I think about that for a long moment. Maybe she's right. The idea of walking down the stairs into a dark basement by myself is terrifying.
K. I'll stay here.
Are you sure you’re okay?
No.
Fine. Good. I hope you’re having fun. Happy Anniversary! Love you!
I can't ruin their anniversary.
Thanks! I’m turning my phone off now. The texting rates from the ship are astronomical. Talk to you soon. Love you.
I hold onto the phone for a long time, wishing I could say more to her. Maybe when they get back. Maybe I can ask for help then.
I take the rifle and a box of ammunition out of the closet. Just before I close the safe, I catch sight of one of my dad’s handguns, one I've shot before. It's small and easy to handle. It would be better to keep with me, at least until I work up the courage to buy my own gun. I put my rifle back and take the smaller gun instead.
seventy-nine
Jacob: Risk
“The pictures are all at least four months old.” Nate says.
His call pulled me out of a fitful sleep, filled with dreams of Jess and Iraq. I don’t remember anything concrete, only that she was in trouble and I couldn’t get to her.
“That old?”
“Yeah. They’re all extremely creepy. This is the guy from before, Brad?”
“It has to be. I don’t know who else would be stalking her.” Brad should have been in jail then, but maybe he got out without my knowing. Maybe that's why Jess started hiding right after we broke up.
“What did she say about it?”
I hesitate for a minute. “We aren’t exactly on speaking terms.”
“Idiot,” Nate says.
“What?” I say.
“You’re an idiot when it comes to Jess. You always have been.”
I’m waiting for him to tell me to get over her, to stop acting like a whooped dog, like everyone else has. I’m ready to defend myself and say, “I broke up with her.”
Instead he says, “You’re an idiot for letting her go. You have no idea what you have with her. You have no idea what I would have given to have her look at me the way she looks at you, even one time. Hell, I’d be happy if any girl looked at me that way.”
“Angel?”
“Long gone.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He lets out a long sigh. “What happened with Jess?”
I keep it brief. I’m positive Nate will agree with her, that I should have done what I could to get out of the deployment. He stays quiet as I finish up. “It’s an impossible situation. I can’t not go to Iraq. Jess can’t accept that.”
“Did you give her time to process the whole thing, or did you just lose it when she asked you to stay with her?”
“I lost it,” I admit.
