SIXTEEN
Cal
This was a form of hell. Elle’s soft breaths might as well have been freight trains with how they stole my attention. At some point in the night, she’d rolled over and faced me. The blanket had been tossed to the side, and her shirt rode up her stomach.
She was a dream. Off-limits because I wasn’t good enough for her, but a dream.
The hurt in her eyes earlier upset me more than she realized, but it further reinstated the ultimate truth—one her brother had made very clear. They didn’t realize their voices carried into the bathroom.I’m well aware of who he is.
The few beers I had caused the guilt and regret double with their impact. I put my arm over my eyes, slowing my breath because Elle was right. She did know who I was. The guy who was a total dick to her all those months ago. The guy who did three nights, who was allergic to feelings, and was obsessed with rehabilitating plants. The guy who at first had said they weren’t excited about getting a cousin.
And more importantly, I was the one her brother would never approve of. God, Gabe had seen some shit. My stage of hooking up with a different girl every night. The fighting. Fuck, that was a rough freshmen year. The partying. The asshole behavior. Even if things had changed…I couldn’t be the guy Elle deserved. So, when her fingers had caressed my skin, heat flaring in her eyes, I had to stop it.
She would end up hurt, and I refused to be that person.
I had to make that clear in the morning because she’d assumed I was turning her down. I saw her disappointment and the way she’d avoided my gaze the rest of the night. Her flushed cheeks, the slump of her shoulders. I rubbed my eyes hard to the point white lights danced around them, and I tried to relax. It was four am. Way too early to get up. But my mind raced with impatience.
I thought about the bar, what we needed to do. Then Charlie’s house and Lizzie’s room. Didn’t Elle realize that we would be spending hours together? There’d be no escape until Charlie got back and hired someone else to take more shifts. That was weeks, maybe months. When, not if, I hurt her, she’d have to be around me, and I’d make it worse.
She groaned in her sleep, and I froze, like she could read my mind. But she readjusted her position and faced the other way. It wasn’t entirely better because her shorts hugged her ass, and her lower back teased some ink.Fuck.Was there a tattoo on her spine? A hint of letters peeked out from her shirt, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I wanted to know. Desperately.
Instead of falling back asleep, I thought about Elle’s tattoo until the sun rose and Gabe came into the kitchen in black pants and a nice shirt. Coach made us dress up for games, but seeing him in a suit forworkwas weird. Glad to have someone up so I could get off the damn couch and away from Elle, I padded into the kitchen to join him. “Thanks for letting us stay.”
“Like I’d kick my sister out.” He made a pot of coffee, his gaze assessing me.
“Okay, thanks for letting me stay.”
“Sure.”
There was something about his tone that had me on edge. He sounded defensive, and I thought about their conversation I overheard. I scratched my chest and waited for him to face me. “I’m not going to hurt her.”
He snapped his gaze to my face, and his eyes narrowed. “Cal…”
“No, I heard you last night. For what it’s worth, your voices carry into the bathroom if you want to warn someone about another guest.”
“I’m not apologizing.” He smirked. “You’ve made great progress on the ice. You’ve stepped up as a leader for the team, and I know Coach is pleased. I’m happy for you and the team. But the same sentiment doesn’t apply to Elle. She’s… hopeful. Romantic. Her head is always in a book. She deserves the absolute best.”
And I’m the worst.I heard his unsaid words, my gut aching even more. None of these things were untrue, but a part of me had held some flicker of hope that I was enough. That I couldmaybeone day find what my parents had together, that I could get over my fear of getting hurt and open up to someone if they gave me a real chance. His insistence that I wasn’t chipped away at that hope, little by little.
“Agreed.” My voice was lower than before. I refused to show him that he’d hurt my feelings because I didn’t have those. Feelings were what caused my issues from the start and the less I had, the happier… well, theless-angryI’d be.
Van glared at me. “I see how you watch her.”
“Glad your eyesight is going with your age.”
“Oh, it’s like that?” He laughed, the warning leaving his tone.
“I care for her, alright? Not in the way you’re threatening me, but I worry about her. I walk her home from the bar every night, bring her food. I’m going to be there for her as a friend as long as she wants me to be. You can’t stop that.”
He frowned, rubbing his lips together. “Thank you for making sure she’s safe. I figured something happened, but she won’t tell me about it.”
I shrugged. She could share what she wanted.
Gabe shook his head. “Protecting her secrets?”
“Is that coffee ready?”
Gabe laughed and got two mugs, a lightness to his tone that hadn’t been there at the start. I hoped I’d reassured him that a) I knew I wasn’t good for her and b) I would never hurt her (again). It was clear Elle hadn’t told him about our conversation with his parents, which I was glad of. He would’ve punched me in the jaw.
