Gabe huffed, and Dani patted his thigh. Ilovedthem separately and together, without question, but sometimes my brother annoyed me with his unwanted opinions.
“I think it’s a great idea.” My best friend winked at me.
That helped settle the growing tension in my gut, and I plastered on my fake smile. “Two against one. Told you this would happen.”
Gabe muttered some reply, but I didn’t catch it. I grabbed my laptop out of my bag and escaped to my room. Writing was where I reset my soul. I pushed all thoughts of my brother, my choice in career, and Cal out of my head and let the words flow.
I’d gotten a job, and I was thankful.
CHAPTER
TWO
Cal
Days like today made me pissed off at the promise I made to my parents.Get a degree, so you always have one to fall back on. You’re a single injury away from ending an NHL career.I could still hear my mom’s voice when I focused. It was getting harder each year, but I had videos. They were tough to watch and usually sent me in a tizzy where I drank too much, fucked too hard, and made more enemies.
But today had me feeling antsy. If I’d chosen to head straight to the NHL, I’d have a schedule, a nutritionist, and a team of guys who I could work out with or bother. There’d be more of a purpose besides eat, sleep, and work out on repeat. Summers sucked on campus, but it wasn’t like I had anywhere else to go. My parents left me a shit ton of money, so a job seemed useless. I had the gym and the bar. Things had been better with the team, but it was tough to let anyone in.
God, my life sucked.
Charlie was my only family left, and call me sentimental, but I liked being around the guy who grew up with my mom. Helooked nothing like her, thank god, but had her same calming energy. He was one of only two people I could stand being around without getting angry. Michael Reiner, the assistant hockey coach, was the second.
That was a lie. There was one other person, but she hated my guts.
I couldn’t believe Charlie hired her. Elle didn’t belong in that bar. Rough people went there. They smoked, cussed, and drank too much. They’d get handsy, and Elle was too…delicate. There was something about her that made me want to protect her.
Her large, expressive brown eyes paired with her straight blonde hair. Her bowed lips, her top one almost too big for her face worked for her. Plus, her unsaid confidence captivated me. Her two birthmarks right under her left eye. God, they did something to me. I rubbed a hand over my chest, staring out my apartment window and wishing I had a different life.
An easier one.
One with family and laughter and smiles. I’d even settle for boring instead of this bullshit cycle of sadness, anger, and pain.
The sun hit my row of plants, and Ialmostsmiled at the aloe. I bought it half-off a few weeks ago assuming it’d probably die, but seeing new stems grow filled me with pride. No one knew my secret, and no one would. I loved buying plants half-off, half-dead and trying to nurse them back to life. My entire YouTube history was filled with hockey plays and plant tutorials.
I bent low and studied the other flowers and succulents. Two of them were browning, and I adjusted them in the pot so they wouldn’t get the full sun. A small coffeepot of grinds sat to the right, and I put a little bit in the soil
Ironic? Sure. I felt half-dead too somedays. Would a therapist suggest I saw myself in the plants? Possibly. I picked up the leather journal off to the side where I jotted observations and progress. My plant health tracker.
After tending to the rest of the succulents, I realigned the porcelain pots so they were in a straight row. Clutter and disorganization physically bothered me, so my spotless apartment felt empty but was always clean.
My phone went off, and for one second, I was excited.Someone to talk to. But then I shut that emotion down. Might be hard for some to understand why I welcomed the pain and anger and pushed people away, but it was safer.
Reiner: Bulls play in an hour. Wanna watch it?
Cal: Your girlfriend too busy for you?
Reiner: Oh, you took your dick pills today. Great. I’ll see you there, and first drink’s on you.
I huffed out in amusement. Reiner had a unique ability to call out my bullshit. Every single time I tried ending our friendship, he held on tighter. He too had lost both of his parents and was left an orphan at a young age. But a flicker of jealousy wedged its way in my soul at the fact he had a sister.
Charlie was family, but we didn’t talk about feelings or goals or shit like that. He made sure I was alive, and that was about it. Most days it was enough, but some, I wanted more.
Watching the game would be nice,andvisiting the bar meant I could see how Elle was doing. Content and almost anxious, I showered and dressed in a T-shirt and shorts. The quick walk was way too hot and muggy, a sure sign of a summer storm coming, and I pulled my shirt from my chest to get some airflow in there.
Cold and ice were some of the reasons I loved hockey. It felt good to have the sting in my nose and chill in the air. This Midwest humidity bullshit was the worst.
Yells and groans greeted me once I walked in. “Pass the fucking ball!”
