My throat felt like glass shattered down it. “You can’t say that. You can’t know. I don’t want to open my heart again to get crushed again. By you.” I pushed up, setting the pretzels on the table and placing my hands on my head. “You destroyed me, and I don’t know if I can forgive you.”
He chewed his bottom lip before studying the empty wall to his right. His nostrils flared as he rose, his muscles tensing as he fisted his hands. He swallowed before gazing at me with the same intensity I saw when he approached a field. Being on the receiving end of Callum O Toole’s attention altered my brain chemistry or something.
I wish I knew the scientific reason for why I went to mush when he focused on me like that because then I’d be able to reply instead of gape.
“I want another chance.” He ran a hand over his jaw, his dimples reappearing and instantly shifting him from the intense lineman to charmer. “That’s all I’m asking for: to be your friend again.”
“Why did youend it in the first place?” I shook my head and grabbed a throw pillow, only to toss it onto the floor. All the times I told Esme that I was over him? Lies. All theI’m fineandIdon’t think about himcomments were also bullshit. I clearly had lingering anger that gripped me head to toe. “It doesn’t fucking matter. I don’t care. I don’t want to know. This is a mistake.”
All these years, I’d wanted to learn what I did to make him leave me. I never got closure as to why our friendship of a decade ended. I’d dreamed about the closure, replaying everything I said or did to see if I had caused it. Or maybe, my biggest fear and insecurity, was that I wasn’t cool enough for him. I was dorky. Weak. Small. His complete opposite.
My pulse spiked to the point my watch alerted me my heart rate was too high. This happened when I stressed out, and I needed to do breathing to settle down. My joints ached as I gripped the couch and sat down, ignoring Callum’s presence to focus on inhaling slowly.
Don’t answer. Don’t tell me why you broke up with me.
I put my thoughts into the void, begging them to come to fruition.
“This isn’t a mistake. This is our second chance.” His voice hardened, like it used to when he made a game plan. It was hiskick ass and take namesvoice. “But as I said earlier, I want to clarify a few things. Are you listening?”
I rolled my eyes. The ego on this guy…
He arched a brow, waiting, so I nodded and crossed my arms. I wanted him out of my apartment but knew he’d finish his rant before leaving. “Go on.”
“We’re going to fix this. I saidwe,not me and not you, because it might be easier for you to blame me for everything, but you were at fault too.” He stood, his eyes burning with an intensity I hadn’t seen in years. “I’ve fucking missed you, Ivy Lee, and I need my friend back. Seeing you at the stadium that first day?” He laughed, and a faraway, dazed look crossed his face. “It was like a punch to the gut.”
“Youglaredat me,” I said softly. “You stared at me like you hated me.”
“I have never hated you. I will never hate you.” He bent down again and placed his hands on my knees. His familiar scent waded over me, making my heart relax and beathome, home, home.
“What you said…” I swallowed. “You were so mean to me. You said I’d never be on a team, that I couldn’t live through you. That’d I’d never find what I was looking for. Callum, you hit me at my weakest areas.”
He gripped his hair. “Ivy, you were going on about how you thought your parents should divorce?—”
“Yes, because they were just complaining to me left and right, like that bonded us or something. They’re fine now, whatever, but I wanted you to sympathize with me, not tell me how ungrateful and spoiled I was.” My voice shook, and I hated how pathetic I sounded. My parents had fought all the time, dragging me into it, and it was a lot. I wanted my best friend to let me vent, but it turned into a yelling fest and our breakup.
“I found out my dad cheated on my mom that morning, Ivy.” He paced a few steps. “He had an affair with a woman twenty years younger than her and had a kid on the way. My dad, who I admired and looked up to, had another fucking child. So yeah. You went on and on about your parents, who at least hadn’t donethat shit.”
“Callum.” My stomach bottomed out in horror.
“Hearing you complain pissed me off, and I wasn’t ready to talk about it, obviously. I’m still mad.” He ran a hand over his face. “Then, when you didn’t like my response, you said the football team was changing me, and I lost it.”
My stomach bottomed out, and I had to grip the side of the couch. “You didn’t tell me about your dad.”
“Yeah. It was a lot to fucking deal with.” He dug his palms into his eyes and rolled his shoulders back. “I’m still working through it, but that’s not the point. I was at a low point, and I said mean things to you. You pushed me, but that’s not on you. I’m sorry, Ivy, for acting out and letting stubborn pride prevent us from being in each other’s lives all these years.”
I swallowed, wanting to say a million things. Guilt tore at me, knowing he went through this without my help. The betrayal, the lies… my heart ached for him and his family. I wanted to ask about his father, the kid who had to be two now? Jeez. But it was clear it wasn’t the time. I nodded and found myself saying, “I’m sorry too.”
He took my hand and squeezed before letting it drop. That momentary truce felt big, even though we had so much to work through.
I wasn’t exactly sure the protocol when your body relaxed around someone who broke your trust, but it felt traitorous to want to curl up into him. I opened my mouth to speak, my eyes watering, but I refused to let tears spill over again. “Callum?—”
“Things happen for a reason. I firmly believe that. We don’t have to like them, but fate is a fickle bitch.” He gave me a half smile. “My sisters always said it was foolish to try to understand why things happened, to just stay along for the ride. We have shit to work through, but I’m willing to do it. Are you?”
I gulped. He ran small circles over my kneecaps with his thumbs, the sensation sending heat down my legs. He was such a touchy person. He always had been. Hugs and kissing, a hand here or there. This was normal Callum, yet the goose bumps from heat and awareness were unwelcome. One thing I knew with absolute certainty: Callum wouldneverlook at me or touch me in a heated way. I kinda hated it.
I placed my hands over his, stilling him. His eyes tightened on the sides, almost like he was preparing for me to dismisshim. A flicker of pride coursed through me, causing me to sit up straighter. “I don’t want to get hurt again.”
“Who does? Life is worth a little hurt, Ivy.” He eyed my knees, then arched a brow likeduh.
