“I’ll get down the second you tell me what happened, because I know we aren’t in a relationship, dickhead, but we are in afriendship. Don’t try and tell me you don’t care, because you do. You sat with me on the roof when I was feeling sorry for myself and pulled me out of it. So yeah, insult me, push me away, but don’t forget who I’m related to. You’ll need to try a different move if you expect me to let it go.”
“My dad called me.”
“Are you close?”
“No,” I said, letting the overwhelming emotions take over. “He left us numerous times. He only calls when he wants money.” It was easy to talk when she couldn’t see my face and I couldn’t see hers. We stood there, her little body pressed against mine, right in front of the big wooden door. It was an unremarkable thing to look at when I was sharing something that felt remarkable to me. “I hate him.”
She didn’t respond with words. She pressed a kiss right next to my ear and squeezed me harder. It was so sweet it startled me. Then she said, “If I get down, will you give me like, sixty seconds to throw on pants and I’ll come with you?”
“I don’t know where I’m going.”
“That’s okay. I rarely do, either. But you shouldn’t go alone.”
Those words cracked through the ice-like hold I had on my past, and the idea of telling someone else about it, even a little bit, felt freeing. I patted her legs, signaling her to get down. “I’ll wait for you.”
“Forgive me, but I’m not one thousand percent certain you won’t take off. So, up the stairs, cowboy. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
That got a smile out of me and I followed her crazy order. She made me sit on her bed before she got down and moved a rocky desk chair in front of the door. “I’m not going to bolt.”
“You told me I waspiningafter you. Forgive me for being a little dramatic.” She flipped me off and bent down for something, but all I saw was her bare ass in the air. It had only been a couple hours and fuck, it was stupid to think a distraction was needed beyond her. But she slid on red booty shorts—my weakness—and threw on her jeans. Damn, I liked the view. “Let me find a bra and I’ll be good to go.”
She removed the large shirt and had no issue letting me stare at her perfect pink nipples I’d had the pleasure of tasting over and over, and looking at her made my mouth water. They weren’t large tits, not like the huge ones that I got flashed often, but they were the right size for me to cup in each hand.And the way she moans when I lick them.Yeah, I’d pick that over large ones any day.
It was over too quick and soon enough, she had a Sam Hunt shirt on and gray Chucks. With one final push of those glasses up her nose, she held out her hand. “Let’s go. Lead the way and I’ll follow.”
We walked in silence for fifteen minutes with neither one of us trying to remove our hand from the other, and I couldn’t decide what bothered me more. The rage that never went away despite the fact that Roy was so close to being removed from our lives, or how Kenzie’s words repeated over and over in my mind, making each breath a little more difficult.
Lead the way and I’ll follow.
We’re in a friendship.
Try harder to push me away.
Sounds of laughter greeted us as we neared one of the busier areas of campus. Older students typically stayed on campus during the summer and the bars remained busy on weekends. Techno music blared from one of my favorites from junior year, but the urge to go in and get drunk wasn’t there. Instead, a coffee truck caught my attention and I pulled her toward it. “Want a drink?”
“I could do a decaf, yeah.”
I bought two small decafs and we continued our walk to nowhere. We passed Greek Row, the south quad and the campus cemetery before we circled back to the quad. There were benches surrounding its perimeter, but she didn’t strike me as someone who preferred a bench. “Want to lie in the center of the quad?”
“Uh, hell yeah.” She laughed and sped up until we reached the circle of grass dead center of the campus. “Look at the moon, damn. It’s bright.”
It was. It provided the right amount of light so I could see Kenzie’s smile. We plopped down, her going to her usual crisscrossed position, and she sighed. It was a cute sound and I set my coffee down before putting my arm around her in a hug. “Thank you.”
She gnawed on her lip, giving me an unsure glance. “For?”
“For seeing through my bullshit. I’m sorry for what I said. It was all meant for you to leave.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I didn’t.” She leaned into my shoulder, setting her head against my jaw, and I got a whiff of her lotion.Vanilla.“One thing I learned dealing with the fact my dad has a countdown of his life is how people deal with emotions. Some explode, like my brother, constantly searching for something to cure the madness. My dad battles through pain, not wanting to upset any of us anymore, and I swear he tries to pull away sometimes, as if it would make his passing easier. My mom loads herself with tasks, always keeping busy so she couldn’t feel the pain. That’s probably where I get my list-making from.”
“And you?”
“I spent a lot of time in my head.” She did the laugh again, making fun of herself, before she continued. “Everyone dealt with the diagnosis on their own, unsure how to move on, and that left me alone, floating, desperately trying to cling to something that made sense. I’m used to being alone and I’m content with it, but, Tanner, you don’t have to be. Tell me, or don’t, but if you need to talk about it all, I’m here.”
My throat felt clogged, as if I’d swallowed cotton balls, but I didn’t stop the words as they tumbled out of me with a desperation so strong I stuttered. “My f-father stole my mom’s money every time he came back. H-he left when I was a kid, returned with the promise of ch-changing his ways, but once he got my mom pregnant and learned one of my brothers was blind, he bolted. My mom was smarter this time and didn’t put his name on the birth certificate, so he can’t use them unless he pays years of child support he missed. He’s on mine though and when my talent made the news in high school, he came back, threatening my mom with a divorce that would wipe her out and leave her unable to care for the kids.”
She reached out and laced her fingers with mine, not asking questions or commenting on my story, just listening. It was easy to keep going. “He wants a piece of my draft bonus once I sign and he’s threatened to go after my brothers if I don’t pay him. Before I left for school here, they went through a name change and move. Very few people know where they are, and I don’t go back and visit. We’re all waiting for the bonus so I can pay for their divorce, get my brother a seeing-eye dog when he turns sixteen, and into a school better suited for his needs and move them wherever they want to go.”
“That’s a lot for one person to handle.”
