one
Waiting
November 2004
His face on the screen. His voice, calm and clear, makes my heart soar and ache at the same time. I hate that he’s here and not here. It feels like I could reach out and touch him, but he can’t see me. I can’t even talk to him directly.
Having his voice, his presence, even if it’s only on a screen, makes this whole thing bearable. Makes reliving the worst night of my life a few feet away from the cause of that night possible.
"I've been thinking about you."
Brad's voice pulls my attention from the screen and sends cold prickles down my back. His lawyer hushes him before the judge notices. Brad's just trying to get to me. He's been staring daggers at the back of my head for the entire trial. I won’t give him the satisfaction of turning around and acknowledging his words. The only time I facedhim was when I gave my statement. I looked him square in the eye. I made sure he was the first to look away.
This isn’t a full-fledged trial. As charismatic as Brad can be, I don’t think his lawyer thought he could sway a jury. He waived the right to a jury trial, refused the plea bargain, and now we’re together in this little room. The person I hate most is less than five yards away. The person I most want to be with most is almost 7,000 miles away.
“In the statement you made before, both you and Ms. Roberts indicated you hadn’t ever been romantically involved. Is that still true?” Brad’s lawyer asks Jacob.
Jacob’s answer is firm. “At the time we made that statement, that was true, but in all honesty, the nature of our relationship has changed since then.”
“And what would the nature of that relationship be now? Are you and Ms. Roberts dating, or..?”
Jacob laughs. “To be fair, sir, I can’t be dating Ms. Roberts or really anyone now. I’m in the middle of a war zone.”
“I guess that’s a good point,” the lawyer responds. “Let me rephrase that. Would you say you have a romantic relationship with Ms. Roberts now?”
My lawyer interrupts, even though I really want to hear Jacob answer that question. “Your honor, Sergeant Ricks and Ms. Roberts' relationship is not what’s on trial here.”
The other lawyer jumps in. "It goes toward whether we’re talking about a domestic dispute here or an assault. These three have a long history–”
“Answer the question, Sergeant Ricks.” The judge’s voice is clipped and efficient. “I’ll determine if it’s relevant.”
“Okay, yes. I would say it’s a romantic relationship, and I hope Jess, Ms. Roberts, would view it the same way. Long distance as it is. But it began after Mr. Wilson attacked her in the barn.”
“What would you say the impetus was for the change in your relationship?” Brad’s lawyer asks.
I hold my breath, waiting for my lawyer to interrupt again. Maybe it isn’t relevant to the case, but I want to hear Jacob’s answer.
He doesn’t hesitate, like he’s already thought this through. “Well sir, I guess when you’re put into an intense situation, like when I found Ms. Roberts after Mr. Wilson attacked her in the barn, and frankly, like the one I find myself in now, it makes you realize what’s really important, and what you stand to lose by waiting too long.”
"Three years?" The anger in Jacob's voice crackles across the bad connection.
“Actually, they counted the time he’s already served, so it's less than that. He’ll be out in about thirty-four months.”
"That isn't nearly enough time for what he did to you and what he tried to do before.”
“There wasn’t enough proof of anything else. We had to stick to what happened in the barn. The judge sounded like he was throwing the book at him. I guess three years is a long time for a domestic assault.”
"They still called it that? I don’t get it. He came onto your property and came after you. Simple assault.”
“The prosecuting attorney warned me he’d likely just get ‘time served,’ so this is better. Apparently, when he put his hands on my throat it crossed the line between domestic assault and felony domestic assault. That’s why he got the longer sentence.”
“Not long enough, but at least he won’t be out before I get home.”
“I hope I’ve forgotten his name by the time you get home." I close my eyes and try to control the shake in my voice. "Thanks for being there. It was so good to hear your voice.”
“Well, you know, subpoena and all of that. Hard to refuse.” His voice gets softer. “But you know I would have been there anyway. I wish I could have been there in person. I wish I could have been there to hold your hand, just hold you in general. I wish I could have at least seen your face. I’m sorry you had to face him alone.”
“I wish you could have been there too." I take in a deep breath. "It’s over. That’s all that matters now. I miss you, Jacob.”
