryan.” No reason to tell her that after the disaster that was last Christmas, none of us wanted to do the traditional family thing again.
"That sounds fun. I miss having little kids around for Christmas," she says.
I want to ask her what she's doing for Christmas, if she'll be home, if she'd mind if I stopped by. I'm afraid to. It would be just like Stephensto fly her to Korea to spend Christmas with him. The song is ending. I can’t let her go. “One more?”Please.
“Okay.”
Is it my imagination or is she pulling herself tighter against my chest?
“Mom told me you’ve been helping Tyler. How’s the car coming?”
“I haven't been over for a while. Tyler won’t be driving again for a long time.”
"I guess not.” She looks down. “I’m sorry for the things I said. For everything that happened. I was scared and upset. It wasn’t your fault.”
She admits that one brother wasn’t my fault. What about the other one?And when she says she’s sorry foreverything,how far back does that go? Does she mean for yelling at me, kissing me, or pushing me away?
“We appreciate what you’ve done for Tyler. He needs someone like you now.” She looks into my eyes. “I heard what you said to him after he destroyed your car. You had every right to rip him to pieces, but you didn’t. You said exactly the right thing. I was jealous.”
“Jealous? Of me?”
“You’re so much better with him than I am. I wish I could be what he needs.” She looks down. “I wish I could be what anyone needs.”
I rub my thumbs across her back, wishing I had the courage to tell her she’s exactly what I need.
“That tickles,” she pulls away, but she's smiling.
“Sorry, I know how you hate to be tickled,” I grin back. It’s good to see her smile like that. “You’re beautiful, you know that.”
She looks like the old Jess. She’s trying to look serious, but a smirk is playing around the corners of her mouth. “Well, which is it?”
“Which is what?” I’m confused.
“First you said I was amazing, now you say I’m beautiful.”
“I said you look amazing, and that you are beautiful.”
"So I’m not amazing, just beautiful?” She turns her mouth down into a pretty pout. I want to kiss her. I wonder what she would do if I did. Will I ever get to kiss those lips again?
“You’re beautiful and amazing. In fact, you might be the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.”
“Thank you.” The playfulness is gone. Maybe she thinks she took it too far. Her voice is shaky when she speaks again. “And thank you for what you said that night when I came home so completely messed up. You didn’t push or judge me. You were just there.” She swallows. “You gave me the courage to do something I’d needed to do for a long time, and the courage to ask for help.”
I stare down at her. “I’m glad I was there.”
She looks away and shakes her head. “You’re always there. Somehow you show up exactly when I need you.” She closes her eyes and leans her cheek against my shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispers.
She doesn’t say anything else. I’m too afraid to talk and break whatever spell we’re both under. With every heartbeat, I want her to be mine again. I want to kiss her, but I'm afraid it would be too much, too soon.
The music moves to something upbeat. She pulls away. I try to hold on to her, but she slips out of my grasp.
“I’m sorry, Jacob, I have to leave early. My ride's here.”
For a horrible second, I expect to see Michael in the doorway, waiting to claim her again. It’s Angelica, the roommate I met two nights ago.
I grab Jess’ hand, afraid to let her go. “I’ll take you home, Jess.”
