Bryan hesitates. I’m not sure if he’s thinking or if he’s not sure how to answer my question. “Yeah. He was a good guy, but…I got the idea he was always hanging on by a thread. Physically he was as good as anyone, but mentally…I don’t know. There were some rumors about a hunting accident when he was a kid, something that messed him up and maybe should have disqualified him from service. Someone told me he had friends in high places who kept covering for him, but there were a lot of guys who were jealous because he had money. It could have just been that.” He’s quiet again. “Funny that you should ask about him. I heard he just got out.”
“Out?” I ask.
“Out of the Army. A few months ago. His deployment to Korea was cut short, and he came home, some medical thing.”
My heart freezes. “How many months ago?"
"Four or five maybe, I'm not—"
"Do you know what kind of medical thing?"
“No idea. Jake, what’s all this ab–”
“Thanks for the info. I’ll explain later.” I hang up, and start rummaging through my drawer for some clothes and my wallet. I grab them and turn to Jasmine. “Call Michael back, tell him you were wrong, that Jess isn’t at her house, that she’s back in Pullman, or Spokane, wherever will take him far away from her.”
“Where are you going?” She's looking at me like she thinks I've lost my mind. Maybe I have.
“To the airport. I’m going to Washington. It was Michael. It is Michael. At least I think it is. And I sent him there. I asked him to take care of her.”
“Jake, you’re not making sense,” Jasmine says. “You can’t just–”
“What are you doing, Jacob?” Steve is standing in the hall, blocking my way.
“I have to go. I have to make sure Jess is–”
“You have no proof she’s in any real danger. Nothing to go on but blind fear. She could have sent those pictures to you herself to get you to come running back.”
“She wouldn’t do that,” I say, trying to move past him.
He doesn’t move. “She’s not your responsibility. What are you going to do when you get there and find her with him? When you risk everything you've built your whole life on only to find out she’s been playing you this whole time?”
I keep my voice steady because I know he might be right about all of this. I’ve always had blinders on when it came to Jess, but I don’t think I’m going into this situation blind. “If I’m wrong about all of this, if she’s with him and safe, then I can let her go. But she’s not. I don’t know how to explain it, but I know, I know she’s in trouble. I know if I don’t go, something is going to happen to her. I could never live with myself if–”
“Think about it, Jacob. Think about what happens if you don’t show up for your deployment. Think about what you’re risking. At best you lose your promotion, at worst–”
“I know. I know what I’m risking. But I also know what I stand to lose if I don’t find her.”
eighty
Jess: All or Nothing
Iwake up with my heart racing, confused about where I am. It takes me a minute to remember that I’m home, in my own bed. I lean back on my covers and try to relax. Then I hear something outside. It sounds like a car circling the house, then pulling into our driveway. I stand and go to the window, opening the curtains just enough to see outside. The yard is empty.
I’m paranoid.
I should just go back to bed, wrap up in my blanket and try to go back to sleep, but I know I won't. A little blue box of memories sits on my dresser. I have this sudden urge to see the pictures of Jacob I have there, to pull out the locket, and rub it between my fingers.
I bring the box back with me to my bed. I turn on the little lamp on my nightstand and open it. The first thing on top of the pile is a picture of me and Jacob on the couch together. I stare at the girl in the photo and think of how young and naïve I was. How muchI was in love with Jacob then. How hard I tried to get his attention. How I thought we were destined to live happily ever after.
The girl in the picture knew so little about grief and loss and real life.
The locket is next. I run the smooth surface over my lips, remembering the first kiss, and the second, and so many that came after. I close my eyes against the tears. Someday, I hope I can look back on my time with Jacob with sweet memories instead of heartbreak.
I leave the picture and the locket on my nightstand and put the box back on my dresser. As I go to put the lid back, another picture stares back at me. Michael and I in parachute gear, our faces flushed with excitement. I pick it up and look closer.
I don’t regret telling him never to call me. Michael, with his grand gestures, and money and plans for my life, never understood what I wanted or who I was. It took being away from him to realize how much of me he had tried to control when we were together. I flip the picture over and re-read the message he wrote when he sent it to me.
Looking forward to our next adventure. I’ll be thinking of you. Love, Michael.
