“Hey, Cal?”
Elle said my name, and I immediately went to the bar. I scanned her, figuring out if she’d hurt herself or what not. She seemed okay. “What do you need?”
“Could you grab the box of vodka on the top shelf? I can’t reach and don’t want to balance on a stool.”
I’d kill her if I saw her standing on top of a tiny barstool. “Sure.”
Ty finished his drink by the time I got around the bar, and I hoped he’d take off. It contradicted the progress I had with the team, but nothing made sense when it came to Elle. A year ago, I would’ve hidden from a teammate. Now, a small prickle of prideformed when he said guys would want to support their captain—me. I walked by Elle, breathing in her perfume and noting how delicious she smelled, and our arms brushed. She pulled back way too fast, but I felt the zing too.
We had chemistry. Major chemistry. But I’d ruined any shot of that becoming something because I was an asshole. Sighing, I reached up to get the box as Ty started chatting again.
“So, what are you working on?”
“These two stories. Nothing worth talking about yet. Big contemporary fiction with romance.”
“Sick. I’m doing this fiction piece on a cult. Two brothers try and escape, and the backlash affects the whole town.”
“Wow.” She leaned closer toward him. “How far are you?”
“First draft is done, baby, so now on to betas.”
“Ah, that’s amazing. I have a few short stories I’m too scared to submit to places. Might bring one Sunday for some eyes.”
“Please do.”
Elle smiled so easily with him. She lit up talking about writing, and I felt like a fool all over again. Maybe if I asked her about it, she’d tell me. My phone buzzed, and because we now had five people in the bar, I didn’t feel bad checking it. I could use a distraction. Maybe it was someone else on the team or Reiner.
It was a picture of Charlie and his daughter.
Holy shit, I have a daughter. Look at her.
She was a mini-image of him. Dark hair, dark eyes, a crooked smile. She was fucking adorable. She was missing a tooth, and pressure grew under my ribs.
My cousin.
I had family. More than just Charlie.
She could need help learning sports or with homework or with playing catch. I could do that. Be there for her. Or if she needed a friend or someone to kick some kid’s ass. Fuck. Mybreathing picked up, and it was too hot in the bar, and I gasped for air. What the fuck? I held onto the countertop, my vision going a little blurry as stars danced behind my eyes.
My cousin.
“Cal?”
Elle’s voice sounded from the distance, like she was in a video or something. Fuck, my heart beat way too fast for me. It hurt. Even when I worked out, it wasn’t like this. It scared me. I needed it to stop.
“My pulse,” I said, swallowing hard, but there wasn’t enough air. “Hard to breathe.”
“Dude’s having a panic attack.” Ty hopped over the bar, his legs the last thing I really focused on before I felt their touch on me.
Small, soft hands. Large ones with a firm grip. They each took a side of me. My feet dragged on the floor. All I focused on was getting more air into my lungs to stop the pressure. Was it a heart attack? I was too young. I was healthy. There had to be more in life than anger and hockey. I wanted to experience joy again before I died.
“He needs to sit and take slow breaths.” Ty pushed me onto a chair. “Focus on something that you can touch. You can smell. You can see. In and out, nice and slow.”
I feel Elle’s delicate fingers on my upper back. I can smell her delicious perfume. I see her wide, worried eyes.
“Good. Good. Now inhale and exhale.”
I did, repeating it a few more times before the sensation stopped. My pulse was normal, my skin not actively sweating. When I opened my eyes fully, they both stared at me. Ty looked concerned, but Elle seemed upset. Really upset.
