“Of course not,” she said hastily. “I’llneverchange my mind.”
His eyes went wide, and she realized that had sounded harsher than she had meant it to. “It isn’t about you,” she said quickly. “It’s what I told you before. I don’t wish to marry at all, and it’s not something I’ll ever do.”
He pressed his lips together. “You really mean it.”
“Of course I mean it. You didn’t think I meant that?”
Norman slowed his pace slightly, as if he had lost interest in the dance and was now just going through the motions. “I suppose I knew youthoughtyou meant it,” he said. “But I also thought… how could any woman truly not wish to marry? I suppose a part of me believed that you were only saying it out of a wish to protect your self-confidence.”
“And that’s why you told my father that you thought I would make a good wife,” she realized. “You thought, deep down, that I would choose to marry someday in the future.”
“I still think you will,” he admitted. “You may not realize it yet, but you’re young.”
“I’m notthatyoung,” she glowered, drawing back from him. “You know, when I first met you, I was pleased to see that you weren’t as old as I feared you would be. I thought my father might have arranged for me to marry someone much older than myself, because all he really cared about was making a match for me. You’re older than me, yes, but not so much so that I was shocked by it. But now I see that I should have been, because you’re incapable of showing me the respect I’m due.”
“I’m not being disrespectful,” Norman countered. “But surely you can admit that a person gets to know themselves better as they get older.”
“Yes, but in this way I know myself very well. I will not marry. I will never want to marry, and I never will. The only reason I even considered it was to get myself out of my sister’s way, and now that that matter has been resolved, there’s no reason for me to put my neck in that noose.”
“Well, that’s very dramatic,” Norman scoffed.
“Marriage is a dramatic thing,” Susan said firmly. “There’s no reason a person should enter into it lightly.”
“But for a young lady, it’s more dramatic by far to refuse marriage,” Norman said. “For a gentleman, it might make sense to choose solitude, but for a lady…” He shook his head. “This is the reason I couldn’t quite manage to believe what you were telling me, you know. How can anybody choose the life of a spinster? It has to be that you don’t wish to marry me, orperhaps that you don’t wish to marry at this time in your life. I wish you would be honest about your true feelings.”
Susan pulled away from him. “I thought you understood me,” she said sharply. “I was truly beginning to like you, Norman, even though I’m in agreement with your assessment of our compatibility. I thought you had respect for me. But now I can see that you’re just like everyone else. You look at a young lady, and all you can see is someone who ought to marry as quickly as possible.” She shook her head. “I really thought I was going to like you.”
Norman scowled. “You can’t speak to me that way in public,” he said firmly. “You understand, don’t you, that we’re putting on the appearances we are for my benefit as well as yours? I’m not just doing this out of a desire to help you out. I need our arrangement to reflect well on me.”
But Susan didn’t feel capable of keeping up the act at the moment. “I think I should take a break from dancing,” she said. “I’m going to go find my sister and have a drink of water. I’m a bit tired.”
She turned and hurried away from Norman before he could say anything else.
Why had it disturbed her so much to find that he had misunderstood her? What difference could that possibly make to her life? She didn’t know. After all, it wasn’t as if the two of them meant to have an ongoing relationship. And yet, she felt almost betrayed by him. She had thought they were in this together,and now she was being forced to accept that he had never truly known who she was.
She scanned the assembled partygoers, looking for her sister. If only she could confide openly in Marina about all this! She longed for the days when she had been able to tell her sister everything.
She saw Gilbert before she saw Marina, his short stature standing out amongst the taller gentlemen of theton. She started toward him. Surely he would know where Marina was?—
But he was walking away from her, out the doors that led to a patio. She frowned. What was going on?
Hurrying forward, she made to follow him out onto the patio. He would be able to tell her where Marina had gone, surely? Susan felt a twinge of guilt for having left her sister alone. She should have made sure that Marina had someone with her…
She froze.
Marina was already out on the patio. By the looks of things, she’d been standing out there and waiting for Gilbert. When she saw him, her face lit up, and she hurried forward and embraced him.
Their hands joined.
Susan’s heart pounded. What had she walked in on? It looked as if something inappropriate might be happening—what was hersister doing out here without a chaperone, alone with a man? Even if the man in question was courting her, this shouldn’t be happening.
Behind her, she heard a gasp. “Isn’t that Lady Marina?”
Her heart plummeted. She didn’t turn to see who had spoken. She hurried forward, joining her sister and Gilbert on the patio.
Marina’s eyes widened at the sight of her, which was all Susan needed to convince her that she had been right—Marina was doing something wrong, and she knew it.
“Susan!” she stammered.
