I kept my back to Callum, but his presence was so obvious in the unit. He stood with his hands in his pockets, calmly walking around the living room. He had to wonder how I afforded this. My parents did well but not like this. Plus, they would never give me this much money for rent. I did nothing todeserve itlike athletes did.
With a shaky hand, I grabbed the bin of pretzels from above the counter and took a slow breath. Esme was out with a study group. She’d return in an hour. I could make him leave by then.
Callum made it such a point to leave my life and stay out of it, and I didn’t think it fair to let him come back in and see my life now.
“Soda?” I asked, my voice all scratchy. I bared my soul to him and almost got stuck in an elevator for forty hours. Of course my voice disappeared.
“Lemon-lime?”
His lips curved up on the side, like it was our inside joke, and I frowned. We didn’t have them anymore, and I needed him to stop acting like we did.
“Yes.”
“I’m okay, thank you though.” He rocked back on his heels, his gaze warming as he studied me. He had one of those faces on the brink of laughing. I used to find it charming, but now, I was sure I’d be on the brunt end of a joke. He wasn’t cruel, and he’d never bully me or intentionally hurt me, but he had no right to act this… nonchalant.
“After we eat some pretzels, I’m going to clarify a few things.”
“Can’t wait.”
“See, that right there.” I pointed a finger at me, anger lacing through every cell in my body. “Your smirk. Nothing about this is funny. You look like you’re about to laugh, and it hurts me.”
“Hurts you?” He tilted his head to the side, his frown deepening.
“Why are you acting sonormal? I don’t understand.” I lined my pretzels up into pairs on the table, taking two at a time to munch on. The combination of soda and pretzels was top-tier to me. It was comfort and pleasure.
“I’m not normal, Ivy, not even a little bit.” He sat on the recliner to the left of me. His body was so large his knee jutted out and almost touched mine. “Seeing you eat pretzels and line them up in pairs…it makes me smile. It reminds me of earlier times, when we were kids without a clue about what life would be like. I can’t… I can’t think of my childhood without having a memory of you.”
I closed my eyes, the familiar sting returning. I spent too many tears over Callum. “What is this? What are we doing?”
“I think this is me trying to get back into your life.”
“What if I say no?”
“Ivy, look at me.”
My heart thudded against my chest so hard it hurt. I couldn’t imagine ever having a boyfriend because this pain, with my former best friend, hurt so much I couldn’t even see. I’d boxed this up and learned to live with it for three years, so unpacking it would be horrible.
“Please,” he added, his voice so small and unlike Callum.
I forced my eyes open and sucked in a breath. Callum moved onto his knees in front of me. He’d always been big in high school, but now that I was looking at him, I could see how much he’d changed, grown. His shoulders were broader, the muscles twice their size from years ago. His biceps were gigantic and toned, and his chest was thicker. He had to have put on fifty pounds of muscle, at least.
I gulped as he set a hand on my thigh. The heat from his hand traveled up my skin leaving a trail of little electric bursts. It wasn’t a sexual touch, but he was so close to me, so massive, it was hard not to think about the line of his jaw or the curve of his lips.
While one hand remained on my leg, the other intertwined our fingers as he sighed. His blue eyes were filled with grief as regret clouded his features. He always wore his emotions on his sleeve, and most of the time he was happy, but right now? I couldfeelhis turmoil.
“Ivy, I fucking miss you.”
Moisture formed in slow motion, filling up my eyelids until tears spilled over into fat, salty trails over my cheeks. Fact: you had different types of tears based onwhythey fell. These were definitely emotional tears.
“Don’t,” I whispered, refusing to look at him.
He moved the warm palm from my thigh to tilt my chin, his fingers gentler than I would’ve expected. He touched my face like I mattered.
“Nothing has seemed quite right the last three years. It’s like a part of me has been missing, and seeing you at the field house?—”
“That’s the thing. If I didn’t get this internship, you wouldn’t want this. It’s entirely circumstantial?—”
“No. I know what you’re going to say, andno.” His tone held a bite, the sharp syllable stabbing me in the chest. “I would’ve found my way back to you.”
