49
kennedy
He’s on the ground. He’s on the ground, and he’s not moving. He’s just lying there. A knot twists in my stomach, one far worse than any turbulence I’ve ever experienced. I’ve been in literal near-death situations from my Guard duties, but nothing has given me the sense of dread I feel right now. It’s one thing when you’re facing your own death. It’s another entirely when you’re fearing it may happen to someone else. Someone you actually care about.Even if you’re not ready to admit it yet.
My hands are shaking, my legs are wobbly, and tears are welling up in my eyes.What the hell happened to him?I jump to my feet, my hands wrapped around my waist.And what the hell is happening to me?!
Olivia puts her arm around my shoulder, both of us watching in horror as Jordan lies motionless on the ice. “You, okay? God, I didn’t think about the fact that you’re so new to hockey life.”
I can’t answer, my voice refusing to work as I tremble in her arms.
“Kenni,” Maggie reassures me, “he’s probably fine. Your man does this a lot. He was most likely trying to draw a penalty and get the Riders a man advantage. He’s famous throughout the league for doing this. Stop me if you’ve heard this before,” shesays in a sarcastic tone, “but Jordan Boucher is quite known for his theatrics.”
I huff out a little laugh that interrupts my tears for a moment. “I guess so. But…how do you know what’s real and what’s fake with someone like him?”
“You’re the onefakedating him,” Olivia says, making air quotes with her fingers, ”you tell me. How does one know when something is fake or has turned real?”
I narrow my eyes as I sniffle, slowly turning my head to face her. “It’s like you said. I’m not used to this. It’s different when the person living in your apartment is the one lying on the ice. I am allowed to worry about my fake boyfriend.”
“Sure you are,” Maggie snorts, her tone dripping with snark. “I’d beworried about myroommateto the point of tears dripping off my chin, too, in this situation. So…” She sniffs. “So…” She sniffs again. “Worried. Platonically, of course. This is all fake. You would never have real feelings for that man.”
I turn my glare to Maggie, the bitch having the audacity to flutter her eyelashes at me.
“Anything you’d like to share with the class, Kenni?”
“Look! He’s sitting up!” Olivia shouts, tapping my arm. “See? He’s going to be fine.”
I see the trainers helping him stand before ushering him back to the bench.At least that guy on the other team got a penalty. God, I want to karate chop that guy in the face for hurting Jordan. Also, if his perfect little face is injured one little bit, Iamgoing to retaliate.
I watch Jordan sit on the bench, the trainers tending to his face, the crowd going somewhat silent again, except for everyone in our suite starting to scream. We scored a goal. We’re winning. I don’t even care. I mean, I do, because I know it’s important to the team, to the fans, tohim,but all I feel is numbness untilI know he’s okay.Does he have a concussion? Does he need stitches?I don’t see blood, but we’re pretty far up here.
Oh shit.My heart stops.I have to go to the airport now.Fresh tears fill my eyes. God, I fucking hate this. This is why I don’t come to many games, because now I have to leave to prepare myself to fly the team home and focus on my job.
That’s when I lose it.
Full-on tears streaming down my face, ugly crying, hiccuping sobs rack through me. Dammit, there are probably cameras on me, too.
“Aw, Kenni, it’s going to be okay! I promise he’s fine. Hey, I’ll text Hayes, and hopefully he’ll see it and text back before the next period,” Olivia says, rubbing her hand down my back as Maggie does the same. I collapse against Maggie’s shoulder, no clue how I lucked out moving down the hall from her and gaining this group of girlfriends. I don’t know how I’d survive without them,despite their meddling in my love life.
“I’m sorry, guys. It’s just…there’s a lot going on right now. I think this was just the final straw for me, from holding in all my emotions for the past couple of months. I’m just…” I groan, burying my head in my hands, “yes, I’m fucking worried about him. Apparently, through all this, I caught fucking feelings for him, and it’s overwhelming as fuck. Being in this world is all so new. Hell, even being in the same apartment every night when we’re home is new. He’s nothing like I ever expected, but everything I needed. And he’s so fucking sweet! Why does he have to be so nice?” I laugh, the sound watery. “He set up that damn espresso maker he got me and makes a vanilla almond milk latte every morning before he leaves. He even figured out how to make a heart in the foam!” Maggie smirks, Olivia’s eyes shining with understanding. “You know how they say some people have old souls? Well, he’s a twenty-three-year-old with the heart of a Millennial. He watches Saved by the Bell reruns asa part of his pre-game routine before every game, for God’s sake. Every game!Andhe watches an endless amount of rom-coms with me. Did you know he can practically recite Sweet Home Alabama by heart?”
“I’m not surprised. Once, Zack and Kara brought one of their kids to meet us for dinner, and there were a lot of ‘you have a baby in a bar’ quotes that night.” Olivia giggles.
I’m genuinely sad I wasn’t there to see that.
“We were watching 13 Going on 30, and he made me get up and do the Thriller dance with him. He had to drag me off the couch, but dammit…it was kind of fun.”
Olivia hums, dropping her head on my shoulder, and watches the Zambonis clean the ice.
“He was so nervous around me when this all started. I couldn’t figure out why. Then he told me he was my secret admirer, and it all clicked. And as much as it pains me to say this out loud…you were right. Dammit, why are you always right? He was nervous because he liked me. I should be pissed. I should hate him because he couldn’t just man up and say what he was thinking. But…goddammit, I kind of like that he didn’t!” I collapse into my seat. “Why am I so drawn to the fact that he’s the most caring, compassionate, selfless, kind-hearted person I’ve ever met? And why thehellwould he want to be with a sarcastic, I hate the world, fuck the man, woman like me? I was such a bitch to him for so long. And he doesn’t even seem to care! But he should care, right? I ignored him for months. God, I’m such a bitch. And now he could be hurt? Really hurt? I want to take back every time I ever snubbed him on that damn plane.”
Another wave of ugly tears hits. I can’t hold them back. I don’t want to. They have been walled up behind a dam that’s cracked wide open; there’s no putting them back or stopping them.
“Kenni, look at me,” Maggie says, her fingers finding mine. “You can’t change the past. Let me tell you from experience, no matter how much you want to, that shit is set. Vladi and I have had our issues, specifically about how we treated one another when we should have listened, but somehow, it brought us closer together. And everything you’re saying right now sounds a lot like you care about Jordan. Take your regrets and pour every ounce of them into loving him back for the rest of your life.”
I swallow hard, my eyes staring widely at hers. “Maggie…I don’t know that we’re in love.”
“Love comes in a lot of different ways,” Olivia encourages me. “Hayes and I fell in love super fast. Maggie and Vladi? They took some time to see it. But everything you’ve just said? Your brain might be having a hard time catching up to your heart, but that’s love.”
