CHAPTER 1
KieraEmmerson
Saturday, May 29
The Barrett familyroom smells like popcorn and the lavender candle Kiki keeps on the mantel. I stare at my phone, my thumb hovering over the send button for approximately three seconds before I hit it.
Hey, I've been thinking about tomorrow. Maybe this isn't a good idea after all. I don't want to complicate things. Sorry.
There. Done. Smart decision, Kiera. Very mature. Definitely not running away from something good because you're terrified of getting hurt again.
I toss my phone onto the couch cushion beside me like it's contaminated and pull my knees up to my chest. On the floor, Skyler is narrating an elaborate drama involving her Barbie dolls, something about a wedding and a dragon attack. The TV plays some animated show in the background, all bright colors and cheerful music that feels aggressively optimistic.
River's probably confused. Or annoyed. Or—worse—he's figured out exactly why I'm backing out and feels sorry forme.Poor damaged Kiera, can't even accept a simple job offer without spiraling.
I pick up my phone and pull up the apartment listing I've been obsessing over for the past week. It's a studio above the bookstore on Main Street—small, but it has a kitchenette with an actual oven and a window that faces Main Street, and you can even see the harbor in the distance. The landlord wants first month’s rent and a security deposit. Eighteen hundred dollars total to move in.
I open my banking app. I have just enough to cover it, plus a tiny bit extra. I saved every spare dollar from my shifts at Levi's bakery, but I bought a car last month which depleted most of it. And the apartment is $900 a month.
I barely make over a thousand dollars a month working part time for Levi. If I take the apartment, I'll have to live on beans and water. And I don’t even know how much utilities are. I might have to sell a kidney.
The math is brutal and unforgiving, just like sleeping on the streets was.
“Kiera, can Ariel marry the princeandfight the dragon?” Skyler asks, holding up two dolls.
“Why not?” I say, grateful for the distraction. “Ariel can do whatever she wants.”
“That's what I thought!” Skyler returns to her game, making explosion sounds.
The smart thing—theonlything—would be to take River's job. Thirty dollars an hour, five times a week, plus ingredient money. That would be almost two thousand extra dollars a month. With my bakery shifts, I'd actually have breathing room. I could save for the cooking competition. I could eat something other than ramen and whatever Kiki insists on feeding me.
But.
River Stone is not safe. Not because he's dangerous—Heavens, no, he's probably the least dangerous person I've ever met. But because he'sinterested. I've seen the way he looks at me, like I'm something worth paying attention to. Like I'm not just the broken girl who got kicked out by her parents for being stupid.
And the worst part? I kind of want to let him look at me like that. I want to believe that maybe, possibly, someone could actually?—
Nope. Not going there.
I've made this mistake before. I know how this story ends. I’d much rather swear off men then go through that again.
At least if I keep River at arm's length, I can't get hurt. And he can't use me. And I won't end up sleeping under a bridge again when it all falls apart.
The front door opens, and I hear Kiki's laugh before I see her. She and Tobias appear in the doorway, his arm around her waist. She's practically vibrating with energy, bouncing on her toes in a way that makes me instantly suspicious.
“What did you do?” I ask.
Kiki presses her lips together, trying and failing to look innocent. “What makes you think I did something?”
“You look like you're about to explode. Also, you only get that particular manic gleam in your eye when you're hiding something big.”
Tobias grins and squeezes her shoulder. “Should we tell her?”
“Tell me what?” I lower my feet to the floor, suddenly nervous.
Kiki crosses the room and turns off the television. Skyler pauses her playing and looks up at her. Kiki rocks back on her heels. “I'm pregnant.”
The words hit me like a bucket of ice water.
