“Oh, Iamproud.” He met her eyes and smiled. “But I would rather have them here.”
She nodded in understanding, fingers twitching with the urge to touch him. “What of your mother?”
He shrugged with seeming nonchalance, though she was sure it was nothing but a front. “She died soon after of a broken heart.”
Her hand went to her bosom. She felt his pain as if it were her own. However long ago it had happened, one never forgot the death of one’s mother.
“And then your sister was killed by English soldiers,” she said bleakly.
He gave her a sharp look. “Aye.”
“The old healer told me. I hope you do not mind.” She frowned at him in concern.
He looked away from her. “It is too late to mind.” He sighed, his shoulders dropping. “But I daenae wish to speak of it with ye anymore.”
Lilliana hunched in on herself, turning away slightly. “I understand. I suppose it is none of my business.”
He cut her a sidelong glance. “Nay, it isnae, but ye do have the right to ask.”
She nodded slowly, pursing her lips. She could not help feeling hurt by his rebuff, even though she could understand it. She could feel his eyes on her and braced herself for more hostility. To her surprise, it did not come. He merely sighed, shook his head, and rose to his feet.
He bowed low. “I will bid ye goodnight, Me Lady.”
She nodded. “Good night, then.”
She watched wistfully as he left the room. They always seemed to make some progress and then erase it at the same time. It was disorienting and confusing. It took everything in her not to get up, march into his chambers, and look him in the eye.
If only I knew what I would say or do if I did so
Lilliana woke up early the next day, not sparing a glance at the connecting door before going down to the breakfast hall.
“I understood that perhaps he feels a certain amount of hostility towards the British Army for their treatment of Sorcha, but that has nothing to do with me,” she murmured softly as she passed the portraits hanging on the corridor wall.
Oh dear, now I have sunk to a new low—talking to myself.This man is driving me mad.
She had lain awake long into the night, thinking about it. It still hurt, but there was nothing she could do about it. She had decided that she would fulfill her duties as the Laird’s wife as best as she could.
What is the alternative?
There were still a few people breaking their fast when she stepped into the hall, and some of them nodded to her in greeting. One or two of the women curtsied as they passed her on their way out.
She nodded and smiled at them, feeling like an imposter. “Good morning,” she murmured as she walked past.
A few people returned her greeting, although it felt awkward. These people viewed her as Kayden’s wife, as was the respectful thing to do, but she was not really that at all. She was a symbol of the English Crown. A reminder of the damage the redcoats had done to this clan.
She knew how servants talked, and the maids who came in every morning to tidy their chambers and replenish the fire and water must have noticed that both beds were occupied.
Betsy had been very circumspect in not asking questions, which Lilliana appreciated, but there had been no reason to change her sheets due to stains, and she knew that the maids, at least, were aware of that.
She knew she was supposed to bleed once the marriage was… consummated. Betsy had dropped that nugget when she told Lilliana about the Lord Delamere scandal that had spread from servant quarter to servant quarter. His new bride did not bleed, and it was causing quite the kerfuffle between the Delameres and the bride’s family. The word ‘disgraced’ had been used.
It had filled Lilliana with worry, as she was not sure from where exactly she was supposed to bleed. She did know that it was after they shared a bed and had to conclude that the bleeding would have something to do with that.
She had asked if it had to do with her courses, but Betsy had just laughed and shaken her head.
Am I causing a scandal right now, I wonder?
She sank into her chair dispiritedly, shoulders hunched. It was not just that her marriage was one of convenience. It was that by forbidding her to assist where she could, Kayden had essentially rendered her useless. She felt superfluous to requirements at every turn.
