“Because you speak for her? Is this how you’re going to raise your daughter, that her voice and opinion don’t matter because some man makes the decision for her? Charlotte just went through it with the coaching job, and you’re doing it to her too.”
“That’s not true.” I narrowed my eyes, her accusation pissing me off.
“How is it different?” She narrowed her gaze, fire behind her familiar eyes. “Did that athletic director not tell her he thought she didn’t want the job enough? He spoke for her. And now you. You think this is better without consulting her.”
“What can I offer her? An endless saga of Simone coming in and out of our lives without reason? Cancelled date nights because my daughter will always come first?”
“You’re assuming a lot of things, Hayden, and I just… don’t know what your dad and I did wrong for you to view yourself this poorly.” She stepped back, placing a hand onher heart. She played the guilt card well. “You’re worth every risk. Every potential heartbreak. Every possibility. Charlotte knows this. She always has. She built you up, even when you were teenagers. You deserve to find love and have a partner who makes you better.”
“So what am I supposed to do then? I broke her heart. I heard her sob, Mom. It’s too late. I ruined it.” I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, pushing until white spots danced behind them. An ember of hope blossomed. What if…no. “I made up my mind, Mom. I’m sticking with it. Charlotte won’t take me back.”
“Oh, there you go again, speaking for someone else.” She scoffed. “My job as your mom is to be there for you in any capacity, and I always will, whether I am there or in Arizona. I am your biggest supporter for the rest of my life, and I don’t take this responsibility lightly. That means calling you out when you’re being a total idiot. Right now? You’re being an idiot, and I didn’t raise a fool. Figure your stuff out and fix this, because I cannot take any more mopey Hayden. I’m sick of him.”
I snorted. “Feels like you’ve been waiting for this speech for a little bit.”
“I practiced with your dad last night.”
“You did great. Very effective. Eight out of ten for sure.” I stared up at the ceiling, the flickering fluorescent lights and faint smell of cleaner grounding me. Never thought I’d have an epiphany in a jungle gym FaceTiming my mom and surrounded by ten other toddlers.
Or get handed my ass by my mom.
“I love you. You’re a good man. I wish you viewed yourself how others do, but that’s an issue only you can fix.” She sighed before smiling at me. “Now you have a chance at the rehearsal dinner tonight. Use it.”
Tension worked its way around my neck, the ever-present ache throbbing. “Christian—”
“Wants you happy. Wants Charlotte happy. Stop finding excuses.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CHARLOTTE
My brother was getting married, and I was sneaking swigs of vodka in the closet of the rehearsal dinner restaurant. We were not the same. Did I enjoy being like this? No. Was I proud? Absolutely not.
Yet I couldn’t stop the sting in my eyes or the pit in my stomach. Both annoyed me. If only I could box my feelings up and store them on a shelf, deep in the back, where I could ignore them. I wished I could ignore the hit-by-a-truck feeling or the kinda-wanna-cry-at-everything urge that I’d been plagued with since Tuesday.
I sure as heck didn’t plan on ending the fall semester with a professional broken heart and a real one. I glanced up at the ceiling, blinking away the onslaught of tears threatening to fall.
No. Today was about joy, damn it. I was joyful!
The rehearsal dinner was set to start in thirty minutes, and I’d have to see Hayden.
It’d been five days since he wanted totake a step back. Who even said that?
The pain refused to leave, taking root and growing larger by the hour. After having numerous happy hours with my friends, it wasn’t clear why this hurt so much. Obviously, I loved him. I had for years, so this wasn’t exactly new. But now that I had felt what it could’ve been between us, it gave me a snapshot of the life I wanted, and then he yanked it away out of fear.
Fear was the only explanation. He’d stared at me like I was his world and touched me like he loved me. But love wasn’t enough. I’ve seen enough movies and read enough books to know being in love or caring about someone wasn’t sufficient to have a happy ever after. The hardest part of heartbreak is the potential.
My horribly messy feelings were like pasta, all intertwined and stuck together where one end joined with a beginning. Was I heartbroken about the job? Yes.
But Hayden was worse.
What if we made it work and were so happy?
What if Gwen was happy to have me in her life?
What if I made him happy and helped him carry his burdens?
None of it mattered, and shutting down the lingering emotions seemed impossible. Sniffing, I took another drink of the vodka Sprite and smoothed down my dark green dress.
