“I don’t deserve it. I know that,” I said softly, the blip of reality crashing down from the alcohol. “My online counselorand I are working on that.” I coughed and stared at my friend, who moved side to side. Or maybe I moved side to side? Unclear. One of us was moving.
“You wanna know what my plan was tonight? Mack and I.” I groaned as my stomach bottomed out. “I never canceled on her. Oh fuck. She thought I was coming at six to take her to a real date. I was gonna ask her out for real, then this shit happened and—”
“Worry about that later. Focus on yourself first.” Callum cracked his knuckles and winced, looking at the back porch. “I was going to say you need to sober up and sleep it off, then worry about making up with Mack because dude, she’s perfect for you. You know this. Weallfucking know this. But the girls are here, and they look fucking pissed as hell.”
My damn heart hadn’t gotten the memo that Mack and I were done yet. It sped up, excitement coursing through my blood at seeing Mack. I wanted to curl into her, smell her familiar scent, and lose myself in her body. It was a fucking joke that I woke up that morning ready to do this with her, be with her, give her my heart to take care of but then Jessica reminded me it was too painful. I’d never survive something like this again, and I’d liked Jessica. My feelings for her were nothing compared to what I felt for Mack, so this pain would be a million times worse. Un-survivable. It was a word, I swear.
No thank you. My best friend, vodka, agreed with me.
“The girls?” I slurred, thinking about making a run for it. My body wasn’t really firing on all cylinders though. Even the idea of running had me falling over in my chair. I didn’t want to see them. right?
Did I? No? Yes? I needed water. Or another drink.
“Where the fuck is she?”
My sister’s voice carried over the night air, the anger and bite slashing through the night and hitting me. She was furiousat me. I deserved it. I told her I was gonna step up for her best friend and then abandoned them. Lo was a word wizard and always said the right thing at the right time, so she’d murder me with her insults. And I would take it.
“S’right here, Lolo. Let me have it.” I raised my hand in the air, my free one, and took another long swig. The alcohol burned my throat. “Come over here.”
“You? I’m not here to deal withyou.Where. The fuck. Is.Jessica?”
I shrugged, still not facing her or Mackenzie.Uhh.My chest ached so badly, I had to scratch it to try and ease it. It was like the worst combination of heartburn and indigestion. “Don’t know. I told her to get the hell out of here.”
“Lo, you’re not going after her.” Luca joined the conversation. He could handle my sister.
I’d just keep drinking.
Callum stood and said something to someone, but I tuned them out. The baby didn’t look like me, but the timing, man… fuck. It could’ve been mine. That was the wild part about it. We did the paternity test last fall, when shit hit the fan, but seeing the kid’s little face… I groaned into my hands.
“Romano,” Mackenzie said, her voice calm and strong. Her familiar perfume welcomed me, and I breathed it in, still not looking at her. Disgust and shame engulfed me.
“Why are you here?” I asked into my hands.
“Because I hate to see someone I care about upset. Because I know you’re beating yourself up over this. And—” She paused, crouched in front of me and spread my knees apart so she could wiggle between them. She placed a hand on either thigh before nudging my face out of my hands. She waited until I opened my eyes, and she knocked the breath out of me.
Her face… was different, but the same. Her hair looked so soft and perfect. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”
She smiled, a soft, tender look in her eyes. “Thank you. Dean, listen to me, you get to be upset and mad tonight but not tomorrow.”
“Not that simple.”
“It is that simple. You’ve worked so hard to move on from this, andfuck herfor coming back.” She cupped my face. “You did nothing wrong. This is all her choices and her apology tour or whatever was to make herself feel better, not you.”
“The kid was so cute. It could’ve… it could’ve been mine.”
A wrinkle formed between her brows. “Any chance it is? Did you ever take a test to be certain because I wouldn’t trust her.”
I shook my head. “It’s not mine, for sure.”
“Hey.” She tilted my chin up. “Even it was, it wouldn’t change a thing about how I feel about you. I need you to know that.”
She ran her thumb over my chin, caressing it with sweet touches that I leaned into.
The amount I’d drunk bubbled up, and I felt a wave of sick, but it could’ve been from guilt. “I stood you up.”
“Luca explained he took your phone, so it’s not entirely your fault that you forgot to cancel.”
“I got drunk instead of telling you. I’m so sorry.” I hung my head, refusing to look at her. “Look---”
