“Oliver,” I said, quite possibly falling for him even more.
He held up a hand, slightly shaking his head. “I have zero regrets about it. My sister wanted to head to this university that was expensive, and I’d do anything for her. I’m happy I could help.”
“Is that…” I swallowed my question, careful not to blur the line that we crossed already. I cleared my throat and added some foam to my own espresso, already coming up with a plan for rules. We couldn’t talk about work together. And we couldn’t be together at work.
“Hey, ask what you were going to.”
A gentle hand landed on my shoulder, kneading me through the robe. He spun me around, a soft, curious expression meeting me.
“Sloane, you can ask me anything. I need you asking me questions so you don’t connect dots that aren’t there.” He sipped his drink again, his eyes widening. “Damn, this is good.”
“Yeah, I have an affliction for certain types of beans. You’ll learn soon enough.”
“Honestly can’t wait to learn every fucking thing about you,” he whispered, and my heart tripped in my chest.
I didn’t mean my comment that way. I meant he’d learn about what coffee beans were the best—not…damn it. This man. I ducked my head, fighting a smile as I led us to the couch. I set my cup down and took the towel off my head, letting my hair air-dry. Oliver watched me with the same transfixed smile, like he thought everything I did was amazing. Eventually, that would stop. It had to. I wasn’t that interesting.
“Okay, rules,” I said, but Oliver frowned. “What?”
“Ask the question you wanted to, please.”
“It was nothing. I think we should talk about rules on how this could work.”
His nostrils flared, and he leaned back on the couch, his expression tighter than before. I hated seeing him upset or annoyed or anything besides his smile, and I clasped my hands together.
“Rule one,” he said, holding my gaze. “We don’t hold back anything out of fear. You want to know something, you ask it.”
“Oliver,” I rasped out. “It was?—”
“To answer your half-question, yes, my motivation to be here and fight through whatever the hell is going on in my body is for my family. My sister has one more year left of school, and sure, she’s pissed as hell at me for playing, but she doesn’t know I’m the reason she gets to go to her dream art school.”
I closed my eyes, letting that sink in. I wasn’t Doctor Mercer here, I couldn’t be. I was Sloane, and I hated pressure of responsibility he wore like armor. “Do you even want to play football professionally?”
“I’m good at it.”
“Yes, you are, but that wasn’t the question.” I spoke softer, gentler. I wanted to curl up next to him and hug him, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t appreciate that. It wasn’t pity but the need to care for him. “Just because you’re good at something, doesn’t mean you need to keep doing it.”
“I like playing. I love the guys, the team. The sense of family you don’t find anywhere else. It’s all I ever prepared for. I like feeling needed on the field.” He shrugged and took a sip of the drink. “I graduated with a degree in business administration, but I figured when my body gave out, I’d make that switch.”
“Why wait until your body gives out? Why not choose that path when you’re feeling okay?”
“That is the question I can’t seem to answer. I don’t know.” His posture went rigid, and the humor lines around his eyeswere gone. “I made it this year, Sloane. I’m starting, and my numbers are fucking good. I’d be a fool to throw that away out of fear.”
“Even though you could take it too far one day?”
He nodded.
I exhaled, leaning farther into the couch and putting a little distance between us. That complicated things a bit. He was willing to push himself to the point his body or heart could give out. “Well, that’s not exactly the most reassuring feeling to have as someone who agreed to give this a try with you.”
“Sloane…please. You said you wanted to talk about rules, and I think we should. One of my first ones is to not talk about my health when we’re together. There is a team of people, including you, that watch and monitor me. If there was a reason to be concerned, we both know Ivy would raise hell.”
My throat tightened. I didn’t like the idea of not talking about his health. Did that mean I couldn’t ask how he was feeling? Or bring him something if he was hot or cold? Our relationship already had to be in secret, and this was another restriction to add. My skin felt hotter as I adjusted my position. If this was his rule, then I’d have to follow it. Even if it really hurt.
“Okay,” I said, not looking at him. I stared at my bare coffee table. I needed a plant there or something so the place didn’t seem so boring. Yeah, focusing on decorating was the mature thing to do because his rule upset me. If I was going to do this, I was going to be honest. I shook my head, my voice coming out stronger. “Actually, no. I’m not going to do this with you if I’m cut off from something that I view as really important.”
His blue eyes widened, his jaw tensing. “You’re not going to do this?”
“You heard me.” I stood, feeling emboldened. “I want this, I want you, but when I mentioned rules, I meant at work. The place where I could get fired. Because make no mistake, Oliver.I’m the one taking the risk here. Not you. If someone were to find out, I’d lose my job, not you. So yeah, I’m not gonna risk it all if you’re going to cut off a huge part of yourself because it makes you uncomfortable.”
