“Nah. I know you. You weren’t ready.” He smiled, utter joy radiating off him. “I knew I’d have one shot with you, but it had to be timed perfectly. I knew you loved me as a friend, and I also knew you couldn’t ever handle losing me as a staple in your life. I just had to prove to you somehow that it was worth us being more.”
“I don’t know how I got so lucky. I feel like I don’t deserve you?—”
“None of that.” He scooted closer, his voice firming. “Why would we not deserve each other? You’re the most selfless person I know. You are a sassy, pain in the ass ray of sarcastic sunshine, and I fucking love you. You’re wild and free and yourself all the time. Your confidence is sexy as hell, and your smarts are even hotter. There is no one, and I mean this, that I trust more. If I had to hide a body, I’d call you first. Plan an entireevent in secrecy during a blizzard? You. Ideas for gifts, help with homework, if I was sad, upset, mad, frustrated. The answer is always you. Now and forever, it’s always gonna be you.”
I never realized how much I needed to hear those words. They were a security blanket. They were hope. They wereeverything.
And just like that, every wall, every defense shattered.
30
PRESTON
Iwas so fucking proud of my girl.
She walked out of the brick building, her head held high as she scanned the area, clearly looking for me. I jumped from my car, heading toward her until she saw me. Her face lit up when she saw me, and like every single time before, my heart skipped a beat. We were doing this. We were together.
Three weeks after our confessions to each other and everything had been easy. Her defenses had held us back from being like this, and once those came down, it had been as easy as breathing. Sure, she was a pain in the ass, pushed my buttons, and was way too sassy, but she was mine, and she was perfect.
“I’m proud of you,” I said, opening my arms and pulling her into a hug. It was her third therapy appointment, and each one gutted her, yet she wanted to keep going. I kissed the top of her head, inhaling her citrus perfume and shampoo. She also loved wearing her hair down more once I told her how sexy it was. She did it to tease me, so I let myself enjoy the feel of her silky hair, dragging my fingers through it as we embraced. “How can I reward you today?”
“That is honestly the sexiest question you could ask me.”She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me, her cheeks pink and her eyes a little red. “I’m debating between a striptease right here versus a dance-off in the library when Logan is working. Or, maybe we play video games and see who can get the other to lose first.”
Oh yeah. We still played video games, and of course we still shit talked, but we took it to a new level. We’d strip and tease and touch until someone said fuck it and lost the game. I couldn’t imagine a better situation.
“Or I could treat you to coffee like a normal person.” I laughed, taking her hand and leading her to the front seat of my truck.
“Uh, if you wantednormal,then you shouldn’t have fallen in love with me, my dude.” She hopped into the front seat, and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning over and cupping her face.
She stared up at me with those wide, expressive eyes, her lips curved on the side like she was about to quip something back at me. I knew every expression she had, and I loved the new ones, where she looked at me with the same awe and tenderness I always had for her. I bent down and kissed her, slowly, taking my time because I could. She tasted a little like salt, like she’d cried, and mint, and I slid my tongue in her mouth, wishing I could suck any sadness from her body.
I couldn’t do that, I knew. She was on her own journey of healing, and all I could do was be there for her. Which, I always would be. “I love you, J,” I whispered between kissing her. “You’re fucking amazing.”
She shuddered, and my grin grew. “It’s a good thing you’re sitting, or you might pass out on me.”
“Shut up. My knees go weak one time and you let it go to your head.” She rolled her eyes, but there was no real depth to her words.
“Twice, but who’s counting?” I winked and shut her door,quickly going to my side and sliding in. She rubbed her hands together and blew into them, so I adjusted the heat. “Where to, baby?”
“I don’t know, I’m feeling a little… wild right now.” She stared at the window, her fingers twisting in her lap. “The session was good. We got to some deep shit.”
Sometimes she shared what she talked about, sometimes she didn’t. I didn’t push her because it was her journey, even though I wanted to know. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I think I’m finally starting to understand why I did the shit I do. It’s not an amazing place to learn your brain makes you act like an ass as a way to protect yourself.”
I reached over and squeezed her knee, noting how she leaned into my touch, like she needed it. She took a few breaths. I stayed quiet, giving her space to figure out what she wanted to say. She was trying. I could see it in the way her shoulders curled in like she was trying to make herself smaller, in the way she kept tapping her fingers against her knee like she was measuring out the weight of her words before dropping them.
She let out a shaky breath. “It’s… a lot. Good, but a lot. It’s not just about what happened with us. It’s about everything. My past, my patterns, the way I let fear run my life.” She glanced at me before looking away again. “I’m starting to realize I’ve spent most of my life reacting to things that aren’t even happening yet. My therapist says I live in a state of preparing for worst-case scenarios, like I can control them before they happen. But all I end up doing is pushing people away or making myself small so I don’t get hurt.”
I clenched my fists, swallowing down the immediate urge to tell her that none of that was her fault. That she was enough, that she had always been enough, but this wasn’t about me talking. This was about her getting it out, and I had to let her.
She continued, voice softer now. “We’re working on it,though. I’m working on it. It’s not about fixing myself because I’m not broken—but I need to stop living like I have toearnlove. Like if I do everything perfectly, people won’t leave.”
I nodded, my chest tightening. “You don’t have to earn anything, J. Not with me. Not with Logan. Not with anyone who really loves you.”
She exhaled, like she was still trying to believe that. “I know. Or—I’m trying to know that. That’s the part I have to work on. Believing it. Trusting it. Not just with you but with myself too. We also talked about the relationship with my mom and the professor, and I’m making the choice to let it go. I did my best, and even if she gave me a B, I know the event was fantastic and will help me in the future. I don’t need my mom’s or professor’s validation. I’m proud of my fucking self.”
Silence stretched between us, thick but not suffocating. It was the kind of silence that held weight, that wasn’t empty space but something fuller, something real.
