My phone flashed the time at me. Nine a.m. I never slept in and a dull throb began in the back of my head when I sat up. I clutched my neck, groaning, and made my way to the bathroom.My first hangover.
I would’ve laughed if it hadn’t caused the pain to increase, and I twisted the knob and gasped. Someone was already in there, and it wasn’t Tanner. “Uh, hi?”
A thin girl wearing an oversized baseball shirt—presumably Tanner’s—sat on the toilet and gave me a shy smile. Her makeup was crusted around her eyes, her long hair hanging in every direction, and her lips…swollen, as though she’dspent all night in his bed.
“I’m almost done. I’ll hurry,” she said, her mouth twisting into what I assumed was a smile. I should have responded, told her not to worry or something, but words became difficult.
He kissed me, but spent the night with her. Goodbye, birds and rainbows.
“Take your time,” I said after an awkward thirty seconds of quiet. I backed out, shut the door, fell onto my bed face first and laughed. It made sense. Nothing was off brand to who Tanner was.
He had been nothing but helpful the two weeks I’d been here and maybe we’d had enough to drink where he thought he was doing me a favor so I could check it off my list.
Great. I got a pity kiss?I’d rather lick the bathroom floor than get a pity smooch. I rubbed my palms over my eyes, hating the shame and knowledge that our kiss didn’t matter. I didn’t regret it. Hell, life was too short to settle for mediocrity, whether it was with food, experiences or kissing. But I regretted the blissful feeling I’d had, thinking about him the second I woke up. Maybe I was a naïve, stupid girl who didn’t know what college was like, hook-ups without feelings.
“Ugh.” I covered my face with a pillow, the sadness of not having someone to talk about this hitting me a second time. I could talk to Aaron, who would punch him, or Greta, who would just end up telling my brother. That left…nada.Okay, enough.
I’d survived my dad fighting cancer. I would not let one single kiss fuck me up. I rose from the bed with a new resolve—nothing had changed between us. I’d try my damn hardest to act cool about it and not let him know a single thought. It worked on everyone back home—why wouldn’t it be the same now?
A shower could do magic. Those three walls and shitty curtain somehow transformed my moment of self-doubt into a ten-minute, scalding-hot think session, where I found my inner badass. Dressed in shorts that flirted with an appropriate length and a black plaid shirt that hung off my shoulder, I left the privacy of my room and walked out to face what came next.
I hadn’t expected to gag at the smell of leftover beer, sickly perfume and vomit. Covering my face with my sleeve, I tiptoed over trash and made my way downstairs. Aaron was already up and eating a bowl of cereal, sitting outside on the two-person swing, looking all sorts of grumpy. I got a bowl for myself and joined him. “Morning, bro.”
He gave me a half-smile and scooted over so I could sit. “How you feeling, champ?”
“The shower helped. Plus, I switched to water for about an hour in the middle. I’m not a total newbie.” I swallowed a spoonful of Lucky Charms and nudged his shoulder with mine. “Are you hungover?”
“More than I’d like to be. I don’t drink more than a couple beers when I party. It’s not worth it, but Greta was here and kept telling me it was fine… I don’t get it.”
I frowned, unsure what he meant. I was about to ask him, but he continued. “I loved parties my freshman year. They were my reason for existing and I lived for each weekend where I could lose myself. The anticipation of hooking—er, sorry. I meant—”
“I know what you meant, idiot. It’s fine.”
“I lost that excitement,” he said, his voice quiet. “Did you have fun?”
“Yeah, I think I did.” I took another couple of spoonfuls and let the meaning of his words sink in. “There was a moment, though. I was alone, watching the party like an outsider, and it was weird. You can be in a house of people but feel…lonely.”
“What you said. That’s it. That’s why I was, you know, crazy for a couple of years. I needed to escape that lonely feeling more than breathing. I don’t get it much anymore. My teammates and Greta help me with that, but I worry about you.”
I sighed, hating the sadness in his voice but loving his honesty. This was a good step, for us to chat openly about how we dealt with the prospect of losing our father. “I’m learning how to escape that feeling. I make stupid lists, watch TV shows and spend a lot of time reading. Your friends are more like family and I want that, too.”
“You’ll find your people.”
We shared a smile just as Zade walked out, wearing blue plaid pants and that was it. He held up a hand, high-fiving me. “Morning, champ. Hope you’re hungry. Once TJ gets up, these bitches are taking us out to eat.”
“It might be a while. Someone had a guest last night,” I said, praying my voice remained even. Neither one of them gave me an odd look to suggest otherwise. “Is your house always this gross after a party?”
“Yup. Every time,” Zade replied and leaned against the railing. “Our MO is food, then cleaning.”
I finished my food when the girl I’d found in the bathroom opened the door to leave. She glanced at all three of us, her face turning bright red, then mumbled a goodbye before clutching her bag to her chest and running off. “Are you—do you guys drive the ladies home?”
“Ambar lives like five houses down,” Aaron said, his mouth hardening as he watched her retreating form. “She was drunk last night. More than I’ve seen her.”
“I know,” Zade groaned, running his hands over his eyes. “I was too, shit. I need bacon to help this headache.”
Aaron stood and walked back inside. “I’ll change and wake TJ’s ass up. We should be ready in five.”
“Sounds good. I’ll do the same.” Zade joined Aaron inside and hollered for TJ to hurry up, which left me outside.
