Sophia said she wouldn’t judge me, but my stomach twisted in indecision. I could tell Connor now. I could picture his smile and the way his eyes would light up. He’d go wild buying stuff for the baby.
Yet, we had thirteen days until New Year’s. Thirteen days until we discussed if we were going to stay together. A voice inside my head screamedof course we are, but now that I was having a baby, two things became clearer in my mind.
I wanted to raise my kid here, surrounded by family, not in the city. And second, I needed to see how things shook out with Connor’s job. Although Connor and I had made progress talking through our issues, I was hit with memories of me being alone and not able to reach him.
The time I went to the ER without him. The unanswered calls for hours at a time.
My throat closed as my grip tightened on Sophia.
“You okay?” She stilled as we turned onto my childhood street. “You need to rest?”
“No.” I exhaled, daring to say my decision and hope my friend wouldn’t shame me. I needed to have Connor choose me at the end of the month. Not his job, not the baby. Me.
“I don’t… I want to wait to tell Connor.”
Sophia nodded, her expression open. “Okay, until when?”
“After New Year’s.” I swallowed as my eyes filled with tears. “I need him to choose me, Soph. I need to see him choose our marriage before he knows about our kid. He hasn’t chosen me for years, and sure, a couple weeks have been amazing, but what if it’s not long term? You remember those nights I couldn’t even reach him. I’m not keeping our baby from him—I would never do that—but not telling him for two weeks isn’t… I’m not horrible, right?”
Soph smiled. “You’re not horrible. Not at all.” She pursed her lips, her face twisting in thought. “You could spin it, so it doesn’t sound like you’re intentionally hiding this from him.”
“What do you mean?”
“I understand your reasons, and I agree with them.” Her eyes flashed for a second. “I love seeing you and Connor happy, but I remember how much he hurt you. Yeah, okay, I think you wait and see what happens on January 1. Then, whatever you decide… you share it with him for the New Year.”
I swallowed the ball in my throat. “It could be a surprise.”
She grinned. “Yeah, you could get a little onesie that has something cute on it.”
“I love you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I hugged my best friend and hoped she could feel the love pouring out of me.
“Thank you for visiting, for being there for me, everything.”
She hugged me back and said, “Sounds like, if you’re having a girl, Sophia might be the middle name.”
It was the tension relief I needed. I snort-laughed and pulled away. I’d tell Connor on New Year’s, and figure out what this new version of our relationship looked like.
I decided to bring dinner to Connor at the guesthouse tonight. I carried a take-out bag with chicken pot pie from the diner and two milkshakes. Maybe it was guilt about keeping something from him, or maybe I just missed him. I spent all day with Soph before she went back home, and I hadn’t seen my husband at all. After all the time we’d been spending together, I wanted to be around him more.
Connor hadn’t texted all day, and it had the rumblings of before, where he’d disappear into his work for days, or weeks, or months at a time. I knocked as my stomach swirled. Things were good between us. I had no reason to doubt that, right?
He opened the door, a phone pressed to his ear as his brain caught up to seeing me. At first, he frowned, but then a slow smile formed, and he bent down to kiss me while remaining on the phone.
“Ryan, I understand your concern. I plan to address that on Wednesday.”
His tone was clipped, annoyed.
Connor ushered me inside, then locked the door and took the bag from my hands. His hair was messy, like he had run his fingers through it over and over. His shoulders were tense too.
“Ryan, yes—but—can I—” He shook his head and fisted his hand. “Forgive me, but it’s Friday night, my wife is here, and I’ll see you next week. Email me or Petra if you have any additional concerns.”
Then Connor hung up and tossed his phone onto the counter. He closed the distance between us and kissed me.
“I’ve needed this,” he whispered, cupping the back of myhead softly with one hand, the other running along my neck and collarbone. “You taste so good. Did you and Soph have a good day?”
My eyes prickled, but I hid it by kissing him back. He groaned into my mouth, his tongue sliding against mine in a familiar yet intoxicating way. He must’ve chewed gum at one point because the minty flavor stung my tongue, and he wasted no time deepening the kiss.
I swore I floated off the table, letting out a deep moan. All too soon, he pulled back and grinned, looking mighty smug.
