“It’s a little different, Jess.” He says it patiently—like he’s explaining something to a child. “I’m just in it for the training and money for college. I’ll do my time in the Army and then I can get my degree and a good job. It's a great place to get started. I’ve learned a lot. But for me, that’s all it is, a jumping-off point. For Jacob, it’s his whole life. Think about a life of long deployments and moving all over the country. He's already got you waiting around for him.”
“Michael's in the Army too, right? Wouldn't I have the same life with him?"
“He'll owe the Army some time after medical school, but then he'll be done. For his family, the military is a rite of passage. Every great-grandfather for years has been a soldier. Michael has been in ROTC since high school. He’s only a year older than me, and he out-ranks both me and Jake. He could walk away from the Army tomorrow and probably live on his trust fund for the rest of his life. He has everything in life, but he's still a good person. He wants to be a doctor so he can help people.”
I glare at Matt. “How would you feel if while you were in Iraq I set Kendra up with some rich guy from college?”
“That’s different. I’ve been dating Kendra for almost three years. By the time deploy, Kendra will be my fiancé, and if I can swing it, maybe my wife. You and Jacob had one make-out session in the barn. I’m not sure that's a relationship.”
“It was a lot more than that. It was... I... he said...” I hate the way Matt put it, and I hate how flustered it makes me trying to defend my relationship with Jacob. “It had been building for a long time before that.”
“I know you’ve had a thing for him forever, and yeah, he deserves all the credit for saving you from Brad in the barn. I can see how that cemented the feelings you already had for him, but are you sure it goes both ways? “
The thread of insecurity I feel every time I think about my relationship with Jacob forms into a rope that twists in my stomach. “What's that supposed to mean?”
“Look, I know Jake in a different way than you do. He’s a good guy, but girls have always gone for him. He’s always had one or two back-ups.”
“So you’re saying what? That I was his back-up?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just...if you really mean that much to him, why did he wait until just before he left to let you know how he felt? And why did it take him so long to get rid of that other woman?”
I’m ready to throw Matt out. Apparently, Kendra told him a lot about what went on between me and Jacob. More than I wanted her to.
Matt seems to get that he pushed things too far. He stands up. “I didn’t mean to insult you. It's just...you’re only eighteen, Jess. Keep your options open. If Jacob is the one, then you have my blessing. Not that you need it,” he adds hastily. “But I know that Michael already likes you. It might be worth giving him a chance.”
“If you think so much of Michael. You should go out with him.”
"Not my type," Matthew says. Then he adds meekly, “You’ll still help me tomorrow, won’t you?”
I let out a frustrated breath.“I’ll help you. Because I love Kendra, and I’m actually that desperate to have a sister. But honestly, Matt, butt out. I don’t need your help when it comes to finding a guy.”
“You’ll still be nice to Michael though?” Matthew stands up to leave.
“Don’t push it, Matt.” I growl.
“I love you, Jessica,” he says sweetly.
“Yeah, whatever. Go to bed. You’re going to need your sleep. You have a big day coming up tomorrow, unless I decide to tell Kendra what you're really like.”
As soon as Matthew leaves, I flop on my bed. I’m too irritated to think. Why does everyone have an opinion about who I should be with? Up until a couple of months ago, “everyone” included Jacob.
No way am I doing anything tomorrow that might give Michael any encouragement, or anything that will give Matthew the satisfaction of seeing us together. And I definitely won’t be confiding in Kendra again for a long time.
I’m supposed to come up with Matt’s perfect proposal plan. I look at the clock—11:30. Great. We’re leaving early tomorrow, and I have to keep up with a guy who used to race on skis. Keep up with him and avoid him at the same time.
five
Hot and Cold
Skiing. I’m going skiing.
It’s the only thing that gets me out of bed when the alarm rings. It was probably two o'clock. before I fell asleep. I can’t think of any brilliant ideas to help Matt propose to Kendra. I can't stop being annoyed at him for trying to set me up with Michael.
It's going to be a beautiful day on the slopes—sunny with new powder. My mood brightens. I should check my email, but I need to get going if I’m going to beat the bathroom rush.
I wrap up in my robe and hurry to the bathroom. Too late. Someone is already there. Matt, the king of long showers, somehow beat me to the bathroom. I pound on the door. “Save some hot water for the rest of us!”
I stop and listen. There's no answer, but someone is singing, actually singing in the shower. Singing well. It can’t be Matt or Tyler. It has to be... I lean against the door and recognize the voice.
