A shadow passed over his face. “Sacrificial lamb?”
“Yes,” she said dryly. “I clearly sacrificed myself by becoming a duchess. Such a horrible fate.”
She meant it as a jest, but he looked away. “Indeed, it would be a sacrifice to marry me,” he said, his voice cold.
Marina’s eyes widened. “I meant it as a jest. I admit it was a bad one.” She put her hand on his arm. “Truly. I did not sacrifice anything. I was ruined, remember? You saved me.”
“You never would have accepted my proposal if you had a choice, though.” His voice was not angry or accusing. He just sounded sorrowful.
“You never would have proposed to me if I were not ruined,” she retorted. “You chose me because you did not have to court me. Remember?”
“Yes, marrying you certainly had benefits for me?—”
“Yes, you killed two birds with one stone. I remember.”
“But,” he continued, clearly irritated by her interruption. “You benefited more. If I had not married you, then your parents would have been sent to America.”
“Yes, I just said that.” Irritation grew in her as well. “I thought I made it clear that you saved me from an American finishing school, and I’m grateful for that. I was only jesting when I said I was a sacrifice.”
“But I was certainly not your first choice. Was I?” He said it softly, and her heart ached at the sound of his sorrow.
For a moment, the sound of raindrops outside was all they heard. Then she spoke. “I had not given a lot of thought to mychoice of husband. Even after a few Seasons, I had yet to meet a man that sparked my interest, and I certainly never interested any of the gentlemen that I met.”
“Except me.”
She offered a tentative smile. “I am sure I made quite an impression on you, just like everyone else at that party. But I am sure I was hardly your first choice. If you did not need a mother for Lilly, then you never would have married again.”
She half expected him to pull away from her and command the driver to turn the carriage around, but he didn’t. Instead, he stared off into space for a moment before speaking. “I suppose you are right,” he said finally. “But I got lucky when I married you. I could not have found a better duchess if I searched all of London.” He looked at her, his expression wary. “I know I am not the perfect husband, and I am sure you expected your married life to look much different. But I hope you do not feel like you sacrificed a lot when you married me.”
She relaxed. “I am happy I married you. I also feel like I was lucky.”
He smiled softly, but there were still traces of sadness in it. She hoped she could wipe those traces of sadness away with time, but at the moment, she was content he had not pulled away from her completely, despite the disagreement.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Evan tried not to let Marina’s words bother him as the carriage arrived at Sherwood Manor. She had not meant them cruelly, after all. But they stung all the same.
Sacrificial lamb.
The thought left a bad taste in his mouth.Of course, she thought it was a sacrifice to marry me. She loves so fiercely—to the point of jumping into a river to save a little dog. Of course, she felt like she was sacrificing something by marrying someone called the Heartless Duke.
He might have originally married Marina to skip the courting process. But he knew, even if he carefully courted every eligible lady in England, he would have chosen Marina all over again. But wouldshehave chosenhimif she had the choice? She might not be as much of a romantic as her older sister, but did she regret that she never got to marry for love?
Lilly’s mother had once told him that his only saving grace as a husband was his title and his wealth. He doubted Marina thought so harshly of him. But that didn’t mean she loved him the way he …
He deliberately shoved those thoughts aside and focused on the ballroom as they were announced. He did not know if he …lovedher. Cared for her, yes. He found he wanted to spend every waking moment being close to her. He wanted to make her smile and laugh, and he wanted to show her how much he respected her. But he did not know if that meant he was in love. So, it was best not to let such thoughts run away from him.
Unease rippled through him as he led Marina into the ballroom. He never liked these events, and he liked them even less after he became one of the prime targets of gossip after his first wife’s death. But there were many benefits of accepting the occasional invitation. He could strengthen connections with potential business partners and political allies. He would also model non-reclusive behavior for Lilly, and strengthen connections to make her first Season easier—although that was a long way off.
But if he were being honest with himself, the reason why he accepted the invitation was that he wanted an excuse to dance with his wife.
He turned to her, about to ask her to dance as the quartet prepared to play a slow waltz. But before he got the word out, Lord Sherwood appeared.
“Your Grace,” he said, bowing to both of them. “I am honored that you were able to make it tonight.”
Marina curtsied. “The honor is ours, Lord Sherwood. You have outdone yourself.” She gestured to the ballroom, filled with light from glittering chandeliers.”
The man smiled pleasantly at her, focusing all of his attention on the duchess. “I admit I approached you with stronger intentions than just welcoming you to the ball. I was hoping you would do me the honor of a dance.”
