Simon’s breath hitched, just slightly, as though he had not expected those words.
“That does not mean I am not hurt, Simon. But I see now that you did not do this out of cruelty.”
“That still does not excuse what I have done.” Simon let himself relax a little, but the tension did not fully dissipate. “You are far more understanding than I deserve, but that does not erase the danger I put you in.” Simon’s throat worked, as though swallowing down his regret.
“I suppose it does not,” she murmured. What else was there to be said?
“But if you can believe me now, then you should know that it did change for me as I got to know you.” He glanced downward for the briefest moment. “When I left, it was not because I did not wish to live with you anymore. It was because I wanted to keep you safe.”
“And did it work?” Rachel studied him. All the hurt she had felt from his abandonment suddenly felt distant now that he was here, being so vulnerable with her.
“No.” His jaw clenched. “It was the opposite, if anything. My foolish mistake.”
She exhaled, staring at him now. He had spent his life chasing a ghost, only to realize too late that he had placed her in the very danger he had hoped to shield her from. She knew that the realization was tearing him apart.
“Simon,” she whispered. Even if she tried, she could not get angry at him now.
“And in the midst of all of this…” He looked at her, his eyes wide with sincerity. “… I never planned to love you.”
Rachel wondered if she was mishearing things at first.Loved her?
“And I never should have,” he continued before she could even come to terms with what he had just admitted.
“You nevershouldhave?” Her voice wavered, resembling something very close to heartbreak.
“What I mean is…”
“You mean to tell me that after everything that has happened…” She steeled herself,feeling the anger rise in her chest. “… you are now regretting the one real thing between us?”
“You misunderstand me,” he tried to defend himself.
“Then explain, Simon, because I am struggling to understand how you can sit there and tell me that you never should have loved me.”
Simon’s expression was that of a tormented man, and she found herself softening towards him yet again.
“Because you deserve better than this,” he sighed. “I have only given you trouble since I have been in your life.”
Rachel inhaled slowly. “So last night, when you stayed with me—what was that?”
She never really knew what anything meant when it came to Simon.
“That was not an obligation, Simon,” she continued. “You could have left even then, seeing as you regret everything.”
“You make it sound like everything should be reasonable and logical.” He shook his head.
“Is that not how everything is in your world?” she prodded. “You have always been one for practicality.”
“But nothing about what I feel for you is practical.” His voice sounded strained. “You have changed how I used to think, and Idid not even believe that was possible, given that I was always so set in my own ways.”
Rachel opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Their gaze met, and then a strange thing happened.
Both of them began to laugh as they had finally realized the absurd situation in which they had found themselves.
“Do you fault me for that?” she asked.
He shook his head, reaching for her.
“No, none of this is your fault.” He kissed her hand softly. Rachel shivered under his touch, even though it was innocent. “But I realized last night that you are worth more than revenge and certainly, more than anything else that I used to think was important. If I lose you, what else is there left for me?”
