Hearing myself say it out loud caused my chest to ache. I had to get a better balance of my life. Disappointment wedged itself into my ribs, making each breath hurt a little. “We could see what happens?”
“Hm.”
Hm? What the hell didhmmean?
“I need more than that, Char.” I spun her around to read her facial expressions. She was an open book and often narrated her stream of thoughts. She was uncharacteristically quiet. “Baby, I want to be with you. I want to try.”
“Like, exclusively?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.” I reared my head back. “That’s not even a question.”
She scrunched her nose in a smile. “So we date.”
“Without real dates,” I clarified.
“I happen to enjoy movie nights in, and game nights, or cooking dinner with you.” She exhaled, her shoulder relaxing as she placed a hand on my chest. “Ifreal datesare going out to fancy restaurants or wine tastings or weekends away, sure, they are nice, but I don’t need those. My love language is sharing life together. Grocery shopping dates, watching a movie at home, walks to the park… those sound perfect to me.”
Fuck, she was perfect. I closed my eyes as my mind turned on its axis. How did I stay away from this beautiful, wonderful human all these years? “When you say stuff like that, it makes me think this could really work between us.”
“Why couldn’t it? If we want this, then we make it work.” She tilted her head. “I’m going to use your words against you, Hop. You guided me to focus on all the reasons I would bring value to the coaching position, not all the things I lacked. You need to do the same with us. Think about all the reasons we could work instead of all the reasons it might not.”
She was right. It was my own fear holding me back. I could practically feel the truth wrapped around me, keeping me from admitting it and diving into something I wanted. Could this implode? Sure as shit could. Would it drastically affect my life? Yup. The fear of getting hurt loosened, and the other elephant in the room jumped front and center. Two elephants, actually.
Gwen and Christian.
“Gwen—”
“Nothing changes with her. Even if you crushed my heart into a million pieces, I will always be there for her,” Charlotte said, her bossy teaching voice coming out. “I will follow your lead on what to tell her, but I will not change how I love that little girl. If that is a concern, then you can toss that out the window.”
“But what if—”
“You hurt me three years ago, and I still was a part of her life, right?” She placed both hands on my bare chest now, her nails digging into my skin. “I’m not going to beg for a chance with you, but donotuse your daughter as a reason for us not to try.”
“Your attitude is kinda hot,” I mumbled.
She laughed and moved her hands to cup my face. “You’ve mentioned it a few times. Glad you approve.”
My hands easily found her waist. “Okay, since you’ve left no room to discuss my daughter, there is one more thing we need to discuss.”
“I’m on birth control if you don’t have a condom.”
I choked. “Jesus, Charlotte.”
She laughed, and I fucking loved that sound.
“What? I didn’t know if that was the other big topic that you seem to be intent on discussing.”
“No. I have a fucking condom.” I snorted and rested my forehead against hers. “You’re ridiculous, and I love it. We need to talk about Christian.”
“Mood killer.”
“I know. I’m sorry. But what… how… do we tell him?” I asked, hesitant to speak the entire truth. There wasn’t a normal way to say,Oh hey, can we not tell him because, if it doesn’t work out, I still want my best friend?Did that mean I didn’t think we’d make it? Or that I assumed we’d fail?
“Oof, that is a good question.”
I tensed. She agreed with me? I didn’t like that.
She pulled back and played with one of the strings on my sweatshirt and clicked her tongue. “I agree with you though. We shouldn’t tell him or Penny. With the argument we heard, I don’t want anything getting in the way. If we stole their thunder in any way, I’d feel terrible.”
