Relief and guilt flood through me. No one I knew, but people had died in the explosion. Someone else received a very different call, a much different visit. Families were hurting—wives, kids, moms and dads. Was it fair to feel so happy when someone else was devastated?
I pick up the tone of Jacob’s voice. “But men you knew.”
“Yes, men I knew. We lost a lot of good men.” His pain comes through in his voice.
“I’m so sorry, Jacob.” Silent tears slip down my cheeks.
“So am I, Jess.”
The line stays quiet. I can hear him breathing, like he's close enough for me to touch, but still so far away. His voice is soft when he finally speaks. “I got your package. Thank you.”
“I got your emails. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you. Things have been kind of crazy. We went skiing, and Matt got engaged. I went shopping with Jaz.” I’m blabbering like an idiot. It all seems so trivial.
“Wow, tell him I said congratulations.”
“I will.”
“Thank you for the pictures. I love them all, especially the one in the leaves.”
“Kendra took that one for her photography class. She took a bunch that day, kind of like a photo shoot.”
“Are there more?”
“A lot more. It waskind of embarrassing.”
“Send them to me, please.”
“All of them?”
“Every one. I don’t care if you have your eyes closed or if they're out of focus. I want them all. I miss you so much.” Jacob sounds different—vulnerable. It’s sweet and sad at the same time. I can only imagine what he’s been through in the past few hours. I can barely imagine what he’s seen since he got to Iraq.
I wish I could hold him. I wish I could take away the pain in his voice. An idea comes to me. “Close your eyes.”
“What?”
“Trust me. Just close your eyes. My arms are around your neck. My breath is on your face. My lips are on your lips.” His breath comes through the line—close, like our lips could really touch. “Anytime you need a kiss from me, just close your eyes. I’ll always be there. I promise.”
“Thank you,” his answer is breathless, like we actually kissed. His tone changes, more like himself, mischievous. “Can I count them?”
“Can you count what?”
“The kisses, so I can redeem them when I get home.”
I laugh. “Absolutely.”
“Jess, I... I got you something for Christmas. Mom said she'd make sure it got there in time.” He sounds unsure.
"I told you I didn't need anything," I say, but I'm dying to know what it is.
"I know, but I thought you needed something a little nicer than a cheap locket. I hope you like it."
"I would love anything you gave me," I say.
"Thanks, I—" He’s interrupted by someone in the background. He swears under his breath. “Sorry. I have to go. I wish I could talk to you forever.”
“I do too.”
“Do me a favor. Could you check on Becky, Bryan’s wife? He said that she's really shook up. She knows the wives of the men who were killed.”
