“Very nice, very formal, very military.” Becky sighs. “Absolutely heart-wrenching. I’ve never been to anything like that before. I didn't realize how hard it would be. I can’t imagine what those families are going through.”
I swallow hard. “Me either.”
“I was so happy and so relieved when Bryan called me, but I felt so guilty. I knew there were other wives who were getting a very different call, or a different visit. When they show up in person, it’s never good news.”
“That’s how I felt too—relieved and guilty.” I can’t look Becky in the eye. I study the patterns on the couch.
“It’s not easy, is it?” Becky leans over and touches my hand. “These reminders that what they’re doing is dangerous.”
“No.” I shake my head to clear the tears gathered in the corners of my eyes.I feel stupid crying in front of her.
Becky sighs. “They’re gone for months at a time, the pay isn’t great, and they’re putting their lives at risk. And yet we choose this becausewe love them.” She shakes her head. “Well, I should say I chose this. I guess you haven’t quite reached that point yet.”
I haven’t really thought about what my life would be like if I chose Jacob, or if he chose me. Right now, whatever sacrifice I have to make seems worth it to have him. The last few days made me realize it might be harder than I thought.
She sits back. “I’m sorry, Jess, I didn’t mean to make you sad. How’s college going?”
Everything in my life seems so trivial after where she’s been,but she seems ready to change the subject. “Good, kind of hard, but I’m doing okay.”
“I remember that part of it—the hard part." She leans closer. "What about fun? Are you having fun?” I shrug. “That’s the part I missed after I left.” She ruffles her fingers through Connor's hair. “Of course, that’s the part that got me in trouble.” Becky told me she’d dropped out of college when she found out she was pregnant with Connor. Connor isn’t Bryan’s son—his bio dad isn’t in the picture. “But it can’t be all work and no fun. Do you go out, go to parties?”
My stomach tightens. What would Becky think about my not-a-date with Michael? "I don't know. Not a lot. I have a couple of roommates who are really into that, but I'm not... I mean, with Jacob gone..."
She laughs. "Don't sound so guilty when you say that. It’s okay to enjoy yourself at college. You’re only eighteen. Jacob might kill me for saying this, but a year is a long time. You don’t have to put yourself in cold storage. You’re young, you’re beautiful. Enjoy it before you end up like me.” She puts her hand on her stomach and smiles. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy with how things turned out. I wouldn’t trade my boys for anything. But if I could have a few of my teenage yearsback...”
I’m about to burst. I need to tell someone about the date with Michael. Someone who knows Jacob. Someone who won't tell me that Michael is better for me.
“I have a confession to make.” I run my fingers through the fake fur on the blanket slung over the back of the couch. “I’m going to a New Year’s Eve party.”
“That’s not really a confession.”
“Even if I’m going with a guy, a guy my brother really wants me to be with?”
“Is this a guy from college?” Becky's face scrunches in concern. I immediately wish I hadn’t mentioned it.
“No, he's in the Army. He’s stationed at Fort Bliss with Matt. His family lives in Pullman, though. He came to our house for a couple of days and went skiing with us. He asked me to go to the party with him, as a friend.” I emphasize the last word.
“Do you like him?”
I shake my head. “He’s a nice guy, kind of arrogant, and he’s not...”
“He’s not Jacob,” she finishes and smiles.
“Nothing like Jacob, and honestly, I can’t imagine being with anyone but Jacob.”
“Then go have fun. Fort Bliss is far away, and if you aren’t really interested in him, where’s the harm?” She raises her eyebrows. “Jacob is one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met, and you’re an absolute angel. You two are perfect for each other.”
I blush. “Thanks, I think so too.”
“Then a few parties while he’s gone won't make that much difference. Just be happy. Enjoy yourself.”
“Thanks for everything, Becky.” I stand up. She looks tired, and it’s late. “I’d better get going.”
“Thanks for what?” Becky asks. “You’re the one who babysat for me and made cookies.”
“It was fun, and I appreciate all the advice you’ve given me.”
“Anytime.” It takes effort for her to stand. She gives me a hug. “Don’t be a stranger, please. I’m stuck with a toddler all day, so any adult conversation I get now is a plus.”
