After all the gifts are open, Larsy stands, clearing his throat to address the group.
“Kennedy, Jordan. I want to say congratulations to you both,” he says, making my heart soar. This group has becomesuch a family to us, and Larsy saying a few words is getting me all in the feels.
Larsy smirks, shaking out his speech. “And Jordan, since you wrote me such alovelypoem for my bachelor party, I thought I would return the favor here at your shower.”Ohhhh shit. My heart is no longer soaring. My heart is nosediving through the air and crashing on a tropical island in the middle of the ocean.“I’m not a poet, but I do happen to be married to a songwriter, so she helped me with the rhyming.”
Kennedy is literally going to murder me in my sleep if this is anything like the poem I wrote for Larsy’s bachelor party.
“H-hey Hayes,” I say, patting him on the back, “that’s sweet of you, man, but you really don’t have to do this.”
He looks at me with a wicked smile. “Oh yes, Jordan. I do.”
“Larsy…myparentsare here,” I whisper to him, the blood draining from my face.
“Guess you’ll have to wait and see how inappropriate this is then, huh?”
I glance at Kennedy, who has heard rumors of the poem I read at their destination wedding and is looking at me like she will, in fact, murder me. I bite the inside of my cheek, preparing myself for what’s about to come.There’s no taking things back.I made this bed, and now I have to lie in it.
“I’ve titled this…Bougie’s Baby Shower Poem.”
Oh God. Here we go.
“Today we celebrate Bougie and Kenni,
I’m sure this shower cost you a pretty penny.
You found a woman, and finally settled down
She was in the air, while you were on the ground.”
Aww, this is kinda sweet actually.
“But you two came together, surprising us all
And you impregnated her with the sperm from your balls.”
Kennedy rolls her eyes at me. Yeah. Okay. I’m definitely getting smothered to death in my sleep.
“But that’s as graphic as this poem gets
Because we’re here with all our parents.
Here’s to your babies being happy and healthy
As if they even need that cause they’ll be really wealthy
And whenever you feel you’re drowning in diapers
Remember you’re part of this family of Riders.”
My eyes burn while the world goes fuzzy.Dammit Larsy.I give my teammate the biggest hug. “Thank you for only referencing sperm and balls in the poem.”
“That is your gift. Not making that poem dirtier. Trust me…Olivia and I had some other ideas.” We both laugh. “Now…go sit with your wife so we can get a group photo.”
Oops! Did I forget to mention we got married? I bought a ring the day after we decided to fake date. Had my family jeweler on that shit in a flash. You never know when you’re going to need to propose to your fake girlfriend, who you want to be more than your fake girlfriend. It was the perfect day, one of many we’ve already had. We were taking the Cup around Montreal on my day, with the glorious trophy my name is now engraved on forever. Name a better day to propose to your girlfriend and the mother of your future children. I’ll wait.
Kenni never wanted a big wedding. But I did. And she indulged me. We got married before the season started. It was pulled together quickly, but when you have access to a lot ofmoney, you can make things happen quickly. She had a few things she wanted, but the rest was all me. I’ll have to let Ellie tell you the whole story sometime, because it was epic. But I’ll save that for another time.
Right now, there’s only one word to describe my life. Happy. We’re about to have two little ones to care for, and I’m over the moon ecstatic, and terrified, in the best way. I have a beautiful wife, an amazing job, a great group of friends, and so many exciting things planned for our future that it would take years for me to list them all.
