“Did researching the counseling upset you? We can talk it out. I can start the fireplace.” I needed to do something with my hands before I panicked. Things were not going well. “Hot chocolate? Fire and a cozy drink?”
Oh my God, I couldn’t stop talking. This wasn’t me. I didn’t ramble, yet here I was, my wife refusing to look at me while I tried not to lose my mind. “Yeah, I’ll make us drinks while you continue to not look at me.”
Shit.
She snapped her head in my direction, her eyes flashing with warning, but the irritation melted away as sympathy flooded her eyes.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” said Laney.
I blinked. That was… “Hmm?”
There was a table between us, but in moments like this, where we weren’t calibrated, it felt like a whole town. Without her as my tether, I felt lost, and I never wanted to feel like this.
“I can see you’re nervous and that I caused it. I’m sorry for that.”
She closed the distance between us, stopping when the tips of her shoes hit mine. I wanted to grab her hip, touch her, kiss her, but I kept my arms at my sides and let her set the pace.
“I appreciate you looking into therapists for us, but a part of me is resentful because I tried doing that before and you blew me off. I know we’re in a different spot now, but those feelings are still there.”
The aggressive ball of emotion returned to the back of my throat, making it hard to swallow. “Valid.”
“A part of me wants to fight you,” she whispered, her frown lines returning. “But that’s not helpful nor really true. I think… it threw me off, and before I could figure out my thoughts on it, I spiraled.”
“Are you… do you want to talk it all out? I’d like to sit with you and clarify things.” My urge to argue with her dulled, and the need to figure out the root of the issue overtook my senses. She was upset. I had caused it. I needed to figure out what to do moving forward.
“How about this? I’ll make us drinks, and I can show you a surprise.”
“A surprise?” She arched a brow. “Do tell.”
I winked, squeezing her wrist four times instead of three.
“You’ll like it. Trust me.”
“You know I don’t need big gifts, Connor.” She followed me into the kitchen instead of waiting on the couch. Like I knew she would.
“It’s not a big gift, Laney.” I mocked her tone and pointed to a high-top stool. “Sit there and be patient.”
“That’s so hard though.” She groaned as I went toward the pantry where I had hidden all the materials.
Everything was in a bag, and I concealed them behind my back as I returned.
“This only cost twenty dollars, and I think you’ll appreciate it.”
Her eyes lit up, her radiant smile knocking me off-balance. My wife loved hot chocolate buffets, with every topping possible. It was one of her weaknesses, and I watched her as I set ten different materials all on the counter, ending with whipped cream.
“Oh!” Her grin grew as she clapped. “You bought a hot chocolate bar?”
“For you.” I opened up two packets and poured milk into a pan, keeping an eye on her and her smile. She immediately reached for the sprinkles and cherries.
“I know you love them.”
“Thank you. This is…” She trailed off, her voice watery. “I love it. I love you.”
“I love you too.” I held her gaze, hoping like hell she’d understand that my entire body and soul was put into those words. “Let me make you one. Then we can talk.”
“Deal.”
We ranked our favorite candies top to bottom, argued over if sprinkles added anything at all. Laney was in the firm camp that sprinkles were everything. I was the opposite. After a few minutes, I placed the steaming milk with hot cocoa in front of her, then leaned onto my arms, watching as she put all the toppings on it with an ecstatic smile.
