“It’s an act, Marina,” Susan said wearily. “We’ve been putting on a show this whole time, trying to convince everyone around us that there was something real between the two of us. I always meant to tell you eventually, of course, but I couldn’t do it until I was sure the plan had worked.”
“Susan…”
“And now the plan will never work,” Susan pressed on. “Now I’ll never be able to walk away from him, because if I do so, Father will make an arrangement for me to marry someone else. He’ll be so desperate to take control of things that he’ll send me off to the first person who will have me. I might not have chosen the Duke for myself—I’m certainly not in love with him, as you’re so determined to thing—but he’s not an unpleasant person, and I can imagine myself as his Duchess. I can live that life, if I must.”
“Oh, Susan…” Marina bit her lip. “I can’t ask you to do it. I didn’t realize there was another way, that you never intended to go through with it. How I wish you had told me! When I think of the fact that you’ll be stuck in a marriage you never wanted… I had myself convinced that everything was going to be all right because youdidlove him after all. But if you don’t, I can’t possibly have you marry him for my sake. We’ll find another way!”
“You know we won’t.” Susan sat down beside Marina on the bed, the last of her anger finally dissipating. “You know Father is firm in his belief that I should marry before you. This scandal is only a part of what’s happening, really. He would have been hard pressed to go through with letting you commit to an engagement before I had said my vows. I’m sure there’s a part of him that’s relieved to know that everything will be simple and just the way he likes it once more.”
“I’m so sorry,” Marina whispered. “I would never have done this if I had known.”
Susan shook her head. “Don’t say that,” she said, tension knotting in her heart once more. “I don’t want to be angry with you, Marina, and I do intend to go through with this marriage for your sake—but you did know. You knew that it was wrong to go off alone with Gilbert, and you did it anyway. You weren’t being careful. That’s what it is. You weren’t using caution and good judgment, and that’s why I’m in this predicament. I’ll get over it. I’ll make the best of the situation. But don’t sit there and tell me you didn’t know you were doing something wrong, because you did.”
Marina’s eyes filled with tears.
Susan felt sick. All she had ever wanted was to be a good elder sister, a comfort to Marina and a shield between her and the rest of the world. And now, Marina was suffering because Susan had been hard on her.
She put a hand on Marina’s shoulder. “It’s going to be all right,” she assured her sister. “I won’t stay angry. But right now, I think I just need some time on my own. All right?”
Marina nodded and dabbed at her eyes with the edge of her sleeve. “I really am sorry,” she said. “I didn’t think my going out there would have such an impact on you, Susan.”
That was just the problem. Marina hadn’t thought.
Susan got to her feet and went to the door. She held it open, and Marina understood that she was being dismissed. Sniffling slightly, she got up and went out into the hall.
Susan closed the door behind her. It made her feel cold and heartless to do it, but for one night, she needed to focus on her own emotions. She would turn her attention back to what her sister needed soon enough, but not today.
She should be grateful—and I think she is—that I’m still willing to marry at all,Susan thought.If I refused to marry Norman, I don’t know where she would be. I don’t know if Father would ever be willing to allow her to marry Gilbert. He would want her taken care of, but he’s so stubborn about his tradition of the elder daughter marrying first that he would keep his focus on me. And if I continued to refuse to marry…
She sighed and lay back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.
No matter how angry she was at her sister, she couldn’t possibly leave Marina to face her father’s whims like that. If there was something Susan could do to help, she would do it.
But she was beginning to realize how much she had always been taken for granted. For all the times Marina had insisted she didn’t want to see Susan forced to marry—had she ever really cared about that? Or was it just that she hadn’t wanted to face the guilt of feeling responsible for it?
One way or another, the responsibility was hers. She would have to accept the new life that lay ahead of her.
She thought of Norman—of the fun the two of them had had in trying to convince everyone that they were madly in love. Of allthe times she had thought to herself that she would genuinely miss him when their time together came to an end.
But then she thought of the dance they had shared at the ball. Of the way he had spoken to her as though she was no different from the image any gentleman might have in his mind of what a lady was—just someone who wanted to marry as soon as possible.
In spite of all the genuine moments she thought she’d had with him and all the truths she had told, Norman still had no idea who she really was.
So how could their marriage possibly amount to anything good?
CHAPTER 13
“What do you mean, you’re not getting married?” Reeves Langford, Duke of Greystone, asked. “You are getting married. Everyone knows it. It’s the talk of London society. Are you trying to play some kind of trick on me now, Heathmare?”
“No, it’s no trick,” Norman sighed. “And I do wish you wouldn’t call me by that name, Reeves.”
“It’s who you are,” Reeves pointed out. “You’ve got to get used to it.”
“I know I do, but not from you,” Norman said. “You and I were friends—real friends, in a way that never had anything to do with titles. I always valued the fact that you didn’t need me to have a title in order to consider me a friend. So when you refer to me that way, it truly does make me feel as though something was lost.”
Reeves laughed. “Norman, you are the only man I know who could inherit a dukedom and come away feeling as though you had lost something.”
“But I have lost something,” Norman countered. “My freedom. The ability to live my life the way I want to. There are so many expectations on me now. This marriage is just one of many.”
