Footsteps echoed down the hall, and the sound zapped an iota of common sense into me. “Okay, fine. Come on.”
The lock unclicked, and I shoved the door open. Sitting on the couches near the fire was smart. It was away from the bed that seemed to shout at me to have Hayden sit there.Sure, great idea.
“There. We’re in my room, where we can talk.” I sat on the sofa and crossed one leg over the other in a dramatic fashion. The fireplace was remote-controlled, and I turned it on. Instantly, the mood was more romantic and intimate—not my goal.
I chewed the side of my lip, and my knee bounced up and down with nervous energy. Before, when his mouth was on me, I couldn’t think. Now all the thoughts came back with a vengeance.
What did that kiss mean? Does he like me? What do we do now? Was it a mistake? What if he shuts me out again for three years? What if this makes my crush worse? What if I never get kissed like that again? Will I die alone?
Hayden studied me with a frown. “I wanted to talk, but it’s clear you’re uncomfortable. Do you want me to leave?”
“No. Yes. Wait. Maybe.”
“Yeah, that answer isn’t gonna work for me.” He neared me, bending down onto his knees so his face was level with mine. “What’s going on?”
“I’m scared.” My filter stood no chance.
He reared his head back, like I had hit him. “Iscareyou?”
“No, not in the way you’re thinking.” I gripped his forearm in an attempt to calm the terrified look in his eyes. “You started saying something about how we shouldn’t have kissed and—”
“No.” He shook his head. “You stopped me before I could finish my sentence. We absolutely should’ve kissed. One hundred percent should’ve.”
“Oh.” A flicker of hope grew deep in my gut.
“Yeah, Charlotte.” His eyes heated as he rested his hand on my knee, stilling it. “What I was trying to say is that we shouldn’t have kissed against a door when you were in a car accident this morning.”
My thighs clenched at the reminder. That flicker of hope grew a little more, but unfortunately my overactive mind took control over my libido. “Last time we kissed…” I cleared my throat, my eyes prickling at the onslaught of emotions. I blamed exhaustion.
Hayden sucked in a breath and took my hand in his. “Please, baby, tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Okay.” I gulped. I nodded to myself and rolled my shoulders back.You can do this. You are brave.Plus I refused to kiss Hayden again without getting this out. I was caught up in the moment before, that was all. “I’m worried that you’ll regret us. I know things have probably changed after that kiss, but we never truly talked about what happenedthree years ago. You kissed me back, Hayden, and then told me you’d never be into me and cut me out of your life. I am terrified it’ll happen again.”
Hayden’s face paled, and his grip slid from my hand. He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he looked tortured. “I assure you there was a reason that happened, and I am truly so sorry for how it made you feel. It kills me to know I hurt you.”
I ran a finger over my lips, the sensation of kissing him still evident. They stung a little from his teeth, and while I wanted to do it again, we had to talk this out. “That was one of the most mortifying and worst nights of my life. I confessed I loved you, Hayden. You shoved me away like I was nothing. That’s hard to forget. We just tried to be friends again after three years, and not even a day in, we kiss and mess it all up. I’m conflicted.”
“You weren’t nothing to me. You’ve never been nothing. You don’t think I dream about that night and the sexy red dress you wore? You had your hair down, and the dress dipped low in the front, showing off way too much cleavage for that shitty college bar. You are unforgettable, Charlotte.”
“You remember my outfit.” I swallowed down the ball of emotion. That meant something.
“I told you, Char, I remember everything about you.”
My eyes fluttered, and I swallowed hard.
Hayden continued, his voice softer than normal. “You pulled me into that corner, grabbed my shirt, and my God, your perfume smelled so good. Whenever I smell someonewearing something vanilla, I think of you. I wanted to lick you.”
“I would’ve let you,” I whispered. “But this doesn’t add up. You turned me down. You broke my heart.”
“I know.” He gave me a small smile and caressed my face. His gray eyes swirled with regret and sadness. “You were drunk, Char. I didn’t want to take advantage of you. On top of that, if I had let that kiss continue, it would’ve ruined my entire career. They had just hired me as the assistant baseball coach. Not only that, but I was also the youngest coach on staff, which was its own controversy. The other coaches were at the bar that night. If they saw me kissing a student… I could’ve been fired. There aren’t a lot of rules, but not touching students is one of them.”
“I was of age—”
“I know, Charlotte. I know, trust me. But once my brain caught up to the moment, I freaked out. I had worked my ass off to get that job. My future flashed before my eyes, and I did the only thing that made sense. Please believe me when I say I wanted you.Wantyou. My reaction had nothing to do with how I felt, or you, and everything to do with my career.”
His reasoning made sense. I understood it, but it didn’t take away the sting or the damage of three years ago. “Thank you for sharing that, but the words you said… they gutted me, Hayden.”
His jaw flexed as he stared at me, not saying anything.
