"I know. It's one of the things I find compelling." His hands moved from my shoulders to cup my face, gentle despite their size. "But I need you to know what you're getting into. I have survivor's guilt. Nightmares about my lost unit. A protective streak that borders on pathological. I'm not good at emotional vulnerability or expressing feelings or any of the things relationships apparently require."
"So we're both disasters."
"Exactly." His smile was soft, genuine. "But I want to try anyway. Want to figure out how to be with you without my issues destroying what we're building. Want to learn how to be the partner you deserve instead of just the warrior who protects you."
I reached up to touch his face, my small hand barely spanning his jaw. "And I want to learn how to let someone in. How to trust that you won't leave or decide I'm too much orfind someone easier." My voice dropped to a whisper. "How to believe I deserve something good."
"You do." He turned his head to press a kiss to my palm. "You deserve everything good. Everything soft. Everything that makes you smile instead of carrying grief like armor."
"I spent so long punishing myself for surviving when others didn't. Taking dangerous assignments, working impossible hours, trying to earn the right to be alive." My throat tightened. "But you make me want to stop punishing myself. Make me want to actually live instead of just survive."
Vaxon's arms came around me, pulling me against his chest despite the size difference making it absurd. But somehow I fit perfectly there, my head tucked under his chin, his heartbeat steady against my ear.
"Then live," he murmured into my hair. "Choose this. Choose us. Choose the terrifying possibility that something might actually work out instead of ending in disaster."
"I'm choosing." The words came easier than expected. "I'm here. I'm staying. I'm done running from anything good just because I'm scared of losing it."
"Good." His hand tilted my face up, those cobalt eyes holding mine with gravitational force. "Because I'm done pretending I don't want this. Don't want you. Every brilliant, chaotic, beautiful part of you."
He kissed me again, and this time there was no careful control. Just hunger and want and months of restraint finally breaking. I pressed closer, rising on my toes to meet him halfway, my hands tangling in his shirt because I needed an anchor and he was the most solid thing in my universe.
When we finally broke apart, both breathing hard, Vaxon rested his forehead against mine. "Stay," he said. "Tonight. Not for anything except being together. I want to hold you while you sleep. Want to wake up with you here. Want to prove this is real."
My heart stuttered. Staying meant more than just sleeping in his quarters. It meant trusting him with vulnerability I'd never offered anyone. Meant letting him see me completely, not just the competent engineer but the woman underneath who was terrified and damaged and desperately wanted to believe something good could last.
"I want that too," I admitted. "All of it. You and me and whatever impossible future we're building."
"Nothing about you is impossible." His hands moved to my waist, impossibly gentle. "Improbable, maybe. Chaotic, definitely. But not impossible."
"I don't know how to do this." The confession escaped before I could stop it. "The physical part. I've never, not with someone so—" I gestured helplessly at the size difference between us.
Understanding crossed his features. "We don't have to do anything tonight except sleep. Just being together is enough."
"But I want to." The words came out too fast, too desperate. "I just don't know how it works. The logistics. The size difference. What if I do it wrong or it doesn't work or?—"
"Elena." He caught my face in his hands again, making me look at him. "We'll figure it out. Together. Slowly. With as much communication as you need." His thumb brushed across my cheekbone. "And if tonight we just sleep? That'sperfect too. There's no timeline. No pressure. Just us learning each other."
The relief that flooded through me was almost painful. "You're being very patient with my neuroses."
"You're being very brave about trusting me." He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "That's worth infinite patience."
He guided me to his sleeping platform, large enough to accommodate his eight-foot-eight frame and then some. The lighting dimmed further as we settled, Vaxon's back against the wall, his arms coming around me to pull me against his chest.
I should have felt ridiculous, curled against him like some kind of child given the size difference. Should have felt vulnerable in the worst way. Instead I just felt safe. Protected. Chosen.
"Tell me about your unit," I said quietly. "The one you lost."
He tensed, then deliberately relaxed. "Why?"
"Because they're part of you. Part of what made you who you are." I traced one of the scars on his arm. "And I want to know you. All of you. Not just the parts you think are acceptable to show."
He was quiet for so long I thought he might refuse. Then his chest rose and fell with a deep breath.
"There were twelve of us. Elite tactical unit assigned to protect Garmuth'e's outer settlements. I was second-in-command." His voice went distant, remembering. "We got ambushed. Hostile force three times our size. I made the call to hold position instead of retreat. Thought we could buy time for civilian evacuation."
His arms tightened around me. "We held for six hours. Long enough for the civilians to escape. But when reinforcements finally arrived, I was the only one left alive. Covered in my unit's blood. Still standing because I was too stubborn or too stupid to die with them."
"You survived because you're a warrior," I said. "Because you did your job and protected people who needed protecting."
