“But it’s the NFL!” Her face reddened, and her voice went an octave higher.
I knew her dream was to break into it, but mine wasn’t. I loved her passion for me and her confidence I could handle it. Everyone thought they could, but that shit was hard.
“Yeah, but you’re gonna be my future wife, and I already know what life feels like without you. I’m not doing that again. I don’t know if you believed me or not, so yeah. We’re gonna see where you get a job offer. I follow you. End of story. So maybe that answers my question…when you get an offer, then we find a place together.”
Relief flooded my veins, now that I had a damn decision. Talking it out with her felt right, good even.
“You talk about this like it’s no big deal. This is the NFL we’re talking about. You can’t… I can’t be the reason you don’t play.” She frowned hard.
“You’re not, Ivy. I’m choosing me and what I want. Seriously, think about what I enjoy. I love being on the team and leading the guys, but the workouts? The meal plans? The constant push of my body? It was a great way to come to college, but I’m tired. I don’t have that aggressive drive to keep doing that, not when life could have other things planned for me.”
“Have you always felt this way? Like, if we didn’t become friends again?—”
“We’re dating now,” I interrupted her and pinched her side. “More than friends.”
“Right.” She playfully rolled her eyes. “If we didn’t get together, would you still do this? Please. I want you to think hard about it.”
I ran a hand over my jaw, trying to imagine my goals pre-Ivy this season.Have fun. Play hard. Help sisters and mom. Hang with the girls. Watch Ivy from afar. Figure out where I was going next.There was nothing about football in there. “When we won the last game, I remember thinking it felt addictive to be on the field and win, but there was a moment where I thought, damn, its gonna feel good to have these memories. Like my subconscious knew we were on our last leg.”
“You love it though.”
“I love a lot of things. My personality is to love things hard, but not everything I love is my future.” I pulled her against me, kissing the top of her had. She wrapped her arm around my side, and man, she felt like home. “I love the idea of mentoring high school football players. Or doing stats for a team someday. You mentioned I did stuff behind the scenes, and I still plan to do that in my own way. Just not on the field. You seem to like my body, and I want to keep it healthy and safe.”
“Yeah, I do like you safe. I’m just asking you to not make a choice because of me.”
“You’re not preventing me from doing something I love, but if it’s not clear, I’m choosing you. I’m always going to. Now, enough serious talk. I didn’t plan this to argue about potential wedding dates. Best memory from high school, go.”
She eyed me, her tongue tracing the side of her mouth before she sighed. “Fine, I’ll accept the topic switch. My bestmemory was the time we randomly had a huge mud wrestling tournament. Or wait, the puddle!”
“Ah, when we bought the tarp and fifty cans of vanilla pudding? A classic! My neighbor was so damn pissed.”
“Yeah, cause a hundred teenagers next to a retired cop was a great idea.”
“It was an open lot. Free country!” I cackled and hit the wheel.
Ivy snorted. “I loved that though. I felt like part of the cool crowd.”
“I remember just holding onto you the whole time. I didn’t want anyone to fall on you or hurt you.”
“Yeah, your girl didn’t like that at all.” Ivy chewed her cheek. “She glared at me.”
“Don’t let that remain in the memory. I don’t even know who I was seeing at the time, but I remember watching you laugh and then I dumped a whole can on your head… that was great.” I smiled at my girl. “All my best memories involve you, Ivy. That’s why I’m taking you back home.”
“Home?” She sat up straighter, her tone slightly off. “Home-home?”
“Yes. But don’t worry, we won’t see your parents. I wanted to take you to the school. Visit our old stomping grounds.” I held her hand in mine. “I’ve always loved you, Ivy Lee, but being in love with you is a new, insane feeling. I want to kiss you where we spent hours hanging out. Call me cheesy?—”
“Romantic. This is romantic.” She kissed the back of my hand. “You’re such a softie, and I love it. You’re like a golden retriever. I just want to keep you.”
About damn time.
It’s not I love you. But close.
I’ll take it.
An hour later, I parked on the side of the road. The stadium looked the exact same it did four years ago. I’d visited a few times during football games to say hi to the guys and the old coach, but there was always this gaping hole in my chest that was now filled.
No one was there on Sundays, and yeah, the gates were locked. “Feel like breaking in?”
