“No. Wrong.”
“Nah, them’s the rules. Ain’t that right, Ty?”
“Sure is.”
“If you can plot and chat, then you’re not pushing yourself hard enough,” I said, narrowing my eyes. Theyusedto shrink back when I did that. Now, they laughed. Deep down, I loved it. I loved that they gave me shit and had my back and included me, but I didn’t know how to express that besides pushing them to be better on the ice. “Ten seconds, then we do it again.”
“We hear ya.” Ty hit my back.
My watch counted down, and everyone lay on their stomachs. It chimed. “Push up, go!”
The clash of skates on ice echoed in the rink. The swish and swoosh of the blades was my favorite sound. It was home. All thoughts left me, and it was just the team and the ice. The cool air hit my face as I gulped to breath, and I grinned.I win again.
“That a smile I see? Who is she?” Erik with a k asked.
“He sleeps with his hockey stick,” Ty panted. “We know this.”
“Fuck. Off.” I gasped for air as we all did, but my lips twitched. “I do keep one under my pillow.”
“Fucking knew it.” Jenkins barked out a laugh, and the guys followed. It was amazing to beinon the joke instead of the brunt of one. I clapped Jenkins’s shoulder, embarrassed at the surprise on his face.
“One more. Then we take a break.”
We finished the drill and rested before doing another. Practice in the off season felt so different than before. Instead of the nagging dread that I made everyone worse or the weird headspace that turned me into an asshole, the jabs and laughter seemed inclusive. Planning the holiday party with Gabe had changed things a little bit, and they’d only gotten better. With him gone, I was captain now, and it kinda sorta felt like it.
I didn’t hate the responsibility or the way the guys looked at me. If anything, it made me feel wanted, andthatwas a sensation I knew very little about.
Incubus played from my phone as I tended to my plants a few hours later. The band was older, and few people knew or listened to them my age, but they were my parents’ favorite band. They saw them live four times and would blast the angsty jams around our house when I was little. It helped form my intense appreciation for alternative music.
Three Doors Down, Audioslave, Hoobastank…they all filled my playlist, even if they didn’t pump me up or calm me down. Instead, they made me feel like my parents were still alive, even if for a few minutes.
As I changed out the soil on the worst-looking succulent, my heart raced.A cousin. A little girl who lost the only parent she knew.It was too much. It hurt too fucking much to imagine it. She’d never get to share moments with her mom, and my chest ached for her.
How could I be excited about that?
Elle’s question had thrown me off. I wanted to ask her a million things, like how she got caught up in her head but seemed happy about it. I always got lost in mine, but it was dark and sad and horrible. She enjoyed the thoughts in her mind; it must be a wonderful place to be. I’d stopped daydreaming or wishing for things after my parents died, but she was so damn joyful.
Sunshine.
It really was a great nickname for her, butfuck.Was I excited to meet a four-year-old who was related to me? No, because her life would be turned upside down if she moved here. Maybe there was another family member who she knew well to take her in.
I certainly had no one besides good ole Charlie. He wasn’t warm or fuzzy, but he let me hang out at the bar every night when I couldn’t stand being alone. He wasn’t emotionally capable of being a father.
My pulse had picked up at Elle’s tone, how she didn’t understand a single thing going through my mind. I was an asshole, and maybe it was time I accepted she hated me. I trimmed the brown ends off another plant as the song changed to Blink-182. My mom would be fucking thrilled they toured again and were making a comeback.
She’d also be so excited and happy for Charlie. Sure, the story had to be all sorts of fucked that this woman never told him about his daughter, but my mom would find the good in it.Kind of like Elle, it seemed.
Charlie wanted us at the bar in fifteen minutes to go over the plan, and regret formed deep in my gut. I needed to apologize for bolting out on Elle. Even though she’d tried to end it early for some reason, I shouldn’t have done that after she put the pizza in.
God, I hope she ate it.
Did she remember to have breakfast? There was a small café at the end of the block that had the best fucking croissants, and without thinking about it, I left early to go and purchase a few. It’d be weird to just get her one, so I bought four.
We could have them as we figured out the bar situation.
The sun hit the back of my neck as I approached the bar, and it felt nice. Almost like dethawing the negative thoughts rooting in my head. I faced the midmorning light and took a deep breath, letting the beams touch my face. It felt good since we worked out that morning. They were texting about plans and working out harder to prepare for the season. It was weird to be thrust into leadership when I never felt like I deserved it, but Reiner never let me have a pity party for long. Oh, I could call him too, see if he proposed yet.
Yeah. That sounded like a plan.
