“Well, yes,” Susan said. “I do want you to have your own choice in the matter.”Enough that I’m willing to sacrificemychoice in the matter. “And I do think that Gilbert is… a good man. Better than most. If there was anyone I would have been willing to entrust with my little sister, it would be him.”
Marina beamed. “He is good, isn't he? I love him, Marina. I hope you know that. I can’t wait to be his wife.”
“And I’m happy for you,” Marina said gently. “I just hope that you’ve… thought about it. That you’re not just being carried away by the romance of the idea. I hope you feel sure that this is really and truly what you want.”
“Why wouldn’t it be? If you agree with me that he’s a good man… what’s the worry?”
“Leah,” Susan said softly.
It only took the one word.
Marina and Susan didn’t often talk about Leah—about what had happened to her. It was simply too painful. But Susan knew that her sister thought about Leah just as much as she did. She had spotted Marina sitting at the pianoforte, which had once been Leah’s favorite, and which Marina did not know how to play. Marina would rest her fingers on the keys as if the instrument was speaking to her directly, and Susan recognized the yearning for their eldest sister.
She wished, in those moments, that she could comfort Marina. She wished she could have said something comforting now. But truly, what was there to say? That was the reason they never spoke about Leah, and they both knew it—there were no words to apply to that situation that would make it any easier to bear, and nothing to be said that would help their sister.
Marina’s expression darkened for a moment. “I know,” she said. “But… I’m not Leah. And Gilbert isn’t…”
“I know he isn’t,” Susan said quickly. “I don’t mean to say that he is. I believe he’s a good man. I really do.”
“But you still worry.”
“It isn’t as though I’ve ever seen a marriage have a positive outcome,” she pointed out. “Just look at Mother and Father. I know you were young when Mother left, and maybe that isn’t a very powerful memory for you, but for me… I’ll never forget that last night. I’ll never forget the way I heard her tell Father that marriage wasn’t what she dreamed it would be when she married him. Theirs was not a marriage of convenience or necessity, Marina. Mother was just like you. When she was young, she believed she was in love with Father. She wanted to be his wife every bit as much as you want to be Gilbert’s. And just look at how it ended. I hate to think of you, in twenty years’ time, running away from him because it wasn’t what you dreamed it would be and you can’t bear it anymore.”
“It isn’t going to be like that with Gilbert,” Marina said. “Not all marriages end that way, Susan.”
“You can’t know that,” Susan objected. “I know that some people stay married to one another, but we don’t know what it’s like for them. They might be married, but miserable. You were too young to have clear memories of what it was like when Mother was still here, but you have to take my word for it—it was miserable. Both she and Father were miserable all the time. There was constant fighting. And, you know, Father… he might not be the kindest of men, but he’s hardly the worst. He never struck her. He never did anything to her that might cause anyone outside the family to be alarmed at his behavior. He simply… made her unhappy. He made her unhappy all the time, and I think she did the same to him.”
“But it won’t be that way for me,” Marina protested. “I’ll always try to make Gilbert happy.”
Susan smiled fondly at her sister. “I know you will,” she said. “I know that’s the kind of person you are. I just hope he does the same thing for you, Marina, because you deserve to be treated well. So I have to ask you one last time—are you certain you want to be married to him? Because if you don’t want to go through with this, or if you aren’t completely sure about it, I will help you find a way out.”
Marina rose to her feet, crossed to the settee where Susan was seated, and took a seat right beside her. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around her sister.
“I know how much you worry,” she murmured. “I know you only ever want to take care of me, Sue. I hope you know how grateful I am for that. Your love is everything in the world to me. You’re the best sister anyone could ever ask for, and I know that if I asked you to, you would run away with me tomorrow to save me from a marriage I didn’t want.”
“I would,” Susan whispered.
“But you don’t need to,” Marina said firmly. “I’m very happy, Sue. I’m very happy with Gilbert. I love him, and what’s more, Itrusthim. I know that he’s going to do everything he can to make my life beautiful.”
Susan didn’t quite know what to say. Her sister’s confidence in the man she was to marry was a beautiful thing—if it was reliable. She wanted to believe that Gilbert deserved Marina’s trust. But could anyone ever really trust another person?
Norman had pledged that her life would be good once the two of them had married. But how could she believe him? The entire foundation of their time together so far had been lies. She knew what a good liar he was—knew it all too well. She had seen him lie firsthand, up close.
He could still be lying. Maybe he just wants to get me down the aisle, and then he means to inflict an awful life upon me.
Or, even if he’s telling the truth, maybe things between us will turn sour, just as they did with Mother and Father.
She would hope and pray that her sister’s marriage would be a good one. That was what really mattered to her. But she wouldn’t save any prayers for herself.
In the end, she was sure, it all came down to good fortune—and Susan did not expect to have any of that.
CHAPTER 17
“You don’t have to go through with it, you know,” Aunt Tabitha said.
Norman looked over at her. She was dressed for the occasion, in one of her finest gowns, and she was watching him shrewdly. He looked over at the church, where he knew Susan awaited him.
“What do you mean?” he asked, looking back at her. “Today is my wedding day. Do you suggest I leave the poor lady at the altar?”
