I haven’t spoken to my brother for almost two years. I’ve been too mad to call him first, and I’m guessing he feels the same way. He may have gotten a new number like Jess. He probably won’t answer.
The phone rings seven times. I’m trying to figure out what kind of message I might give to to his voicemail when a suspicious voice answers. “Jake?”
“Nate!” I want to cry at the sound of his voice. There are so many things I want to tell him, so many questions I want to ask, but I don’t have time. “What kind of information can you get from a digital picture?”
The other end is quiet for a long time. I think he hung up on me. Finally, he says, “You haven’t talked to me in almost two years, and this is what you call for? I only answered because I thought someone had died.” Now I’m sure he’s going to hang up.
“Wait, Nate, please. It’s important. I need your help. Jess is in trouble.”
“Jess?” he asks.
He still cares about her. He might even still be in love with her. I can tell by the way he says her name. I talk fast, explaining the situation, hoping I can leverage that to get him to help me.
Once I get it all out, he’s silent again for a long time. “I’ll text you my email. Send me the pictures. I’ll see what I can figure out.”
seventy-six
Jess: Overthinking
Weekends are the worst. There’s nothing to do but hang out at my empty apartment and think. I can't go for a run. I don’t have any homework because I’m not taking classes now. I can't focus enough to read or watch TV. I keep thinking about what Jacob is doing right now. He could already be in Iraq.
I think about what the next year will be like, knowing he’s there, but not knowing what’s going on. If something happened to him, I’m sure Trina would let us know. Beyond that…then I think about beyond that. What’s it going to be like when he’s home? When I find out he’s dating someone, getting married, moving on with his life?
That spiral of thoughts will lead me to the bottom of a pit I’m afraid I won’t be able to climb out of. I struggle to pull myself out of my funk. There are still a couple of things the police officer suggested I haven’t done yet. My lease doesn’t allow pets, so a dog is out for now. The part of her advice that I’ve been avoiding comes back to me.
I need a gun.
My dad has an entire arsenal in his gun safe. She warned me it would need to be one that is registered in my name to cover my bases legally, in case… Then I remember. I do own a gun. It’s a rifle my dad bought me for my eighteenth birthday. He tried to get me to go hunting with him. I couldn’t stomach it, so I’ve only used it for target practice. It’s not something I could carry as a concealed weapon, but it is registered to me. I haven’t shot a gun since I shot Brad in the leg. After everything that happened before, the thought of shooting it, even in self-defense, makes me sick.
But I don’t want to be dead either. I have some idea of what my death would do to my parents, and Tyler, even Jacob.
No one’s home. My parents are celebrating their anniversary with a cruise, and Tyler is backpacking with his friends—a last hurrah before they start their senior year. I could get my gun, get in and out without having to answer questions. I don’t want to make them worry about me any more than I already have.
I make myself get up and grab my keys.
seventy-seven
Jacob: Give Away
“Sargeant Ricks. Good to hear from you,” Lieutenant Stephens says when Mom hands me her phone. “Jess told me you’re deploying to Iraq again. I hope everything goes well.”
“You’ve seen her lately?” I’m relieved enough not to be jealous. Almost.
“I talked to Jess a couple of days ago, why?” He still has that tone when he talks about her—possessive. Maybe they’re already back together.
“Do you know where she is now?”
“I’m not sure I should–”
“Please, it’s important,” I say. “I think she’s in danger. I got a bunch of pictures from her old boyfriend. The one who was in jail. He’s been stalking her, and I think he’s getting ready to come after her.”
“Yeah. He’s been sending her messages too,” Stephens says.
I'm shocked. “What messages? When?”
“For a long time, actually. She got a card from him right after Matt was killed, and one on her birthday.”
“What?”
