“Thanks,” she says.
I reach for her hand. “Can I help you up?”
“I got it.” She stands slowly.
We clean the snow out of her bindings. She leans on me and stomps into her ski, but it doesn’t stay. She tries a couple more times. I kneel down and look at the binding.
“I think it’s messed up,” I say.
She shakes her head. “Old skis.”
Tyler kneels beside me. “You should have let Michael buy you those expensive skis for Christmas like he wanted.”
She kneels down and examines the binding. “There are a lot of things that Michael wanted to give me, that I didn’t want.”
I’m surprised at the bitterness in her voice, but I can't help but be happy about it. “I’ll carry your skis down.”
“You don't have to do that. It’s only a little way from here to the bottom. I can make it that far on one ski. I don't want to mess up the rest of your day. I’ll see you at the condo.”
“I’ll follow you down,” I say.
“I’m fine.” I want to argue with her, but the tone in her voice and the look on her face make me think she wants to be left alone.
I watch her start down the hill and then follow Tyler.
I bomb the next two runs; I want to get back to Jess and make sure she’s really okay. On the way back to the condo, Tyler tells me about a party that his friends are having tonight. I nearly forgot it was New Years Eve.
"You're invited, but I don’t want Jess to come. Too much like having Mom there," he says.
I start to answer, but the voice coming through the door of the condo stops me. Tyler opens the door and we step inside.
“…with some other guy,” Jess is saying.
“She has the right to get on with her life,” Mrs. Roberts’ answers. “It’s been over a year.”
“Not here, Mom, she can’t bring him here,” Jess bites back. “And a year isn’t that long. I thought she loved Matt.”
“Hon, the amount of time you spend grieving doesn’t have anything to do with how much you loved someone.”
“Don’t try to defend her.”
Mrs. Roberts sighs. “Matt wouldn’t want Kendra to stop living.”
“Don’t tell me what Matt would want. Matt wanted to marry Kendra. He wanted to live, but he can’t want anything anymore. He’s dead.”
“Jess,” Mrs. Roberts says.
There’s no answer but footsteps on the stairs and a door slamming shut.
I wait in the doorway, but Tyler walks inside to his mom. He folds her in his arms. “Kendra?” he asks.
Mrs. Roberts nods. “Jess ran into Kendra and her new boyfriend. I knew they were here. I saw them yesterday, but I didn’t tell Jess. I didn’t think she would take it well.” She pulls away from Tyler and sinks into a chair. “What are we going to do with her?”
sixty-one
Whatever it Takes
Chopping wood should be a good way to get rid of my frustrations. I chop enough for the next four people who rent this condo. It doesn’t help. I can’t decide whether I’m mad at Kendra or Jess, or just fed up. I want to shake Jess, and tell her to snap out of this, but I know that won’t work.
