“I thought she did at first. Now I don’t think it’s that. She just wants what’s best for him, and she doesn’t think that’s me.”
“Of course you’re good for him!” Marina insisted loyally. “You’d be good for anybody, Susan! He’s lucky to have you.”
Susan smiled at her sister. “You’re sweet,” she said. “But maybe I’m not. Because what Aunt Tabitha said was that Norman would be happier if he had married for love. And for all I know, that’s the truth. It seems reasonable.”
“Wait a moment.” Marina took Susan’s hand. “Did she say all these things right in front of you? That’s awful.”
“No.” Susan’s face grew hot. “I wasn’t meant to hear. When I came home from our promenade, they were in the sitting room talking about it, and I overheard as I was walking by. I shouldn’t have stopped to listen, but I couldn’t help myself.”
“Of course you couldn’t,” Marina soothed her. “Anyone would have stopped once they heard their name. Once they knew they were being discussed.”
“I just can’t stop thinking that she’s right,” Susan murmured. “We married for mutual advantage, not for love. And now everything we hoped to gain has been achieved. Should we really spend our whole lives yoked together now that we’ve gotten what we wanted? There’s a way out of this for both of us. That was what we agreed on from the very start—that we would put on a show for a while, and then we would go our separate ways as soon as we were able.”
“Did he tell you he wanted you to go, then?” Marina’s voice tightened in anger. “I can’t believe he would say that to you.”
“No, no. He didn’t.” Susan sighed. She couldn’t get it out of her head—the way Norman’s face had hardened when she had told him she was leaving. “I think I just… hoped he would ask me to stay. I know that’s foolish. He never had any attachment to me. But…”
“You did fall in love with him,” Marina whispered.
Susan looked away. “No, I didn’t.”
She couldn’t even look at her sister while she said the words. Marina would surely hear the lie in them, would hear the thing that Susan couldn’t even admit in her own mind. The fact that she had allowed herself to develop feelings when she had sworn she wouldn’t—when she had known how damaging that would be…
She would never get over how foolish she’d been.
I knew what happens when you let yourself fall in love. I swore not to do it. And then, the first time a man charmed me, I abandoned all that. I let myself follow my heart instead of common sense, and that’s how a person gets hurt.
Just like my parents.
Just like Leah.
The one thing I always swore would never happen to me—and now it has, and I truly have no one to blame but myself.
She lost track of time, lying in the bedroom and staring up at the ceiling. The next time a knock came at the door, she noticed to her mild surprise that it was dark outside—many hours had passed since her conversation with Marina.
She sat up, noticing how tired she felt, but not really caring. “Come in,” she called.
The door opened. It was one of Marina’s maids. “Your Grace, the lady of the house sent me to fetch you. It’s time for dinner.”
“Oh.” Susan thought about the prospect of spending the next hour sitting at the dinner table and trying to make conversation. It turned her stomach. “I’m not hungry, thank you. You may let her know.”
“Yes, Your Grace.” The maid withdrew, closing the door.
Susan lay back down on the bed.
More time passed. Once again, she wasn’t fully aware of how long it had been, and the fact that it was dark outside made things that much more disorienting. It might have been fifteen minutes or an hour, but she heard her sister’s voice outside the room. “Susan? May I come in?”
Susan didn’t bother to get up this time. “Come in,” she called back, and the door opened to admit her sister.
Marina was carrying a tray of food, and she set it down on the foot of the bed. “I brought your dinner,” she said softly. “I didn’t want you to be hungry.”
“You didn’t have to do that.” Susan forced herself to sit up now.
“I know I could have had a member of staff bring it,” Marina agreed. “But I was afraid you would send them away again. I worried when you didn’t come to dinner, Sue. Aren’t you hungry?”
“Not very,” Susan murmured. “I think it’s just been such an exhausting day that… I find it hard to imagine eating anything. Maybe I just need to rest first.”
“Sue, you’ve been resting all day.” Marina sat down beside her and touched her cheek. “You don’t have a fever, though…”
