Cal: yes, busy though
Good. Nerves exploded all throughout my body, like Pop Rocks lived under my veins. I wasn’t sure why it felt different between us. His admission? Last night? Sleeping together? Surprisingly, out of all the things that made our dynamic shift, us having sex was the least of my worries. That was… explosive.
With the lasagna in hand, I headed upstairs and tried to settle my stomach. He could send me away, which I’d respect. He could say no thanks, which I’d take. My consolation prize was eating it myself and going downtown. I could live with that.
I exhaled, knocked on his door, and waited. Thirty seconds, forty-five.The handle!
He opened it, his eyes widening in surprise. “Elle.”
“Hi.” I smiled. “I brought you dinner, if you want. It’s lasagna. My favorite. Lots of cheese. I even added red pepper flakes, so there’s a kick if you’re into that.” Oh god, my word vomit had lost control. “I think we should talk. About anything! Food or not.”
He pressed his lips together, his gaze sweeping over my head, face, legs. He inhaled loudly and frowned. “Now’s not a great time.”
“Sure, of course.” My stomach sank. He’d told me he was busy, but it still hurt. His eyes didn’t hold the same spark or warmth I’d seen earlier. They looked…cold. Back to the original Cal. The brick walls around his heart. The place Ineverwanted to be. Fuck. “I understand, right, yes.”
Maybe he needed to be alone still, to think. He was an introvert. A grumpy one. I could give him space. No problem. Or maybe the conversation about his parents still upset him. He needed time. My mind created scenarios that would help protect my damn heart as towhyhe looked at me like he wanted me gone. But then…
A laugh carried through the door. A female laugh. Throaty and happy andohfuck.Thiswasn’t a scenario I’d planned for. Him having another girl in his place. He stared at me, his eyes widening with what I assumed to be guilt.
He wasn’t going mention he had a girl over. He was going to get me the hell out of there and not tell me.
I blinked back the shock, my eyes watering. I had to leave. “Here.” I shoved the lasagna in his hands.
“Elle,” he said, almost dropping the pan. He fumbled with it, but I was already at the door to the stairs.
“Enjoy the food, please. Eat. I made it for you.” My back was toward him, thank the lord, because tears came hard. I jogged down the stairs, my feet not moving fast enough because fuck, this hurt. Badly. Sprinting into my place, I locked the door and dove into my bed.
And the thing was, even as I cried into my pillow, Iknewbetter. He technically had donenothingwrong. We weren’t more than friends. We both said it all the time. Sure, we’d slepttogether, but did that actually change a single thing? He could sleep with whoever he wanted.
I was just the idiot who’d fallen in love with the guy who would never return my feelings. Either by choice or because I wasn’t special enough to change the great, grumpy Cal Holt.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO
Cal
The door to the stairs slammed shut, echoing in the empty foyer of the fourth floor. I saw the second she thought she knew what was happening. It was clear as hell on her face. Michael andhis sisterand his girlfriend’s sister were over to talk about proposing to Naomi. Ryann Reiner was a fucking hoot and someone else who gave Reiner shit. I loved it—but that was the extent of my relationship with her. And Cami…she was a gorgeous spitfire who cared a lot for her sister. Michael had invited the three of them over without asking me. He never gave me a warning.
The absolute crushed face of Elle would stay in my head, but honestly…it was for the best. I needed distance. The bruising, her working at the bar, the fight, sleeping with hertwice.I was too involved with her, and I didn’t do that withanyone. I shut the door to my place and forced the ache in my chest away. Michael was here.
“My neighbor brought me dinner.”
“You’re friendly enough with neighbors to do that? How? Jonah and I are so nice, well, I am, and no one has ever brought me dinner.” Ryann eyed the dish and clapped her hands. “Pasta, yes, please.”
Michael narrowed his eyes at me. “What neighbor?”
“Yeah, who is she?” Ryann asked.
“I have an idea.” Cami’s gaze sparkled. She was a dangerous one who knew too much, and I narrowed my eyes at her.
“Settle down, Reiner clan. One of you is enough. And Cami, shut up.”
They chuckled as I set the dish on the table. Elle had made this, for me, and looked so beautiful. She’d done her hair, and her lips were all red. And I’d let her think the laugh was a hookup. She assumed that of me because I hadn’t given her a reason to know it wasn’t true. Guilt ate at me. God, I was the worst. I rubbed over my ribs as Michael, Ryann, and Cami joined me. Compartmentalizing was a weakness of mine, and it was the perfect time to practice it. For a guy who’d avoided emotions for years, there were so many bubbling up that I couldn’t sit still. “So, what’s your plan?”
I needed Michael to talk so they’d stop asking me questions. My pulse already raced at thinking about Elle downstairs. Was she crying? I swore her eyes had welled up with tears before she ran away, and fuck, I didn’t want to make her cry. I just needed to turn down my feelings for her because it was too much. She deserved more than me. Someone who didn’t lose their mind over a bruise or run away when the conversation got hard.
“I found this guy online—”
