“No, my silence was because I couldn’t find the words. I wanted to squish you because it was so cute.”
“Cute?”
“Yes, oh my god. You nurse dying plants. That is adorable!” I let go of him, and his throat bobbed. Interesting.
“It’s not fucked up?”
“Um, no? Why would you think that?
“Because it could be like I’m finding versions of myself. Half-dead.”
“Stop assuming the worst, Cal. Seriously. You’re not half-dead. You’re sad and in pain. I don’t know anything about losing family, but grief isn’t linear for anyone. It’s messy, and you’re allowed to be sad and deal with it how you see fit. But don’t you dare pull that self-pitying shit with me. You’re healthy, smart, and tender when you want to be.”
He blinked, his breath coming out faster than before. My adrenaline surged, and I kept going. “I write all sorts of characters with backstories. Does that mean they’re based on me? No. It’s because I love writing and people. You caring for plants isn’t any different than me writing to show how much I love other people. That means you have a kind heart in that brick wall of a chest.”
My skin felt too tight for my body at my outburst. I wasn’t embarrassed. I meant what I said. Cal though, he stared at me like I’d grown three heads. That might’ve been too much for him. He wanted to take it slow as friends, so I sighed, shook my arms out to relieve some tension, and smiled. “Hey, I’m sorry I yelled. I might’ve gotten a little fired up, but my best friend in the world used to talk negatively about herself, and it made me bonkers. I can’t change your mindset, only you can, but I can at least try to point out the bullshit.”
“Alright.”
“Alright,” I repeated, catching my breath. Something flicked my ear, and I jumped.A motherfucking bee.My blood ran dry, a paralyzing fear rooting me in place. IStay still. Don’t bother them. Don’t irritate them.The buzzing roared. I closed my eyes, hating every second of this.In and out.
Breathe.
“What’s wrong?” Cal’s urgent tone sounded closer. “Elle. Tell me.”
“Bees,” I whispered, like they could hear me.
Wind hit my face, the smell of Cal’s cologne growing stronger than before. A warm hand landed on my hip. “Elle. It’s gone.”
I opened my eyes to find himrightin front of me. His fingers tightened on my waist, and his jaw clenched. Something deep and needy formed in my gut at the way he watched me, all focused, like I was the only thing in the world.No.He wasn’t romantic. He wasn’t my hero. I blinked and with a shaky hand, pushed my hair out of my face. “So, I have a fear of bees.”
He almost smiled and released me. “I found what I wanted. Let’s go.”
“We drove all this way for two plants?”
He narrowed his eyes toward the front. “It’s warming up, and I’m ready if you are.”
“Okay, sure.” I could’ve used more air, but the buzzing sound made me jump. It was a fucking fly. “Yeah, I’ll be in GLO-seph.”
He nodded and went to pay as I jumped back into the passenger seat. The car was steamy, and I fanned myself until Cal returned. He set the plants in the back of the SUV before joining me in the front. “You okay?”
“Yeah. It’s so dumb.” I laughed. “I’ve never been stung before, and in my head, it’s like I’ll lose a limb. I don’t know.”
“Fears aren’t rational.”
“Thank you.” I shook my body out from head to toe. “I saw a kid in second grade get stung, and he was allergic, so there was stretcher and an ambulance. I still see it.”
“That would fuck me up too.”
“Like, I don’t want to say anything too dramatic, but if I had to sacrifice you to the queen, I would.”
“Right, no drama.” He almost smiled again. “Good to know though. Bees don’t bother me at all. I can get rid of them for you.”
“Cal ‘Bee Killer’ Holt. Nice.” I nudged his arm. “Speaking of being a killer…of hearts, what’s the story with cute little Sherry?”
He grunted. “I’d rather talk about taxes.”
“Ew, no.” I recrossed my legs. “Sherry.”
